Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Reading about resident wellness and physician burnout failed me

Joshua Goldman, MD
Physician
March 26, 2018
96 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

I leaned back against the wall, breathed into my palms and brushed beads of sweat from my forehead. I wondered if I wasn’t crying because I lacked the emotional capacity, was too exhausted to expend the energy or maybe simple dehydration. Sounds from the preceding hours played on repeat: congratulations on a clean dissection, a panicking anesthesiologist unable to ventilate, the sad songs of bradycardia and hypoxia playing on the monitors, the crunch of fractured ribs beneath my overlapping palms, time of death called, exchanges of appreciation for valiant efforts. The cycle was broken by my attending’s hand patting my shoulder, “You OK? Don’t worry about dictating this one; I’ll take care of it. Get some rest.”

She was a patient I had followed for months. I knew her family. I rearranged my schedule to be available for the case. It was my first, and last, on-table death. Eventually, I mobilized to finish the “plus four” part of a “24+4” (a 28-hour shift), which was fine because I was invincible. I didn’t need sleep or help of any sort. A six-year residency ahead, and I was intent on sprinting all 26.2 miles. I switched on autopilot and started home.

No more scrubs, a soft comforter and finally allowing heavy lids to close over burning eyes appealed to me the way breathing does after being held under water. I woke to a loud bang and the visage of an old truck staring into my driver-side window. That moment, I realized I had hit the truck and careened away from it. The road curved to the right, and the reflexive turn serendipitously corrected my path into the designated lane. Frantically looking around, the flow of traffic appeared un-phased. My blood pressure skyrocketed as we pulled over to evaluate the damage. Only our mirrors had collided. Relief washed over, but a deluge of concern followed. I yearned to confess the worst-case eventualities that haunted me despite not coming to fruition. Should I call my program director? GME coordinator? Mom? Embarrassed as I was ashamed, I spoke to no one about the incident for years.

Hunter S. Thompson wrote, “Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.” I remain proud of staying for the case, treating a patient I cared about, staying true to myself and my profession, but contrary to my oath, I could have harmed myself, or worse, others. All of the “sleep and fatigue” modules I had clicked through had failed me. Reading about resident wellness and physician burnout had failed me. The warm intent of duty hour restrictions had failed me. Most of all, I had failed me. What has not failed me since, is sleep, exercise, food, bathroom breaks, friends, family, and choosing these things when I need them. Fortune or fate kept me in the right lane that day, but maintaining balance, in every sense of the word, keeps me from relying on luck to avoid disaster.

Joshua Goldman is a plastic surgery resident.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Learn typical community acquired pneumonia with a Medcomic

March 26, 2018 Kevin 0
…
Next

Clinical plagiarism: the problem of copy and pasting in EMRs

March 26, 2018 Kevin 6
…

Tagged as: Surgery

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Learn typical community acquired pneumonia with a Medcomic
Next Post >
Clinical plagiarism: the problem of copy and pasting in EMRs

More by Joshua Goldman, MD

  • Physician suicide: Putting words into action

    Joshua Goldman, MD
  • The first time this doctor hated a patient. And what he did next.

    Joshua Goldman, MD

Related Posts

  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How minor fixes can help with resident burnout

    Daniel Orlovich, MD, PharmD
  • Physician burnout is as much a legal problem as it is a medical one

    Sharona Hoffman, JD
  • Despite physician burnout, medical schools are still hard to get into. Why is that?

    Suneel Dhand, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD

More in Physician

  • Physician return-to-work policies

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • How my patients’ Zoom backgrounds made me a better doctor

    Joseph Barrera, MD
  • Understanding reproductive rights: complex considerations

    Anonymous
  • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

    Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD
  • Practicing medicine with conviction

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • The power of memory in shaping human identity

    Emily F. Peters and Sandeep Jauhar, MD, PhD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Physician return-to-work policies

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Physician return-to-work policies

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Communication, power dynamics, and organizational culture in health care

      Beth Boynton, RN, MS, CP | Conditions
    • How my patients’ Zoom backgrounds made me a better doctor

      Joseph Barrera, MD | Physician
    • Understanding reproductive rights: complex considerations

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Innovations in surgical education [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Everyday dangers unknowingly impacting our health

      Tami Burdick | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • FDA OKs Another Injectable for Rare Kidney Disorder
  • Loneliness Tied to Subsequent Parkinson's Risk
  • A Promising New Approach to Reducing Burnout and Workforce Depletion
  • ABIM CEO Retirement Comes Amid Wave of Criticism
  • Recent Developments in Crohn's Disease

Meeting Coverage

  • Hot Flashes: Precursor to Alzheimer's Disease?
  • SABR Offers New Hope for Older Patients With Inoperable Kidney Cancer
  • Menopausal Women With Obesity Endure Worse Symptoms, Less HT Relief
  • Study Pinpoints Growing Use of Cannabis to Manage Menopause Symptoms
  • Fezolinetant Benefits Women Not Suited for Hormone Therapy
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Physician return-to-work policies

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Physician return-to-work policies

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Communication, power dynamics, and organizational culture in health care

      Beth Boynton, RN, MS, CP | Conditions
    • How my patients’ Zoom backgrounds made me a better doctor

      Joseph Barrera, MD | Physician
    • Understanding reproductive rights: complex considerations

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Innovations in surgical education [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Everyday dangers unknowingly impacting our health

      Tami Burdick | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...