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“No matter what, your healing work matters. No one should tell you otherwise, and nothing can change that, not even a shortcoming. You provide healing in a way no one else can. Care for yourself, and you can be the healer you truly wish to be.”
J. C. Sue is a family medicine resident.
He shares his story and discusses his KevinMD article, “Self-care should now be your plan.”
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Hosted by Kevin Pho, MD, The Podcast by KevinMD shares the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from.
Transcript
Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show, where we share the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from. My name is Kevin Pho, founder and editor of KevinMD. On today’s show, we have J. C. Sue. He is a family medicine resident, and he posted a video on KevinMD titled “Self-care should now be your plan.” JC, welcome to the show.
J. C. Sue: Thank you.
Kevin Pho: So we’ll get into your video in a little bit, but first off, can you share your story and journey to where you are today?
J. C. Sue: So I’m originally from Mountain View, California, and I actually developed an interest in medicine at a very early age. When I was maybe about three, my mom showed me a labeled diagram of the human skeleton, and I just became interested in how the human body worked and what could go wrong with it. So I read about it recreationally, eventually did decide to become a doctor, and went to medical school. Medical school did lead me to Dothan, Alabama, and then residency, now, to Augusta, Georgia.
The way this all started coming about was actually going back to my first year of medical school, where, just for fun, I decided, “OK, I’ve looked at everything I need to study for the night,” and I thought it would just be fun to write a parody of Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” when I was studying biochemistry, about acid loaders and acid extruders. So I did. I shared it with classmates, and they all just got a kick out of the lyrics. I found myself singing them to myself during the test so I could get the right answers to the test questions. So then I started using music as a way to study medicine, turning lecture notes into songs, and then I started writing my own tunes instead of using other people’s tunes a little over a year and a half ago.
I also became interested in medical student and physician wellness, after finding out about the scary suicide statistics for medical students and physicians while I was in medical school. So I did also do a few songs about just helping these people take care of themselves, and to help me take care of myself too.
The inspiration for the song that’s on KevinMD came about when I was having a discussion with Dr. Pamela Wible, who’s also been on KevinMD, and some other physicians about, well, recovering from the stress of seeing many patient deaths in the hospital, particularly in the ICU, because I was working in there during a peak COVID time, actually just last year. That can definitely take a toll on your mental health. I am very thankful that my residency program faculty are all very supportive, and my co-residents are all supportive, so I don’t feel like I was just left out to dry or anything like that. I have recognized the toll it has taken on many health care professionals nationwide, though. So Pamela Wible did suggest, “Oh, maybe you should write a song about this topic to help yourself recover and help other people recover.” So I decided to do that, and then eventually it got shared with you.
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Kevin Pho: So to give the song a little bit of context, you mentioned that when you were in the ICU treating COVID patients last year, you had a little bit of a brush with burnout. Go into more detail, and if you could, paint a picture for my audience of some of the stresses that you faced during that time.
J. C. Sue: Sure, yes. Probably the biggest factor was the number of patient deaths within a short period. I was only working in the ICU for about one month at that time, but during that month, I probably saw about 10 patient deaths, maybe more. That’s definitely a lot more than almost anyone would see, even in a year or longer. On top of that, a lot of people were very sick.
There was, for myself, the intimidation of being a family medicine resident working with a lot of internal medicine residents who had more experience with this sort of work, and I was being asked to essentially fill the same role, so that was stressful as well. Not to mention that there were more patients on ventilators than there normally would be in that particular ICU, and really, the patient census was just a lot higher than usual that whole month.
Kevin Pho: How did that affect your mental health, and what are some of the things that you did during that time to address that?
J. C. Sue: Yeah, I think it did take a toll on my mental health overall, just because there was nothing that really could have prepared me for that number of patient deaths or just the unexpected census there. I do remember working some 24-hour shifts there, and for most of those, I got next to no sleep because we were just so busy. So that was another factor.
To help mitigate this, I talked to people I trusted. I debriefed some moments, including with faculty from my program, who were definitely very helpful. During my days off, I definitely did try to catch up on sleep as much as I could and continue to eat well.
Kevin Pho: Now, when you were talking to your mentors or counselors, people who were going through similar things, what kind of advice did they give you during this time?
J. C. Sue: I really remember one of the main messages being that you’re not alone, and many other people have gone through this too, including attending physicians in the residency program I’m in. They were very empathetic and very understanding. They just helped me talk through it and reassured me that, yes, I had done the best I could. It is true that we are human and medicine has its limitations, and it’s probably one of the hardest things that all of us in health care have to accept.
Kevin Pho: Now, you wrote and sang the song on the video titled “Self-care should now be your plan.” Tell us how that song came together and what were some of the main messages that you wanted to convey.
J. C. Sue: So one of the sections of that song actually did come from the discussion that I mentioned with Pamela Wible and some other physicians, where there was an idea of just using it, or using some other personal ritual, as a way to just release the patients that we become attached to. Because certainly we do form relationships with patients, whether it’s in the acute setting or the outpatient setting, and when those people have some sort of adverse outcome, that definitely sticks with us. Whether we realize it or not, we’re attached to that until we release the patients and thank them for the roles that they have played in our lives and the roles that we’ve played in theirs. So that’s how that started.
For me personally, I usually write the tunes first before I actually put the lyrics to them, and I just tailor each of them. So when I was writing the tune, I decided to make one that was gentle but strong at the same time. You’ll notice that the accompaniment has even the highest notes more in the lower end of the alto range or so. So that was part of that.
As far as the lyrics, I knew that at one point I wanted to say, “I release you,” so I put that in there. Then I started just painting the picture based on my experience: Though I’ve seen so many deaths in the hospital, and I’ve become attached to all these patients, it’s caused a lot of stress, but I do wish to thank them for, well, the role, the interactions we’ve had, and then just release them.
Kevin Pho: How difficult was it for you to write and record this particular piece?
J. C. Sue: I think that actually writing it was probably harder than recording it, because I had to think, “Well, what kind of things did I experience?” So I had to reflect on that, and I had to write it in such a way as to convey that within a certain number of words and a certain number of syllables. As far as recording it, it took a few takes, but it actually wasn’t too bad, just because I’d been working on the song for some number of months before I actually recorded it. So it was actually fairly therapeutic to record the song and then just make the video and share it.
Kevin Pho: Now, what has the response been to your song and video in general?
J. C. Sue: In general, it’s actually been very positive. A lot of people have appreciated just me being willing to put it out there, and people have said that they hope that whoever needs that message sees it and knows that they’re not alone and that they do deserve support. They do deserve to be well.
Kevin Pho: We’re talking to J. C. Sue. He is a family medicine resident, and he recorded a video on KevinMD titled “Self-care should now be your plan.” JC, you mentioned that after you recorded the song, it was therapeutic for yourself. So can you speak to the importance of clinicians expressing themselves? It doesn’t have to be through song. Certainly it could be through other art forms, poetry, writing, and whatnot. Tell us how important it is for you to have some type of artistic release.
J. C. Sue: Well, I think it’s actually a very important thing for many physicians or other health care professionals. It’s so easy for us to lose ourselves in the roles that we have to fill professionally, especially as many of us feel the pressure from either insurance company regulations or hospital regulations, or even just restrictions of the electronic medical records, where we have to perform things a certain way. But then we start to lose a little bit of our artistic side, because it feels more mechanical. I think it’s important just because we spend so much of our time working in medicine that we can easily forget, if we don’t take care of ourselves, that we are still people and we have identities outside of being doctors, nurses, or whatever our jobs are.
Kevin Pho: Now, do you have any ideas for your next song?
J. C. Sue: So there’s actually a couple that I’m working on that are actually going to be about ACLS topics, advanced cardiac life support. Those will hopefully be up on my website as well, which is actually newly founded, in the coming months. We’ll see what happens.
Kevin Pho: And my final question: What are some of your take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience?
J. C. Sue: So I would like to say that everyone working in health care definitely needs to take care of themselves so that they can take care of other people, and that self-care should be a priority for just everyone in a health care organization, clinical or non-clinical. I would also like everyone to know that anyone who’s going through a hard time does not have to face it alone, and that there are people out there who are safe people, who are open to helping. And finally, I just would like the audience to know that despite having to work many hours in some cases, we are all still our individual people, and we should remember our identities.
Kevin Pho: JC, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for being on the show.
J. C. Sue: Yes, thank you for having me.
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