Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Maybe God made teenagers difficult so we can let them go

Claire McCarthy, MD
Physician
February 15, 2016
2K Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

It happens each time one of my children enters the teenage years (sometimes a little bit before). I go from having a lovely child and feeling like a reasonably pleasant parent to having a moody houseguest and becoming a shrew.

You’d think, having gone through this now four times, that I’d figure out how to avoid it. Or that I’d expect it. Or not let it bother me so much. Nope. It happened again, it caught me off guard, and I hate it.

To be fair, it’s only natural to be optimistic each time a child of yours moves out of the sweet years. After all, they are such sweet years: the years after diapers and being woken all night, the years when you begin to have real conversations and real fun with them, when they make you laugh and still love to snuggle with you. Sure, they can be messy and maddening, but overall they are so sweet that you think: how bad could the teenage years be?

Pretty bad, of course. Not just because of how teens act, but also because of how we parents end up acting in response. Here’s why turning into a shrew is inevitable:

Teenagers are really annoying. I’ll walk into my 15-year-old’s room with every intention of having a pleasant conversation … and see half of the cups and mugs we own on every surface, half-eaten food on plates balanced on top of piles of dirty laundry, and garbage everywhere else. Poof! I turn into a shrew. Whatever I might have been planning to say turns into yelling at her to clean up. Whether it’s making me late (there’s always something that is forgotten, and getting dressed takes longer starting at age 12), not listening to me about bedtimes (or other previously unchallenged house rules), or snarling every time she is asked to do something like walk the dogs (she acts as if I’ve asked her to do our taxes, fix the furnace and change all the tires on the car) … time and time again, my intention to be patient and loving gets shredded, and I become Shrew Mom.

Teenagers are not always completely truthful. Maybe yours are. And it’s not like mine lie constantly. But sometimes the homework isn’t done when you’re told it was, sometimes the test actually was handed back, sometimes the after-school (or evening) destination is a bit different than you’d agreed to, sometimes that thing they said they didn’t borrow shows up in their room … In the 12 years since I started having teenagers, I’ve learned that things are not always exactly as they are presented. Which makes me prone to second-guessing and nagging … another way I become Shrew Mom.

Teenagers don’t always see things the way we do. We want our children to see the world the way we do; We want them to share our beliefs and values (and perhaps our party affiliation). Even more than that, we have such hopes and expectations for them. We think it would be totally awesome if they studied hard all the time, excelled in sports, did plenty of interesting extracurricular activities, got a job and were consistently polite and helpful. Not only do we think that this is good for them right now; we see it all as leading to a good future for them. When our teens fall short, or don’t even show interest in meeting expectations, it makes us frustrated and worried. We nag, we push, we fight … we turn into shrews.

Besides the fact that our expectations are sometimes unrealistic, there’s the fact that for teens, meeting our expectations isn’t at the top of their priority list. Peers are more important than we are. They think we don’t understand. They think they are the ones who should be making decisions about their lives, not us.

And they are right.

I don’t like being a Shrew Mom. It makes me feel bad about myself, and doesn’t exactly do great things for my relationships with my kids, either. Some of it just has to be endured, to keep them out of bad trouble (and limit the ants in the house). Total shrewdom, though, shouldn’t happen. It’s either a sign that it’s time to get professional help — or that it’s time to let go of what we are trying to make our kids do or be.

That’s the thing: Adolescence is when our kids begin to separate from us, as they need to do. And just like God made babies and little kids cute, so we don’t leave them on a doorstep somewhere when they keep us up all night, throw tantrums and otherwise screw up our lives, I think God made teenagers hard so that we can let them go.

Our teens don’t turn us into shrews to make us crazy, as much as it feels that way. They turn us into shrews so that they can grow up and away… and turn into shrews with their own kids someday.

Which will be fun to watch. And make us feel so much better.

Claire McCarthy is a pediatrician. She blogs at the Huffington Post, where this article originally appeared, and at Boston.com as MD Mama.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Physicians can make a difference. Here are 3 ways they did.

February 14, 2016 Kevin 20
…
Next

We want access to safe and effective Avastin. Here’s a solution.

February 15, 2016 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Physicians can make a difference. Here are 3 ways they did.
Next Post >
We want access to safe and effective Avastin. Here’s a solution.

More by Claire McCarthy, MD

  • Sometimes, talking to strangers is necessary

    Claire McCarthy, MD
  • 4 mistakes parents make in the pediatrician’s office

    Claire McCarthy, MD
  • Should tackling be removed from youth football?

    Claire McCarthy, MD

Related Posts

  • She sees difficult patients, but is a difficult patient herself

    Kristin Puhl, MD
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Primary care faces a very difficult winter

    Ken Terry
  • 10 tips for delivering difficult pediatric diagnoses

    Laura Spiegel
  • It shouldn’t be this difficult to find shoes for kids with disabilities

    Cassi Young
  • I vow not to call my patients “difficult.” Here’s why.

    Weisheng Mao

More in Physician

  • A mentor’s legacy in medicine, leadership, and embracing evidence-based care

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • Breaking free from restrictive covenants to combat burnout

    Raya E. Kheirbek, MD
  • From medical student to intern: Discovering a deeper connection with patients

    Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH
  • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

    Jennifer Lycette, MD
  • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • Master time management with 7 productivity strategies for optimal results

    Farzana Hoque, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Unlocking resilience: a powerful journey from trauma to transformation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Overcoming the lies of depression: Senator John Fetterman’s struggle with mental health

      Harvey Max Chochinov, MD, PhD | Conditions
    • Master the ABIM Certification exam with effective strategies: insider tips for success

      Farzana Hoque, MD | Education
    • A mentor’s legacy in medicine, leadership, and embracing evidence-based care

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Breaking free from restrictive covenants to combat burnout

      Raya E. Kheirbek, MD | Physician
    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 5 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • New Data in NSCLC Bolster Support for Perioperative Immunotherapy
  • Breathing Support Type Matters for Preventing Extubation Failure in the PICU
  • Second-Line Axi-Cel Bests Standard in Relapsed/Refractory Large B-Cell Lymphoma
  • New Agents for Relapsed/Refractory Myeloma Impress in Early-Stage Clinical Trials
  • Kratom Linked to Outsized Proarrhythmic Risks

Meeting Coverage

  • New Data in NSCLC Bolster Support for Perioperative Immunotherapy
  • Second-Line Axi-Cel Bests Standard in Relapsed/Refractory Large B-Cell Lymphoma
  • New Agents for Relapsed/Refractory Myeloma Impress in Early-Stage Clinical Trials
  • CAR-T Tops Standard Care in Heavily Pretreated Lenalidomide-Refractory Myeloma
  • T-DXd Proves Mettle in Multiple Solid Tumors
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Unlocking resilience: a powerful journey from trauma to transformation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Overcoming the lies of depression: Senator John Fetterman’s struggle with mental health

      Harvey Max Chochinov, MD, PhD | Conditions
    • Master the ABIM Certification exam with effective strategies: insider tips for success

      Farzana Hoque, MD | Education
    • A mentor’s legacy in medicine, leadership, and embracing evidence-based care

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Breaking free from restrictive covenants to combat burnout

      Raya E. Kheirbek, MD | Physician
    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Maybe God made teenagers difficult so we can let them go
5 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...