Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Why is it hard to find grace in medicine?

Marsha Hamner, MD
Physician
April 29, 2022
670 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

“If I make a mistake, my patient could go home in a body bag.”

I don’t recall whom I first heard this from, but it stuck in my mind as terrifying thoughts do. And we wonder why burnout in medicine is a thing.

Mistakes in medicine can cause mortal consequences. They can harm another human being. We can’t escape this reality. We can’t undo it. We don’t get “three lives,” as in Ms. Pac-Man, if you turn the wrong way and run into a ghost. It’s done.

Consider the patient who comes in weekly for cannabinoid hyperemesis and presents with abdominal pain and vomiting … again. They swear it’s different this time. It’s not the marijuana. It never is. So you write for the anti-emetics and move on.

Two hours later, a code is called to her room. You assume it’s a false alarm. But when you arrive, CPR is in progress. Return of circulation is not achieved. The autopsy shows dead bowel.

She had two young girls that won’t grow up with a mother.

It’s hard to find grace in that.

Most medical errors don’t lead to the death of a patient. Harm may occur. Giving an antibiotic without dosing for renal function may necessitate short-term dialysis. That’s not inconsequential. But the patient gets to go home to their family.

And then, there are times when mistakes never reach the patient. In the above scenario, a pharmacist would call me to adjust the dose before the medication is given. If I write for an antibiotic a patient is allergic to, the medical record alerts me. A nurse may call and ask if I want to replace the potassium with the IV Lasix I just ordered before it drops further.

When we get home, the burden of our mistakes weighs heavy on our conscience. Most people enter the medical field because they want to help people. And we’re laden with perfectionism. Those aren’t bad things. They make great doctors. But without allowing ourselves to swim in the sea of grace – and absorb its healing nutrients – we’re left with malnourished spirits. And just as a body without nutrition cannot heal wounds, neither can we heal the trauma to our souls. That doesn’t just lead to “burnout,” as we often refer to the crisis plaguing our profession. It gives rise to despair.

Isolation: As the COVID pandemic progressed, I found myself less able to relate to those outside of medicine. Opening about how difficult it is to watch people die alone takes courage. And when the topic is met with blank stares from friends and family who prefer to change the topic, we’re unlikely to revisit it.

Midway through the third surge, I went out to dinner with a couple who told me about a terrible experience they had at a restaurant. Their table preference on the reservation hadn’t been communicated; it took half an hour to get their drinks. As I listened to them, I found myself feeling angry. Was that worth complaining about? Seriously? Didn’t they know people weren’t able to get beds in hospitals? Or that nurses were caring for patients in hallways at ratios they’d never experienced before?

The trials of everyday people no longer seemed valid to me. My ability to show grace to those not in the trenches with me plummeted. I started to feel like the only people who understood me worked within the hospital’s walls. Couple that with the isolation COVID already led to, and many of us succumbed to social and emotional isolation.

Grace starves in isolation.

The legal system: Sometimes, I wonder if I’m more afraid of attorneys than novel viruses invading our planet. I’ve experienced depositions and courtrooms on the defendant’s side. Regardless of its medical implications in the case, each tiny decision I made was scrutinized by non-medical people. I emerged “successful,” meaning I was dismissed, but the scars remain. I order more tests now – not because I think it will benefit the patient but because I’ll do almost anything to avoid going through that again.

Medical malpractice attorneys are not generally gifted in grace. Nor are family members who have lost loved ones or patients who have experienced complications. Those I have empathy for. I struggle to extend forgiveness to the former. That’s probably not just on my part. It’s certainly not gracious.

Maybe you’ve been through that, as well. Perhaps it’s gnawed away at your compassion, faith in yourself, or trust in your fellow humans. That’s fair. Living in a world without grace can do that.

Burnout and don’t have to triumph. Hope remains.

We can talk about the system-based approaches we have instituted to avoid burnout and the negative emotional consequences that arise from medical errors, miscommunication, or negative outcomes that occur outside our sphere of control: Just culture. Peer review. Physician health and wellness committees. Social events. CMEs about burnout. Burnout surveys. State-run physician health programs. These have positive impacts.

But what else? When we go home and collapse on the couch, wondering what happened to that pre-med we used to be, the one who rejoiced at the acceptance letter to medical school, thinking the hard part was over. Naive? Yes. But there is beauty in that innocence. How do we find that joy in the privilege we have to be health care professionals? How do we love medicine again?

And where does grace fit in? How do we mine it in our daily lives? In the small things? It’s a vital nutrient – and it doesn’t come in a pill. Or a drink. We need it daily to thrive.

As a medical community, let’s seek grace together. And let’s start with showing it to one another daily.

Marsha Hamner is a hospitalist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Shame, guilt, perfectionism and ego: a terrible combination

April 29, 2022 Kevin 0
…
Next

Don’t be in a hurry to fast [PODCAST]

April 29, 2022 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine, Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Shame, guilt, perfectionism and ego: a terrible combination
Next Post >
Don’t be in a hurry to fast [PODCAST]

Related Posts

  • How social media can advance humanism in medicine

    Pooja Lakshmin, MD
  • Why academic medicine needs to value physician contributions to online platforms

    Ariela L. Marshall, MD
  • The difference between learning medicine and doing medicine

    Steven Zhang, MD
  • KevinMD at the Richmond Academy of Medicine

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Medicine rewards self-sacrifice often at the cost of physician happiness

    Daniella Klebaner
  • Medicine won’t keep you warm at night

    Anonymous

More in Physician

  • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

    Ryan McCarthy, MD
  • Physicians are burned out. Could entrepreneurship be a cure?

    Arun Mohan, MD, MBA
  • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

    L. Joseph Parker, MD
  • Beyond K-pop and kimchi: Unraveling the mental health tapestry of Korean Americans

    Dae Sun Hwang, Thomas Pak, MD, and Joo-Young Lee, MD
  • Escape diagnostic rabbit holes with Markov chains

    Anonymous
  • How medicine’s demanding training took my sleep away

    Jennifer Lycette, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • Decoding AI hallucinations in health care: Embracing a new era of medical innovation

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How generative AI will upend the doctor-patient relationship

      Robert Pearl, MD | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • What we have to gain from weight loss drugs

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions
    • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Breaking free from metric shaming [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physicians are burned out. Could entrepreneurship be a cure?

      Arun Mohan, MD, MBA | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 4 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • FDA Inspections of Foreign Drug Manufacturers Haven't Bounced Back After Pandemic
  • Is Omitting Radiation Therapy in Low-Risk Breast Cancer a Good IDEA?
  • Kidney Disease in Pregnancy Often Overlooked for Care
  • Got Raw Milk?
  • ChatGPT Takes on the Neuro Boards

Meeting Coverage

  • Is Omitting Radiation Therapy in Low-Risk Breast Cancer a Good IDEA?
  • Study Supports ADC as a New Option for Endocrine-Resistant Metastatic Breast Cancer
  • Maintenance Pembrolizumab-Olaparib Fails to Boost Survival in TNBC
  • Mobile Unit Preferred for Buprenorphine Access
  • Study 'Underscores' Value of Early Fertility Counseling for Breast Cancer Patients
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • Decoding AI hallucinations in health care: Embracing a new era of medical innovation

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How generative AI will upend the doctor-patient relationship

      Robert Pearl, MD | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • What we have to gain from weight loss drugs

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions
    • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Breaking free from metric shaming [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physicians are burned out. Could entrepreneurship be a cure?

      Arun Mohan, MD, MBA | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Why is it hard to find grace in medicine?
4 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...