I’m usually a hugger. When I see people I haven’t seen for a while or want to acknowledge someone in an open-hearted way, I often will automatically reach for a hug. Physical acknowledgment is usually perceived as a sign of warmth. But not always. In the last few years, I have noticed that this automatic hug can actually cause harm or insult even though my intent is not to. I learned ...


My partner Judith had pain in her sinus cavity caused by a tumor called a plasmacytoma. After her biopsy, her surgeon called Friday afternoon with the results. She asked him to wait fifteen minutes until I could be home with her to get the news. He had no flexibility and said he could speak either then or Monday. She chose to speak with him then on the phone still alone. ...


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