Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Years after a stroke, and wondering if the right decision was made

Jordan Grumet, MD
Physician
November 7, 2014
6 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

Cheryl loved to dance.  There wasn’t a time in our house when the the kids weren’t jumping up and down on the furniture, the radio blasting, and her body swaying in rhythm.  Ironically, we were dancing when it happened.  It was her fortieth birthday.  The kids laughed and clapped as I dipped her dramatically and she sprung back into my arms.  And then she crumpled.  Tony, my youngest, giggled hysterically thinking it was a ruse.  I clutched at her lifeless body, all muscle tone was lost.

It was the emergency room physician who first used the word “stroke.” But what does a plumber know of such things.  In my experience you could always replace the damaged or diseased part.  I clung to this naive worldview as Cheryl was transferred to the ICU.  Tony and Lisa alternated between collaborating and arguing as I held vigil at her bedside.  And we waited.

Everyday the neurosurgeon came in with worse news.  First there was bleeding.  Then an increase in brain pressure.  The nurses whispered about hospice, but no one had the fortitude to talk of such things openly.  I wouldn’t have listened anyway.  How does one give up on their lover, partner, friend?  If there is one chance in a million, wouldn’t you take it?

The conference room was full of doctors and social workers.  Tony and Lisa stayed outside in the waiting area and played with Legos.  The neurosurgeon was severe and agile, a man of action.  He described the procedure to remove part of the skull to relieve the pressure.  The internist was mousy and meek. He used numbers and percentages.  He assured that it would be OK to do nothing, to let nature takes it’s course.  I visualized Cheryl’s brain like a drain clogged and stuffed to the point of bursting.  I imagined reaching with my tools and clearing the debris.  I decided to let the neurosurgeon have at it.

The years that followed were difficult.  Cheryl didn’t die, but she never recovered either.  And each fork in the road was met with another gut wrenching decision.  Tracheostomy, feeding tube, nursing home.  Her brain severely damaged by swelling and blood, her recovery was tortuous and incomplete.

She did improve.  The tracheostomy tube was removed.  She is able to move her eyes and verbalize some.  The most coherent thing she does is cry.  Everyday, in the nursing home, by herself, she cries.  She is unable to lift her hands to wipe away the tears nor does she have the brain power to negotiate the psychological torture of her daily existence. She just knows that something is wrong.  And it cannot be fixed.

Lisa and Tony are teenagers now.  They try to visit from time to time but they are in the process of building their own lives.  They are stuck in the chasm between childhood and adult.  Their invalid mother is a constant reminder that life can be horrifying.

And I wonder if I made the right decision that day in the conference room.  Maybe we would have been better off if Cheryl died quietly in that ICU.  Maybe she would have suffered less.  But I try not to think about such things too often.

Because Cheryl, Tony, Lisa and I, were just ordinary people.

We don”t always know which way to go.

Jordan Grumet is an internal medicine physician who blogs at In My Humble Opinion.

Prev

The 75 Plan: Thoughts on Ezekiel Emanuel's palliative care article

November 6, 2014 Kevin 11
…
Next

A medical student diagnosed with cancer

November 7, 2014 Kevin 6
…

Tagged as: Neurology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The 75 Plan: Thoughts on Ezekiel Emanuel's palliative care article
Next Post >
A medical student diagnosed with cancer

More by Jordan Grumet, MD

  • A hospice doctor’s advice on getting your finances in order

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • A story of persistence in the face of death

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • When a physician gets yelled at

    Jordan Grumet, MD

More in Physician

  • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

    Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD
  • Practicing medicine with conviction

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • The power of memory in shaping human identity

    Emily F. Peters and Sandeep Jauhar, MD, PhD
  • Physicians have no autonomy. Here’s how to change that.

    Diane W. Shannon, MD, MPH
  • The erosion of patient care

    Laura de la Torre, MD
  • Navigating adulthood in the digital age

    Eleanor Menzin, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Unraveling the complex enigma of obesity [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physician autonomy and patient interactions in corporate health care

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Unraveling the complex enigma of obesity [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Second chances and simple beauty in thrift stores

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • How to facilitate caregiver learning and support to improve clinical care outcomes

      Kerri Milyko, PhD | Tech
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • Exploring HIV care and advocacy [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 4 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • What Percent of Kids Had Long COVID?
  • Primary Care Visits With NPs, PAs on the Rise; C. Diff in the Intensive Care Unit
  • Are Obesity Drugs for Adolescents Cost-Effective?
  • Lab Tests That Escape FDA Oversight May Come Under Agency Review
  • Fezolinetant Benefits Women Not Suited for Hormone Therapy

Meeting Coverage

  • Fezolinetant Benefits Women Not Suited for Hormone Therapy
  • Plant-Based Estrogen Improves Lipids in Postmenopausal Women
  • New Schizophrenia Treatments Are Coming: Don't Panic
  • Loneliness Needs to Be Treated Like Any Other Health Condition, Researcher Suggests
  • Stopping Medical Misinformation Requires Early Detection
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Unraveling the complex enigma of obesity [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physician autonomy and patient interactions in corporate health care

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Unraveling the complex enigma of obesity [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Second chances and simple beauty in thrift stores

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • How to facilitate caregiver learning and support to improve clinical care outcomes

      Kerri Milyko, PhD | Tech
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • Exploring HIV care and advocacy [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Years after a stroke, and wondering if the right decision was made
4 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...