Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Doctors struggle with unrealistic expectations and lack of self-care, leading to a lack of mercy towards colleagues

Brandi Fontenot, MD
Physician
January 19, 2023
9 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

“Mercy and consideration for the other man, but none for yourself, upon whom you have to keep an incessant watch.”
– Sir William Osler, MD.

Ironic, isn’t it? The physician is expected to go above and beyond, superhuman even, held to an unrealistic standard above most others, and yet, is their own worst critic. (Or was until social media, but that is another writing for another day.)

We continuously hold ourselves to that in nearly every aspect of life. Because we give so much to the job or calling, as some of us sentimentalists see it, there is not enough left to give adequately to those or those not involved in medicine. This sets us up to feel guilty and lacking in other aspects of our lives. After all, medicine is the utmost jealous mistress to all and refuses to be awarded anything but first place. It is a burnout no amount of yoga can fix. How can we reconcile this? I’m not entirely sure what the answer is, and I think many ponder the same.

As a whole, we continue as teachers or mentors to snowball this inadequate amount of mercy to those below us in training or practice. For example, I remembered as clear as day at my first real clerkship as a third-year medical student nearly 15 years ago. All of the students had an idea of what specialty they had set their eyes on. Mine, at the time, was pediatric oncology. I even dreamed of working at Saint Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I did a six-week rotation at a children’s hospital, mostly on the oncology ward team. The attending at the time, a middle-aged MD who rarely smiled, was someone I referred to in my head as a “tough old bird.” I now know this was the attending’s coping mechanism. On the first day of table rounds, after all of us nervously presented patients and plans, a thick, palpable fog of despair hung in the air, especially after discussing the infant with relapsing acute leukemia.

The attending must have seen our hearts pounding on our sleeves, and though I did not personally see anyone shed a tear, they forcefully stated, “We do not cry here. The families do enough for everyone. If you are going to lose it, go into the damn stairwell, cry, collect yourself and wipe your face before returning.” Multiple gulps could be heard, followed by several emphatic nods.

Secretly, I cried every day when I returned to my vehicle and drove back to my apartment. This made certain for me that I could not do this for the rest of my life. I respected those that could, but I knew I would find it difficult to draw the line.

There is no, or certainly not enough, mercy in this profession — at least too few and far between. However infrequent, I have seen marvelous acts of mercy between colleagues, and I cling to those bright spots. One especially brought to mind centers around a selfless colleague, a kind and old soul who loves jazz and who has fallen on a sword for me more than once. You know who you are, my dear friend.

A good place to start is with more people like my friend. Let us all try to be that type of colleague and friend. Let us show mercy and consideration for our fellow MDs since we do a terrible job doing this for ourselves.

Brandi Fontenot is an internal medicine physician.

Prev

The decline of whole-person treatment in modern medicine

January 19, 2023 Kevin 7
…
Next

Direct primary care: more access, more savings, more care

January 19, 2023 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The decline of whole-person treatment in modern medicine
Next Post >
Direct primary care: more access, more savings, more care

More by Brandi Fontenot, MD

  • The art of the physical exam: the importance of returning to the basics

    Brandi Fontenot, MD
  • Why primary care physicians should be the quarterbacks in patient care

    Brandi Fontenot, MD

Related Posts

  • How social media can help or hurt your health care career

    Health eCareers
  • The solution to a crumbling primary care foundation is direct primary care

    Sara Pastoor, MD
  • How I was wrong about health care

    Robert Yoho, MD
  • Care is no longer personal. Care is political.

    Eva Kittay, PhD
  • Primary Care First: CMS develops a value-based primary care program for independent practices

    Robert Colton, MD
  • Proactive care is the linchpin for saving America’s health care system

    Ronald A. Paulus, MD, MBA

More in Physician

  • How excessively regulating doctors can harm patients

    Richard Gunderman, MD, PhD and James Lynch, MD
  • The alarming epidemic of physician burnout and how we can combat it

    Tomi Mitchell, MD
  • A retired physician’s battle with moral injury

    Hayward Zwerling, MD
  • Unveiling the secrets to effective resuscitation and overcoming obstacles

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • A tense family drama unfolds as a young daughter pursues unconventional career path

    Osmund Agbo, MD
  • Decoding the brain’s decision-making: insights for medical professions and strategies for success

    Harvey Castro, MD, MBA
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Georgia’s new law promoting truth and transparency in health care credentials

      Carmen Kavali, MD | Policy
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • Proactive risk management: a game-changer in preventing physician burnout

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Unfilled residency spots and the future of emergency medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How excessively regulating doctors can harm patients

      Richard Gunderman, MD, PhD and James Lynch, MD | Physician
    • AI-driven solutions for burnout, patient empathy, and worker shortage

      Harry Severance, MD | Tech
    • How modern lifestyle changes are disrupting our immune systems

      Kara Wada, MD | Conditions
    • Empathy and awareness: Unveiling the hidden dangers of food allergies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The alarming epidemic of physician burnout and how we can combat it

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Hooray! A Clearer Estimate of Your Risk for Death Is Around the Corner
  • Transapical Transcatheter Mitral Valve Replacement Trial Raises Questions
  • Americans With Heart Disease Less Likely to Use Wearable Devices
  • Residents, Fellows at Mass General Brigham Vote to Unionize
  • Alzheimer's Drug Clears Major Hurdle Toward Full Approval

Meeting Coverage

  • Transapical Transcatheter Mitral Valve Replacement Trial Raises Questions
  • MitraClip Shines in Real-World, Core-Lab Data
  • Risankizumab Safe in Older Crohn's Disease Patients
  • How to Better Identify HER2-Low Breast Cancer
  • Higher Fetal Cortisol Levels Linked to Sleep Onset Delays
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Georgia’s new law promoting truth and transparency in health care credentials

      Carmen Kavali, MD | Policy
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • Proactive risk management: a game-changer in preventing physician burnout

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Unfilled residency spots and the future of emergency medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How excessively regulating doctors can harm patients

      Richard Gunderman, MD, PhD and James Lynch, MD | Physician
    • AI-driven solutions for burnout, patient empathy, and worker shortage

      Harry Severance, MD | Tech
    • How modern lifestyle changes are disrupting our immune systems

      Kara Wada, MD | Conditions
    • Empathy and awareness: Unveiling the hidden dangers of food allergies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The alarming epidemic of physician burnout and how we can combat it

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...