Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Doctors and dating: the challenges of balancing a demanding career and personal life

Anonymous
Physician
February 10, 2023
21 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

The word “career” has two meanings. A career in medicine fulfills both meanings quite neatly. In the traditional sense, it can be defined as an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life. On the other hand, it can mean moving swiftly and in an uncontrolled way. As in, “Her car careered across the road and into a ditch.”

Being a physician is a blur of late nights, cold food, endless charts and declined family invitations — the constant need to remain compassionate and available to one’s patients. If you’ve ever tried to date a doctor, you know that their schedule is impossible, and they’re more than likely to cancel on you at the last minute.

Despite the forward-thinking times in which we supposedly live, being a female doctor is especially frustrating. The perfectly made-up, pristine woman with tousled hair and radiant, sweat-free skin portraying a doctor on primetime television is just a beautiful liar. Real female doctors are tough, powerful, and unflappable, although sometimes dead tired and in serious need of a shower.

This small group of incredible, intelligent, interesting women, however, represents some of the most eligible single individuals. Humor, resilience, brains, compassion — they have them in spades. Why is it that so many female physicians struggle to find partners?

Of course, it would be easier to stay single and focus on their demanding careers, but often all that’s missing from a hard-working doctor’s otherwise-fulfilling life is a partner willing to support them through all of their sacrifices.

With all their desirable attributes, shouldn’t doctors have potential partners lining up to date them? Maybe — but finding the right partner amongst a full waiting room of suitors is a hefty task that doctors don’t often have the time or patience to undertake. Other professions may have the luxury of time and energy to triage their way through countless online dating profiles before stumbling across one that fully checks their boxes. Doctors, after a sleepless night of saving lives? Not so much.

Dating a doctor is tough. There’s even a wikiHow page for it. Really. It contains smart tips like “Have patience” and “plan dates around food,” but some are a little more heart-breaking, such as “Learn to love spending time alone.”

Physicians find it difficult to fulfill the role of a traditional partner. Time is short, and schedules are unpredictable. A lot of one’s emotional capacity is invested at work, leaving little left for one’s personal life. Without having experienced the chaos that is life in medicine, many non-medical partners cannot relate and are left wanting.

Some doctors feel immense pressure from their families and society to find a partner who is “well-suited,” whether in a religious capacity or on a comparable educational level. Some apply that pressure at a personal level, aiming for excellence in a partner — and as high-performing, successful professionals themselves, one honestly deserves nothing less.

Unfortunately for heterosexual females, highly educated male partners are becoming harder to come by. In 2020 in the United States, only 6.5 million male undergraduate students were enrolled in degree-granting institutions, compared to 9.2 million females. The struggle for women to find educated partners is therefore made even worse, as their numbers decline while educated female professionals grow in number.

Another sad reality is that a large proportion of heterosexual men are uncomfortable with dating a woman in a more successful position or prestigious profession. Despite the advances of recent decades leading to women gaining parity with men socially and professionally, old-fashioned ideas of needing to be the breadwinner continue to sneak into the male subconscious. Professional working women have therefore been known to “dumb themselves down” in the early stages of dating potential life partners so as not to seem intimidating. What a waste of an incredible set of skills that a woman should be able to boast about – all females (including physicians) should never dim their light for anyone.

That’s where other doctors come in. A group of like-minded, independent, intelligent people in clinics, hospitals, and professional networks. They understand working late. They understand being tired and cranky. They understand crippling student loan debt. They understand the emotional toll of being a doctor in a way that no one else could. Most of all, they acknowledge that their colleagues are some of the best and most eligible single individuals available on the dating market, as they share similar values and traits. They just get it. Who better support a doctor as a life partner than a colleague?

One female doctor decided to answer the page for help after witnessing the peak of isolation endured by colleagues during the COVID-19 pandemic. Thus, the dating app DownToDate was created and cheekily named after the renowned physician resource UpToDate. Designed exclusively for qualified physicians, all users are vetted for the authenticity of their qualifications. The platform allows doctors to find and connect with single colleagues who have an inherent understanding of the demands of a medical career. It caters to a specific and unique set of dating needs and allows users to filter singles by location, level of training, and specialty, as well as standard dating filters such as age and religion.

DownToDate removes the uncertainty of expectation, concerns about education, excess time,h and hassle out of dating in 2023 and has become the simplest and most efficient way for qualified physicians to find like-minded potential partners. And best of all, it works — the team at DownToDate is celebrating the first engagement of a couple who met on their platform! Here’s to hoping that those who dedicate themselves to the noblest and most sacred calling can find their own love.

The author is an anonymous physician.

Prev

How female physicians are changing the game for women entrepreneurs [PODCAST]

February 9, 2023 Kevin 0
…
Next

Only physicians can find the balance between tradition and active disruption

February 10, 2023 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Cardiology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
How female physicians are changing the game for women entrepreneurs [PODCAST]
Next Post >
Only physicians can find the balance between tradition and active disruption

More by Anonymous

  • Do residents deserve the title of physician?

    Anonymous
  • Breaking down barriers: How technology is improving diabetes management in underserved communities

    Anonymous
  • The patient who became my soulmate

    Anonymous

Related Posts

  • Don’t judge when trainees use dating apps in the hospital

    Austin Perlmutter, MD
  • How to develop a mission-driven personal brand

    Paige Velasquez Budde
  • How social media can help or hurt your health care career

    Health eCareers
  • End-of-life care talks begin at home: even for doctors

    Abdel Albakri
  • Ethical humanism: life after #medbikini and an approach to reimagining professionalism

    Jay Wong
  • The life cycle of medication consumption

    Fery Pashang, PharmD

More in Physician

  • Breaking the cycle of failure in modern medicine

    Kortney West, MD
  • From license to loneliness: the dilemma of retired physicians

    Richard Plotzker, MD
  • Unlearning our habits: a journey from intelligence to wisdom

    Brian Sayers, MD
  • Beyond pizza and pens: National Doctors’ Day should be about saving lives

    James Young, MD
  • Maximizing physician potential: How coaching can aid in conflict resolution, enhance health care leadership and build stronger teams

    Asha Padmanabhan, MD
  • Physicians are a finite resource we need to protect

    Jack Resneck, Jr., MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond pizza and pens: National Doctors’ Day should be about saving lives

      James Young, MD | Physician
    • Physicians are a finite resource we need to protect

      Jack Resneck, Jr., MD | Physician
    • From clocking in to clocking out: the transition to retirement

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • It’s time for C-suite to contract directly with physicians for part-time work

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking the cycle of failure in modern medicine

      Kortney West, MD | Physician
    • ChatGPT: the Napster of the AI world?

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The missing piece of physicians’ financial plans

      Daniel B. Wrenne, CFP | Finance
    • Counterfeit drugs: a hidden danger lurking in your medicine cabinet

      Emily Kahoud | Meds
    • How understanding cultural backgrounds can lead to better patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Is Surgery Riskier After a COVID Infection?
  • The Best Medicine for Healthcare Workers: A Living Wage
  • Meat Consumption and UTIs; Air Pollution's Effects on Health
  • 'Early Birds' With Sleep Apnea May Get More CPAP Benefits
  • Mental Health Care Goes Beyond Just the Patient

Meeting Coverage

  • VTE Risk in Recurrent Ovarian Cancer Increases With More Lines of Chemotherapy
  • Obesity's Impact on Uterine Cancer Risk Greater in Younger Age Groups
  • Oral Roflumilast Effective in the Treatment of Plaque Psoriasis
  • Phase III Trials 'Hit a Home Run' in Advanced Endometrial Cancer
  • Cannabis Use Common in Post-Surgery Patients on Opioid Tapering
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond pizza and pens: National Doctors’ Day should be about saving lives

      James Young, MD | Physician
    • Physicians are a finite resource we need to protect

      Jack Resneck, Jr., MD | Physician
    • From clocking in to clocking out: the transition to retirement

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • It’s time for C-suite to contract directly with physicians for part-time work

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking the cycle of failure in modern medicine

      Kortney West, MD | Physician
    • ChatGPT: the Napster of the AI world?

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The missing piece of physicians’ financial plans

      Daniel B. Wrenne, CFP | Finance
    • Counterfeit drugs: a hidden danger lurking in your medicine cabinet

      Emily Kahoud | Meds
    • How understanding cultural backgrounds can lead to better patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today iMedicalApps
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...