Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A physician’s lonely New Year’s eve

Lindsay Ripley, MD
Physician
January 20, 2021
5 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

The roads are dark and empty at 6:15. Passing through downtown, animated reindeer “fly” through the air in lights on the side of a skyscraper. At the end of the truncated commute, I snag a spot on the second floor of the parking garage—typically rare but plentiful today. In the hospital’s lobby, I pass the 20-foot tree—topped with a massive star more like a spiky sea creature—that has been up for a month. Its day is finally here. Despite the perks of the morning and the cheer around me, I’m glum, grumpy, bitter. I hate working on Christmas.

The morning goes smoothly enough; instead of opening presents, I open patient charts. I have the additional task today of assigning the newly admitted patients to doctors—an always thankless job, and often complaint-inducing from those who feel they’ve been given too many patients. Yet I hear no grievances. I look up my patients’ vital signs, labs, overnight events, and consultant recommendations and then head out to see my flock.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that patients are desperate to go home in the days leading up to holidays. One of my worst memories is telling a patient on Christmas Eve that her brain cancer, in remission for five years, was back. And I couldn’t discharge her to see her family for Christmas. Similarly, there are always physicians trying to trade shifts with other—aren’t you Jewish?—potentially willing colleagues. But once the day hits, we are resigned to our fates. The unlucky manage to muster up some Christmas spirit despite their circumstances.

I guess I’d forgotten this; as I see each patient, I remember it a little more. I get a “Thanks Doc” or a “Merry Christmas” from almost everyone. Even a couple, “I’m sorry you’re here’s.” Those I don’t deserve. So I try to make my patients feel like I want to be here. I hear about families and how they like to spend Christmas. I hear lines like, “I know I gotta be here. It’s what’s best.” We are both prioritizing long-term goals over short-term enjoyment. It feels like we are on the same page. The same team.

As I round and write notes, I know my family is staying at an Airbnb outside of Austin, cooking, drinking, and commemorating two of our clan who died this year. My mom sends me a few pictures. My boyfriend, who has stayed in town with me, texts me about his day driving around looking for a Waffle House to eat Christmas lunch (apparently this is a popular thing to do, and he has to go to three to avoid a line). I feel guilty about all of it.

I get a message about Feliz Navi-Nacho, the taco bar that some providers have organized for lunch. But I skip it. Frankly, I like hospital Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. They’re the same meal of turkey slices, stuffing, green beans, roll, and a slice of pie.

Waiting in line at the cafeteria for the free meal, I see the stack of apple pie slices on the counter. And then … wait … the pumpkin pie I’d expected but been denied at Thanksgiving was there! I excitedly shout “pumpkin” when asked what kind of pie I’d like. I meet my yearly quota (and ironically maximum) of one slice of pumpkin pie.

In the afternoon, I touch base with consultants. I expect to endure the grumpiness of residents and fellows, who are immensely overworked and underpaid. But again, I’m greeted with cheery voices and Merry Christmas’s. Even the serfs, who are often testy during standard work hours and had no choice but to work the holiday, have been seized by the Yuletide spirit. If they can let it happen, so can I. Unlike them, I am done with my training. Unlike many of my patients, I am healthy, have a home, and have the freedom to leave the hospital for the night.

I make it home before 6. My boyfriend grills brats for dinner, and we watch the Grinch with Jim Carrey. I fall asleep with 40 minutes left before the Grinch grows a heart and turns to “good,” but I do not doubt that the transformation happens. I am proof that it can.

As I write this on New Year’s Eve, my family is not getting together. My boyfriend left to see his family in Georgia, where I’m not allowed to travel due to COVID risks. I can’t go out. I had planned to see a friend tonight, but there’s a wintry mix coming, and I don’t want to risk getting stranded. In short, I’m at home alone. I wish I was at work today. The hospital has a great view of the fireworks. And people to watch them with.

Lindsey Ripley is an internal medicine physician.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Training in psychiatry would give me the opportunity to understand suicide far better

January 20, 2021 Kevin 2
…
Next

My Klonopin withdrawal story

January 20, 2021 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Training in psychiatry would give me the opportunity to understand suicide far better
Next Post >
My Klonopin withdrawal story

More by Lindsay Ripley, MD

  • What The Big Sick says about our profession

    Lindsay Ripley, MD
  • Physicians should move away from pagers. But it’s not that easy.

    Lindsay Ripley, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • The black physician’s burden

    Naomi Tweyo Nkinsi
  • Why this physician supports Medicare for all

    Thad Salmon, MD
  • Embrace the teamwork involved in becoming a physician

    Nathaniel Fleming

More in Physician

  • How to overcome telemedicine’s biggest obstacles

    Harvey Castro, MD, MBA
  • The patient who became my soulmate

    Anonymous
  • Breaking the stigma: Addressing the struggles of physicians

    Jean Antonucci, MD
  • Life as a physician is sometimes like a runaway trailer

    Christopher Nyte, DO
  • The controversial origin of the Hippocratic oath

    Brian Elliott, MD
  • From physician to patient: one doctor’s journey to finding purpose after a devastating injury

    Stephanie Pearson, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • From physician to patient: one doctor’s journey to finding purpose after a devastating injury

      Stephanie Pearson, MD | Physician
    • An unspoken truth about non-compete clauses in medicine

      Harry Severance, MD | Policy
    • Fostering the next (diverse) generation of clinicians

      Imamu Tomlinson, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Healing through love and spirituality

      John T. James, PhD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • The hidden dangers of the Nebraska Heartbeat Act

      Meghan Sheehan, MD | Policy
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • The vital importance of climate change education in medical schools

      Helen Kim, MD | Policy
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • Why are doctors sued and politicians aren’t?

      Kellie Lease Stecher, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Rescuing primary care: the role of health administrators [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking down barriers: How technology is improving diabetes management in underserved communities

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • From penicillin to digital health: the impact of social media on medicine

      Homer Moutran, MD, MBA, Caline El-Khoury, PhD, and Danielle Wilson | Social media
    • Healing the damaged nurse-physician dynamic

      Angel J. Mena, MD and Ali Morin, MSN, RN | Policy
    • How to overcome telemedicine’s biggest obstacles

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Deaths of despair: an urgent call for a collective response to the crisis in U.S. life expectancy

      Mohammed Umer Waris, MD | Policy

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Investigational ALS Drug May Have Clinical Benefit, FDA Staff Says
  • Cases of Deadly Fungus Tripled in Past Few Years, CDC Says
  • Small Gains in Cardiorespiratory Fitness Track With Improved Longevity
  • Improved OS With Hyperfractionated RT in Recurrent Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma
  • GPT-4 Is Here. How Can Doctors Use Generative AI Now?

Meeting Coverage

  • Rapid Improvement in Atopic Dermatitis With Topical PDE4 Inhibitor
  • New Approaches in the Bladder-Sparing Paradigm
  • Response Rates in Hidradenitis Suppurativa Continue to Climb With New Therapies
  • Another Win for a JAK Inhibitor in Alopecia Areata
  • Biologic Switch Revs Up Response in Plaque Psoriasis
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • From physician to patient: one doctor’s journey to finding purpose after a devastating injury

      Stephanie Pearson, MD | Physician
    • An unspoken truth about non-compete clauses in medicine

      Harry Severance, MD | Policy
    • Fostering the next (diverse) generation of clinicians

      Imamu Tomlinson, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Healing through love and spirituality

      John T. James, PhD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • The hidden dangers of the Nebraska Heartbeat Act

      Meghan Sheehan, MD | Policy
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • The vital importance of climate change education in medical schools

      Helen Kim, MD | Policy
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • Why are doctors sued and politicians aren’t?

      Kellie Lease Stecher, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Rescuing primary care: the role of health administrators [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking down barriers: How technology is improving diabetes management in underserved communities

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • From penicillin to digital health: the impact of social media on medicine

      Homer Moutran, MD, MBA, Caline El-Khoury, PhD, and Danielle Wilson | Social media
    • Healing the damaged nurse-physician dynamic

      Angel J. Mena, MD and Ali Morin, MSN, RN | Policy
    • How to overcome telemedicine’s biggest obstacles

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Deaths of despair: an urgent call for a collective response to the crisis in U.S. life expectancy

      Mohammed Umer Waris, MD | Policy

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today iMedicalApps
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...