I am a physician, a urologist, but what most people don’t know about me is that I am a survivor of mental illness, physician burnout, and multiple suicide attempts. Today, I write about the condition of the medical profession, its problem with burnout, and its solutions.
I began practicing general urology in 1987. My subsequent life as a physician can be divided into two very different eras. In the first era, …
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I am a physician, specifically a urologist. However, what most people do not know about me is that I am a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. My essay attempts to tell my personal story—a story of burnout, mental illness, and suicide—and to discuss the shame that accompanied these experiences.
I completed my urologic residency in 1987 at Stanford University and began practicing with the Southern California Kaiser Permanente Medical Group in …
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A most memorable message awaited me on my desk one morning: a brief note from Mrs. G asking, “Why did my husband take his own life today?”
Startled, I reflected on Mr. G’s history as I had been treating him in my urology clinic for the past few months. It had recently come to my attention that his complaints were related to painful recurrent renal colic.
Anticipating a distressing phone call, I …
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I am a physician, a urologist, and a survivor of multiple suicide attempts related to physician burnout. In dealing with my psychopathology, I experienced a devolution in my mental status, culminating in suicidal behavior. I can remember the exact moment when I acknowledged that suicide was a possible solution to my problems. At one moment, I felt revulsion at the idea of suicide but crossed over to accept it. This …
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Lazarus is a man of the new testament, living in the time of Jesus Christ in the city of Bethany. He was the brother of two of Christ’s followers, sisters Mary and Martha. Bethany sat less than 2 miles south of Jerusalem in Israel. The story of Lazarus’ death and Christ’s rising from the dead is depicted in John 11:1-45.
What are the details of Lazarus’ illness and subsequent reappearance?
As only …
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While the mental illness patient is afflicted by very real and painful feelings, these feelings are internal and not visible to others. The indications of the condition then, whether those of depression, anxiety, or even hallucinations, can be said to be invisible to observers — family, doctor, etc. — in fact, to everyone other than that individual sufferer of mental illness.
A constellation of signs and symptoms is often used to …
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The coronavirus pandemic has turned the world, and all of its citizens, around, never to be the same again. As an ICU and ventilator survivor, I focus on the drama of the patient’s room, and the reality of what is truly a tragic experience. Nineteen-ninety-eight seems like yesterday, and while it was 22 years ago, it is fresh in my mind.
The vacation abroad that fall was a sunny respite from …
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Addressed to Dr. Lynes, the note sat menacingly in my inbox like a distress signal ominously blinking on a battered ocean coast.
“Mr. Smith wants you to read the note before his preop, the nurse said harmlessly.” A premonition that day, just one more irrational fear in my downward spiral into darkness.
I am a physician, practicing a noble profession of merit. Sepsis, from a visit to Mexico, began a sad journey …
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