I shall translate.

This is her big day! She is meeting with her specialist for the first time, excited to finally hear that she will be cured from her annoying disease.

I am there to interpret back and forth between her and her doctor to eliminate the language barrier.

She has been suffering from this terrible disease affecting multiple organ systems in her frail body for a long time.

Today, she is done!

With her family, she fled from her war-torn hometown to a famous refugee camp in the neighboring country and then to the place of her dreams, America.

She lost her older sister to this monster disease while refuging in the camp.

She was told they have a definite cure for her disease in America.

Here I am, introducing her and her father to the specialist, her first doctor ever in America.

She is shy yet excited to say goodbye to her disease.

I translate many questions about her history, which she answers impatiently.

She wants to speed up the encounter to the ultimate cure, she is done!

After evaluating her, her doctor begins to explain the management of particular aspects of her disease and the eventual involvement of other health care disciplines.

I translate.

But what about the cure? I don’t want to hear the in-between. I came here for the end. 

I translate.

We still have a long way to improve your nutrition and your overall health condition first. There are many other doctors who will be involved in your care. They will decide when to send you to the ongoing clinical trials.

I translate.

“As of this moment, there is no cure to your disease,” concludes the doctor.

Silence.

I shall translate.

I am gathering my words, and this is taking me time.
My feelings are overwhelming me.
My cheeks are burning, my pupils are dilating, and my ears are in denial.

But I shall translate.

I am about to start translating, but her words are stopping me. Her excitement that is shouting the end, her bright look that is shining the hope, her smile that is fighting the pain, everything in her is stopping me.

But I shall translate.

Her future plans for her new life without the disease are stopping me.

But I shall translate.

Her journey with her parents and her other siblings is stopping me.

But I shall translate.

I close my eyes. I turn off my heart. I shut down my brain. I hold my breath.

I translate.

There is no cure for your disease.

The end.

Houda Bouhmam is a radiology resident.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com