It became a prison to me — impending doom.
I knew I had only three months left before I could retire. Three months isn’t long, but it is a lifetime away.
That long drive to work in that heavy highway traffic where there was always a collision. The anxiety of the drive knowing all along there was even more anxiety to come.
The patients that were involuntarily committed — forever schizophrenics and bipolar, …
I understand what it feels like to be in the depths of depression and hopelessness. I have had a lifelong battle with stuttering, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, depression, and suicide.
I continually fight these battles and have learned to heal and recover through family, friends, and ultra-running. Since attempting to take my life on September 12, 2009, I have developed wellness tactics to help me journey through life to achieve optimum performance and …
An executive father. Alcoholism. And that gallon of wine.
As I walked through the wine section at the grocery store, I spotted one of those gallon jugs of wine. I was searching for Christmas presents for my friends. But that brand glared at me.
Daddy — my IBM executive father.
We loved him so. But year by year, his demons took over. Every night, there was a gallon of wine. On weekends, he’d …
When I was married to a physician, dinner was often delayed. When he finally came home, I was hungry if I hadn’t already eaten with the kids. Our dog would greet him with her whole body of yearning and relief, tail wagging furiously, whining, smiling, crying. She was the embodiment of what I felt but could not express. So I watched with jealousy as our dog received from my husband …
Mental health has blazed its way to the forefront of the national conversation over the last decade. Increased awareness and decreased stigmatization around mental health issues have undoubtedly allowed many to have access to necessary resources, and the world is better off because of it. Influencers no longer shy away from discussing these topics, and employers are taking steps to create cultural change in …
I opened my email recently and blurted out a heartbroken expletive that I can’t print here. Another member of our health care family had died by suicide. I didn’t know them well, nor had I known our colleague who died from suicide just a few months before, but I felt as though I had been punched in the gut. An image came again that has been arising in my head, …
The middle-aged veteran curled up on the uncomfortable foam mattress appears irritated. Perhaps he is irritated at himself, knowing that he has gone through this process multiple times, or irritated at his providers, who simply think of him as a chronic alcoholic. I greet him for the first time, sitting on the empty bed opposite him. I ask him a set of questions that I must go through with every …
My energy level was plummeting as Mrs. Jones explained how much her shoulder, her knees, her back, her belly, her head, hurt. She was worn out.
“And I don’t ever think I’ll feel better. I’ve felt like this for so long and I think I’ll always feel like this. I’m so sore. And so tired. And my family doesn’t do anything to help. In the evening after I’ve finished making dinner, …
When our pediatric clinic added the PEARLS (Pediatric ACEs and Related Life-events Screener) questionnaire to well-child visits, we were worried that we would uncover trauma that we didn’t know how to address. Our physicians feared that the volume of patients with high scores would be overwhelming. We contended that this additional work was impossible because we don’t have support services like counseling. Beyond that, we expected our patients would be …
I would like to say that this is a story much like the tortoise and the hare, only it isn’t. There is only one character in this story, the hare. The High Achiever and The Motivated Drinker are the same character and are driven by the same human instinct.
Have you ever wondered why a strong-willed, intellectually above average, high-achiever tries and fails to say “no” to one glass too many …
So, your guy or gal is struggling with a serious emotional issue. Is that a basis for bailing?
Let’s get personal here; if you’ve got one foot out the door, you’re probably asking the wrong guy. One of my key values is loyalty. But before I start lecturing, let’s take a closer look at this issue.
A well-thought-out answer is important to this emotional quandary. Did your partner come into the relationship …
“I am sitting in hot springs deep in the dark and crisp air woods – naked. It has been a day of lectures and workshops at a retreat with my fellow physicians. We are all naked in the effervescent, warm bubbles of the springs. In the dark, I can …
The holiday season was notorious for causing loneliness, sadness, anxiety, and a sense of loss even before adding the COVID-19 pandemic to the mix. The pandemic has only served to magnify many of these feelings, as gatherings with loved ones are postponed or canceled. The stress of getting everything done on time and navigating family dynamics can lead to struggles that can benefit from support and self-care. In 2021, support …
Smoking cigarettes is well known to cause heart disease, lung cancer, and premature death. In the face of these risks of death, quality of life issues that affect smokers are often overlooked. Although some quality of life issues such as cost, cravings, inconvenience, illness, and stigma are well known, some important effects are largely unknown to the public. For one, smoking is connected with a surprisingly large variety of pains.
Trying to match into residency or fellowship can be stressful. I’ve gone through the match once for residency, and I’m currently going through it a second time for fellowship, so I understand your plight if you are going through it too. There are many variables that are out of our control. As much as we may desire to match our desired specialty at our desired location, this uncertainty can lead …
Over the last several years, there has been an increasing recognition that burnout is rising exponentially among health care workers – and there has been a positive shift in the public understanding of burnout and other mental health issues in general. Unfortunately, the policy response from governments, health care institutions, and policy-makers has been woefully inadequate.
Instead of addressing the root causes of burnout and mental distress among our health care …
I remember receiving the email, “Eating Disorder Panel Q & A.” My physician colleague had become very experienced at caring for eating disorder patients. She understood the importance of this work and how misinformed much of the health care community was on the topic.
She took it upon herself to set up a medical didactic session for the health care providers in our practice to provide us with additional education. The …
The word vulnerable is derived from the Latin, “vulnerare,” to wound. Vulnerable literally means “able to be wounded.” In common usage, we refer to being vulnerable when we’re feeling weak, fragile, and emotionally worn down. No wonder most of us want nothing to do with vulnerability. Beginning in childhood, we learn to protect ourselves from emotional attacks perpetrated by family members, peers, and teachers. What’s more, if our parents are …
When the term white supremacy culture is used, people get uncomfortable — they picture the skinhead as the prototypical racist. And while those people are dangerous, whether by their openly racist views being broadcast or in other subtle ways, they are largely recognizable.
White supremacy culture is inescapable in the United States. We have been saturated in it. Our country was founded on its tenants. The far more dangerous racist is …
For decades, I was constantly told how brave I was and wore “brave” like a scarlet letter on my chest. Brave for choosing to raise my children alone. Brave for becoming a nurse practitioner. Brave for going public with my story of child sexual abuse and complex PTSD. Brave for being willing to stand on a stage and talk about my journey.
I was so convinced of my brave-ness that I …
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