Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Before you say “I’m sorry,” I challenge you to think

Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD
Physician
September 26, 2017
755 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

We as women have to stop saying “I’m sorry” for things out of our control. When we apologize for things we are not responsible for, we take a step backwards in the advancement of women in the workplace.

I am a cardiac anesthesiologist, which means I care for patients who are undergoing open-heart surgery. I work in an academic medical center and train doctors to become anesthesiologists. The operating room (OR) can be a high-stress environment, not to mention costly. As members of the OR team, we try to be extremely efficient with our time.

The very nature of what we do presents challenges, as our patients are critically ill and often times our plans do not go as anticipated. Difficulty in placing lines in our patients that allow us to give medicine and transfusions, challenges in airway procedures, or patients who are unstable under anesthesia are all equal opportunity tests that present themselves to both men and women resident physicians under my supervision.

However, there is something interesting that I have observed when watching residents. Male resident physicians, when faced with challenging procedures, rarely apologize for things outside of their control, appropriately so. While nurses and surgeons are standing in the OR waiting for our team to finish so we can start the surgery, you won’t hear a male resident say “I’m sorry.” Why? Because it is not his fault.

This scenario often plays out differently for female residents. While placing difficult lines or breathing for a sick patient, it is not uncommon to hear female resident physicians look at everyone in the room and say “I’m sorry.”

Every time this happens, I cringe.

Why? Because just as the male residents are not at fault for the challenge that caused a delay or extra help, neither are the female residents. And yet in their attempt to apologize for the situation, what they are saying to everyone in the room is “This is my fault.”

And whether they mean to or not, with their apology, they are saying this: “I am not as competent, I am causing this delay, and I am sorry for this fact.”

Why is there a difference in the way males and females react to workplace challenges? Maybe it is because of differences in how we see ourselves. Perhaps unconscious biases by our teams and our own selves are also present. In the 2016 McKinsey Study on Women in the Workplace, differences were found between the top personality strengths of successful female and male leaders. While male and female leaders shared several top attributes, male leaders had “achievement” as their top strength, while the female leaders scored highest for “responsibility.” This suggests female leaders tend to take more self-responsibility for actions in the workplace. Is this why we are constantly apologizing, even for things outside of our control?

Perhaps.

What can we change? Our responses as individuals.

Recently I was working with a female resident on a very sick patient in an acute situation in the operating room. She was doing everything carefully, precisely, and with extreme caution, just as directed. The procedure was difficult and taking longer than it should have due to some things beyond her control. I knew that she was doing the safest thing for the patient, and I wanted her to achieve success in a stressful situation. So I remained silent, giving her nods of encouragement. Knowing someday she would have to do these procedures on her own in a similar high-pressure situation, I wanted her to feel success and gain confidence in her decision-making.

About half-way into the procedure, she glanced at the clock, and everyone in the OR watching her, and started to apologize for the length of time it was taking her.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

I smiled at her and told her to keep going. I assured her she was doing a great job.

Finally, after her third apology, I stepped in and finished the procedure.

After the patient was stable and the procedure was finished, I pulled her aside. I explained to her that I wanted her to succeed in medicine, and I wanted her to be the leader that I knew she was capable of becoming. I recommended that she stop apologizing, immediately, for situations outside of her control. I described to her how her apologies made everyone in the room place blame on one person – her. I encouraged her that her approach to the patient and her clinical care was great. That was not the issue. It was her constant apologies, and her destruction of her own self-confidence, that required change.

She thanked me.

We have to recognize this in our colleagues and ourselves. As men and women, we are very different, and this is good thing. We have different strengths, talents, and ideas to offer. Diverse organizations are successful organizations. Diversity in organizational leadership equates to positive financial, cultural and customer satisfaction outcomes. We need women leaders, and as women, we must stop apologizing for doing our jobs.

Before you say “I’m sorry,” I challenge you to think.

If you hear a woman in your workplace apologize for something not her fault, maybe you should speak to her privately and encourage her to change this behavior.

Let’s help one another create diverse, successful, and forward-thinking organizations.

That is something we should never be sorry about.

Sasha K. Shillcutt is an anesthesiologist who blogs at Brave Enough.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

How tech can get doctors back to seeing patients

September 26, 2017 Kevin 7
…
Next

How the stories of refugees affected this medical student

September 26, 2017 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine, Primary Care, Surgery

Post navigation

< Previous Post
How tech can get doctors back to seeing patients
Next Post >
How the stories of refugees affected this medical student

More by Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD

  • The inspiring women physicians of the COVID-19 pandemic

    Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD
  • An anesthesiologist’s message to her community

    Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD
  • A physician’s plea to patients

    Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD

Related Posts

  • Take the naloxone challenge

    Matthew Zuckerman, MD
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • I challenge you to discuss death

    Emily S. Hagen
  • I’m sorry that we couldn’t save you

    Evan Schauer
  • Legal challenge from Disability Rights Texas may have repercussions in schools across the country

    Eva Kittay, PhD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD

More in Physician

  • Raw humanity on night float: inspiring patient encounters and overcoming challenges

    Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH
  • Revolutionizing emergency medicine: Overcoming long-term challenges with innovative solutions for physicians and patients

    Anonymous
  • The pediatric health care system tested to the limits: an inside look at the “at capacity” period during the tripledemic

    Jacqueline Bolt, MD
  • How chronic illness and disability are portrayed in media and the importance of daily choices for improved quality of life

    Juliet Morgan and Meghan Jobson
  • How biased language and stigmatizing labels affect patient care and treatment

    Joan Naidorf, DO
  • Emulating Michael Jordan’s winning mindset: a path to success for health care professionals and entrepreneurs

    Harvey Castro, MD, MBA
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A patient’s perspective on the diminishing relationship between doctors and patients

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Unmasking wage disparity in health care: the truth behind the Elmhurst Hospital physician strike

      Kevin Pho, MD | KevinMD
    • Why affirmative action is crucial for health equity and social justice in medicine

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Policy
    • How electronic health records preserve patients’ legacies in the words of oncologists

      Marc Braunstein, MD, PhD | Physician
    • Unmasking the brutal reality of gun violence in America: a call to action for unity and meaningful change

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Policy
    • Emulating Michael Jordan’s winning mindset: a path to success for health care professionals and entrepreneurs

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The growing threat to transgender health care: implications for patients, providers, and trainees

      Carson Hartlage | Policy
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Raw humanity on night float: inspiring patient encounters and overcoming challenges

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Is AI the solution for the shortage of nephrologists? ChatGPT weighs in.

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Tech
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • Why HIPAA is failing and what you need to know to protect your data [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revolutionizing emergency medicine: Overcoming long-term challenges with innovative solutions for physicians and patients

      Anonymous | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • What Drug Did FDA Just Approve for COVID?
  • PET Scan for Alzheimer's Dx; Predicting Colon Cancer Survival
  • What Happens When We Classify Kids' Weight as a 'Disease'?
  • Sotagliflozin Gets FDA's Blessing for Heart Failure
  • Cardiorespiratory Monitoring Can Be Telling of Outcomes in Extremely Preterm Infants

Meeting Coverage

  • No Access to Routine Healthcare Biggest Barrier to HPV Vaccination
  • Trial Results Spark Talk of Curing More Metastatic Cervical Cancers
  • Cross-Border Collaboration Improves Survival in Pediatric Leukemia Patients
  • Monoclonal Antibody Reduced Need For Transfusions in Low-Risk MDS
  • Less-Invasive Surgery for Pancreatic Cancer Proves Safe, Effective
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A patient’s perspective on the diminishing relationship between doctors and patients

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Unmasking wage disparity in health care: the truth behind the Elmhurst Hospital physician strike

      Kevin Pho, MD | KevinMD
    • Why affirmative action is crucial for health equity and social justice in medicine

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Policy
    • How electronic health records preserve patients’ legacies in the words of oncologists

      Marc Braunstein, MD, PhD | Physician
    • Unmasking the brutal reality of gun violence in America: a call to action for unity and meaningful change

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Policy
    • Emulating Michael Jordan’s winning mindset: a path to success for health care professionals and entrepreneurs

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The growing threat to transgender health care: implications for patients, providers, and trainees

      Carson Hartlage | Policy
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Raw humanity on night float: inspiring patient encounters and overcoming challenges

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Is AI the solution for the shortage of nephrologists? ChatGPT weighs in.

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Tech
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • Why HIPAA is failing and what you need to know to protect your data [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revolutionizing emergency medicine: Overcoming long-term challenges with innovative solutions for physicians and patients

      Anonymous | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Before you say “I’m sorry,” I challenge you to think
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...