Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

What I learned from stepping away from medicine for a year

Jennifer Lycette, MD
Physician
March 3, 2021
53 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

Before COVID-19, I left the practice of medicine for what would turn out to become an entire year. While away, I found a new way of seeing our hearts and bodies as humans in the medical profession, allowing me to return.

Here are five lessons I learned in the hope they might help others.

1. Perfectionism doesn’t make you perfect

If perfectionism isn’t an unwritten rule in our profession, it’s, at minimum, a heavily reinforced personality tendency. When I first faced my perfectionism, I tried to argue it was a good thing.

Of course, I’m a perfectionist. I’m a physician. We have to be perfectionists. If we’re not, people die.

But one of the dangers of perfectionism is it leaves no room for self-compassion. For a physician who prided herself on her empathy, discovering I had no self-empathy came as a rude awakening.

But learning to embrace imperfection is not an overnight task. For anyone just starting out along this path of self-discovery, a great place to start is with the seminal work of Brené Brown.

It was only after I accepted that I was a perfectionist and there was another way to live that I recognized perfectionism as an inflexible barrier to the practice of self-compassion.

2. Self-compassion is essential and isn’t what you think it is

Self-empathy takes practice and hard work. It requires showing up for yourself when it feels like it would be easier not to.

We might commit to it in that wellness seminar, but do we follow through? Or do we instead make empty promises?

Because secretly, we believe we’re superhuman.

Sure, we’ll get to our own oxygen mask soon, but first, we have time to take care of one more thing…

Self-compassion means gently but firmly reminding ourselves we’re not superhuman. We need to eat, sleep, rest, breathe, exercise, play. To attend to our own emotions and bodies every day, even when it feels like doing so might slow us down or let down others.

Because in the end, it won’t, and it doesn’t.

If you struggle with that like I did, I recommend Dr. Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.

3. External validation will never equal happiness

For me, a sneaky triad had set the stage for physician burnout. It consisted of the above two issues — perfectionism and lack of self-empathy — but the third was more subtle: a subconscious need for external validation.

I’ve come to believe that most physicians experience this triad — as a function of our own personality tendencies, combined with the covert and overt reinforcement of these factors throughout our medical training. Breaking free of it will be different for each person, but crucial for me has been learning to embrace vulnerability as a strength and not a weakness.

Only by embracing our vulnerability can we live as our authentic selves.

As Brené Brown writes, “If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

For more of a physician’s experience on vulnerability as a path, I learned from Adam B. Hill, MD’s Long Walk Out of the Woods: A Physician’s Story of Addiction, Depression, Hope, and Recovery.

4. The heart has a back door

My specialty, oncology, draws empathetic people, but at no time in my training was I taught how to cope with the deluge of emotional input that comes with serving others in our field.

I’ve now learned it’s possible to keep one’s heart open to those in need but allow the things that don’t belong to us to flow through and out. We don’t need to build walls, but we also don’t need to adopt burdens that aren’t ours. Especially when that’s not what our patients are asking — or needing — from us.

But if we’re never given the tools or taught the strategies in our training, it’s difficult not to internalize others’ pain.

To learn more, I recommend the book Self-Care for the Self-Aware: A Guide for Highly Sensitive People, Empaths, Intuitives, and Healers.

By keeping the back door of the heart open, I’m learning to stay present in the moment with my patients and then release the emotions afterward.

Which was the step I was missing—and the essential piece needed to then be present for my family when I return home.

5. The game is rigged

I hadn’t fully understood the personal stress of working in a broken system (I’m referring here to pre-pandemic; a discussion of the additional pressures from COVID-19 is beyond the scope of this article) while still trying to pretend everything was fine until I read the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.

As they write, “Just knowing that the game is rigged can help you feel better right away.”

But if the game is rigged, how do we win?

Not by proving to others that the system is wrong because we know now that’s a given. But by showing up anyway to do the right thing. Not for the system, but to hold true to our authentic selves. By not letting the brokenness erode our purpose.

For me, this recognition was what helped me discover my purpose again.

And to decide to make myself vulnerable by sharing my experience with others. Because one of the key ingredients for self-compassion is a recognition of our common humanity.

I’m more and more convinced that the way many of us were trained—to suppress emotion and evince a superhuman outer aspect—was profoundly flawed and incompatible with a shared humanity.

Because it turns out that emotions live in the body. They are what make us human and allow us to connect with others.

Rather than putting our bodies and emotions in a straitjacket to conform to impossible outer expectations, we can recognize our vulnerability as an integral part of our humanity.

By doing so, I’m discovering that I still do want to be a physician. But only as my authentic self.

Jennifer Lycette is a hematology-oncology physician and can be reached on Twitter @jl_lycette. This article originally appeared in Doximity’s Op-Med.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

We need to stop blaming the doctors

March 3, 2021 Kevin 24
…
Next

We need to work together to help schools reopen [PODCAST]

March 3, 2021 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Oncology/Hematology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
We need to stop blaming the doctors
Next Post >
We need to work together to help schools reopen [PODCAST]

More by Jennifer Lycette, MD

  • How popular culture has historically portrayed tech in health care and what we can learn from it in the ChatGPT era

    Jennifer Lycette, MD
  • How writing and storytelling helped me recover from burnout

    Jennifer Lycette, MD
  • The insurance denial process: one oncologist’s fight against a broken system

    Jennifer Lycette, MD

Related Posts

  • The lessons learned from street medicine

    Nicholas Bascou
  • A surprising example of how medicine is learned from our patients

    Aaron Grubner
  • How social media can advance humanism in medicine

    Pooja Lakshmin, MD
  • Why academic medicine needs to value physician contributions to online platforms

    Ariela L. Marshall, MD
  • The difference between learning medicine and doing medicine

    Steven Zhang, MD
  • KevinMD at the Richmond Academy of Medicine

    Kevin Pho, MD

More in Physician

  • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

    William Lynes, MD
  • The escalating violence in health care workplaces: a critical problem facing the nation’s health care system

    Harry Severance, MD
  • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

    Howard Smith, MD
  • Why allowing yourself to embrace discomfort is necessary for personal growth

    Jillian Rigert, MD, DMD
  • Unconventional health care, flawed studies, and biases: Navigating the complexities for optimal well-being

    Kara Wada, MD
  • Finding your ideal work-life balance: tips for prioritizing personal life and achieving professional success

    Zahid Awan, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Healing trauma and reconnecting: Unmasking the impact of dissociation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why the WHO’s pandemic accord is critical for global health care

      Elizabeth Métraux | Policy
    • The revolutionary Kaiser-Geisinger deal: How health care giants are reshaping the industry and empowering patients

      Robert Pearl, MD | Policy
    • The escalating violence in health care workplaces: a critical problem facing the nation’s health care system

      Harry Severance, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • When You Know Better, Do Better for People With Disabilities
  • Could Semaglutide Help Curb Addictive Behaviors?
  • 'If the Narcan Isn't Working, Give More' and Other Myths About Naloxone Use
  • CDC: Children's Brain Infections Rose Last Winter, But Remained Rare
  • Inside the Fight Against Burnout Amid the Chaos of War in Ukraine

Meeting Coverage

  • Cardiovascular Risk Models Still Fall Short for Arthritis Patients
  • De-Escalated Surgery Suffices for Low-Risk Cervical Cancer
  • More Evidence Backs Gout Benefit for Gliflozin Agents
  • Reaction to FDA's Approval of Upadacitinib for Crohn's Disease
  • CDK4/6 Extends Reach Into Early-Stage Breast Cancer
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Healing trauma and reconnecting: Unmasking the impact of dissociation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why the WHO’s pandemic accord is critical for global health care

      Elizabeth Métraux | Policy
    • The revolutionary Kaiser-Geisinger deal: How health care giants are reshaping the industry and empowering patients

      Robert Pearl, MD | Policy
    • The escalating violence in health care workplaces: a critical problem facing the nation’s health care system

      Harry Severance, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...