Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

How to motivate a “lazy” teen

Harriet Levy
Conditions
September 6, 2022
15 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

A high school objective: take in young, immature students, work on them in various ways for four years and send them out educated, confident and purposeful. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Perhaps that’s the way it used to be. But things are different now.

On editorial pages and talk show stages, school systems are routinely blasted by an indignant public. Fingers are pointed. Blame is placed. Why are there so many failures, so many apathetic, irresponsible teenagers?

Parents search for reasons. Concern for their child’s uncertain future increases their hostility toward teachers. Teachers resent the scrutiny yet don’t understand why so many kids flunk despite their best efforts. And quite often, teens can’t figure out their own motivation, yet try to act blasé.

For several years, low self-esteem has been offered as an acceptable explanation for everything from failure in school to murder. Experts have suggested the solution is to find ways to improve the self-esteem of teenagers.

As a former high school guidance counselor, I have known many parents who believe this theory is true. It makes sense to them. Perhaps the negative comments and failing grades make their child feel worthless. How can they learn when they give up on themselves?

So parents attempt to give their child self-esteem. And that’s where even more confusion begins. Because self-esteem simply cannot be bestowed upon a teenager by well-meaning adults.

Building a false sense of self-esteem is like using warped wood for a house. In an attempt to boost self-esteem, some teenagers are repeatedly told how smart and special and talented they are. The praise continues whether the teen performs well or not. They are told they can be anything they want to be. The second part of the phrase, “… if you work very hard,” is often disregarded. After all, if they are already so terrific without working hard, why add unnecessary pressure?

Yet parents continue to offer rewards such as new phones, computers, and more, hoping this will motivate them to change. What it does, however, is only to confirm to the student that their current behavior is acceptable.

Teenagers readily admit that self-esteem is a side issue. It’s simple laziness that causes their poor grades.

Laziness. Who isn’t lazy at one time or another? But is “lazy” a description of a temporary state of being, like happy or sleepy? Or does it imply permanence, like short or tall? People who describe themselves in such definitive terms are likely to remain that way.

Teenagers will continually test limits. They are content in their lethargy and do not automatically accept the typical rationale for hard work — the possibility of some future reward. They may put an extraordinary effort into trying to get out of something to avoid the sweat of activity and the stress of deadlines.

Students use their own brand of logic when it comes to completing assignments. If they don’t like the teacher’s personality, that is justification enough for not doing the work. If the assignment is too hard, too long or boring, they believe they shouldn’t have to do it. When it’s suggested that this attitude will only create more failure, they agree change is necessary but rarely implement any changes.

Can laziness be turned around? Of course. It starts by exercising self-control. Self-discipline always comes first. Simply put, the student finally gets the message to just grit their teeth and do it. Whatever it is that has to get done — not to perfection, just to completion.

Positive feelings are achieved only after a challenging situation is handled successfully. It is the end product, the result of hard work. Self-respect follows.

When students succeed, they will feel good about themselves. When they do not succeed, they will not feel good, no matter how much someone else might wish them to. A parent’s intervention by trying to make things easier will simply prolong the process, not hasten it.

As every adult knows, only with consistent diligence and perseverance will a person ever have the option of being anything they want to be. Therefore, the adults who work with teens need to remain strong, tough, and clear in their accountability expectations. And they need to guard against being worn down by frequent complaining, repetitive requests, and feeble excuses.

But it’s an ongoing process. Self-esteem is sometimes elusive, sometimes strong, changing with a person’s mindset at each stage of a new challenge. In high school, as in the real world, events can happen in an instant to strip away self-confidence and cause feelings of ugliness, stupidity and inferiority. But if there is a solid base, a sense of balance soon returns once the teen is reminded of previous successes and accomplishments.

Parents share the same goal as their teens — to get through four years of high school relatively unscathed and come out prepared to compete in the world. They can make the process easier by heeding the bottom line: Students don’t need high self-esteem to do their work. But doing their work well will bring about self-esteem. The real kind — the kind that will get them through whatever challenges life might present.

This lesson comes from 40 years of working with teenagers. This is what I taught them; this is what I learned from them.

Harriet Levy is a guidance counselor. 

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

The Last Time negative visualization

September 6, 2022 Kevin 0
…
Next

Why health care will never be the same after the COVID-19 pandemic

September 6, 2022 Kevin 2
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The Last Time negative visualization
Next Post >
Why health care will never be the same after the COVID-19 pandemic

More by Harriet Levy

  • Football pervades our society so we must be prepared to deal with it

    Harriet Levy
  • 10 suggestions for a smoother high school experience

    Harriet Levy
  • In a moment of crisis, I made a decision to survive

    Harriet Levy

Related Posts

  • A patient waits. And waits.

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Healer, are you so different from me?

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Residency training, and training in residency

    Michelle Meyer, MD
  • The value of intergenerational relationships

    Satya Moolani
  • Premed? Here are 3 things to consider.

    Candice Williams, MD
  • My name is not “Med Student”

    Anonymous

More in Conditions

  • Proposed USPSTF guideline update: Advocating for earlier breast cancer screening at age 40

    Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian
  • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

    Alice S. Y. Lee, MD
  • Urgent innovation needed to address growing mental health crisis among children and families

    Monika Roots, MD
  • The importance of listening in health care: a mother’s journey advocating for children with chronic Lyme disease

    Cheryl Lazarus
  • The unjust reality of racial disparities in pediatric kidney transplants

    Lien Morcate
  • The surprising medical mystery of a “good” Hitler: How a rescued kitten revealed a rare movement disorder

    Teresella Gondolo, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the intricate link between housing costs and health care

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Policy
    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • From medical student to intern: Discovering a deeper connection with patients

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the global pandemic threat: insights into risk factors and urgent measures for prevention

      Ton La, Jr., MD, JD | Policy
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Empowering Black nurses for lasting change [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Novel IDH1/2 Inhibitor Shows 'Dramatic Effect' in Low-Grade Glioma
  • Nivolumab-AVD Boosts PFS in Untreated Hodgkin Lymphoma
  • 'You Can't Yoga Your Way Out of This': What We Heard This Week
  • New Standard in Operable EGFR-Positive Lung Cancer
  • New Ovarian Cancer Drug Extends Survival in Resistant Disease

Meeting Coverage

  • Novel IDH1/2 Inhibitor Shows 'Dramatic Effect' in Low-Grade Glioma
  • Nivolumab-AVD Boosts PFS in Untreated Hodgkin Lymphoma
  • New Standard in Operable EGFR-Positive Lung Cancer
  • New Ovarian Cancer Drug Extends Survival in Resistant Disease
  • Neoadjuvant Chemo Flops Versus Upfront Surgery for Resectable Pancreatic Cancer
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the intricate link between housing costs and health care

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Policy
    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Fixing the system and prioritizing patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • From medical student to intern: Discovering a deeper connection with patients

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the global pandemic threat: insights into risk factors and urgent measures for prevention

      Ton La, Jr., MD, JD | Policy
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Empowering Black nurses for lasting change [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

How to motivate a “lazy” teen
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...