A daughter’s addiction. A mother’s love. [PODCAST]

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“I think back to the first time I ever brought Natalie to an emergency room. It was my fault. It was an odd accident. I had lifted her out of her car seat, grabbing my purse and a bag of groceries at the same time while turning and closing the car door and in doing this I also closed Natalie’s foot in the door. I didn’t know that I had done it until I pulled away and couldn’t go any further because she was caught. I actually had to open the door with the handle to release her foot.

For me, it was horrific. For Natalie, less so, because while she fussed, she wasn’t nearly as hysterical as I was. I immediately put her back in the car seat and headed to the hospital. All my arrivals at the emergency room are frantic, and this one was as well. But I guess that’s common. Which is why they have to weed people out according to severity and even have signs explaining that this is not a first-come first-serve establishment.

After I explained the reason we were there and frantically waving Natalie’s chubby little foot at everyone who would look or listen, I was escorted back pretty quickly.”

Christine Naman is a writer and author of About Natalie: A Daughter’s Addiction. A Mother’s Love. Finding Their Way Back to Each Other.

She shares her story and discusses her KevinMD article, “A daughter’s addiction. A mother’s love.”

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Hosted by Kevin Pho, MD, The Podcast by KevinMD shares the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from.

Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show, where we share the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from. My name is Kevin Pho, founder and editor of KevinMD. Today on the show, we have Christine Naman. She is the author of the book About Natalie: A Daughter’s Addiction, a Mother’s Love, Finding Their Way Back to Each Other. Christine, welcome to the show.

Christine Naman: Thank you for having me.

Kevin Pho: So we’ll get into your book and excerpt in a little bit, but first off, can you share your story and journey to where you are today?

Christine Naman: Yes. Basically, I’m a mom, the mom of a beautiful, amazing, quirky, brilliant daughter named Natalie. Natalie’s all of those things, but unfortunately, Natalie has suffered from addiction, so she’s an addict as well. My story about Natalie is the story of my journey and her journey trying to beat the monster of addiction.

Kevin Pho: And this is an issue, of course, that affects millions of families across the country. Now, you talk, of course, more about that story in your book. So start at the beginning. Tell us about your book. Tell us about the story.

Christine Naman: Well, the story, like I said, it’s a memoir. It’s our journey together. It goes from Natalie’s early childhood, from me finding out first that she was an addict, and all of our struggles, our ups and our downs, our successes, our relapses.

I’ve always expressed myself through writing, and I always thought that I would write about our journey, Natalie’s journey, my journey. But I always thought, “Well, you know, once we have a happy ending, once we have that last chapter, that’s a good one, I’ll start a book.” And then one day I kind of rethought that. I woke up and I thought, “You know, I have so much to say and hopefully so much to offer other people.” I thought, “You know, there are probably so many people going through it, in the middle of it, just like we were. Why don’t I just go ahead and dive in and write and try to comfort those people that were going through it, just like we were?”

Kevin Pho: This is a podcast with a primarily clinician audience. So I’m interested in the events leading up to your first interaction with the health care system. Can you share some of those events, some of those details, and paint us a picture of some of the trials that Natalie was going through that led you to your first interaction with the health care system?

Christine Naman: Like I said, we found out that she was an addict, and I guess we really didn’t have a lot of it. We had, I mean, we had interactions because she was in several outpatient rehabs. She was in several inpatient rehabs. She was in the emergency room for overdoses. She was in the emergency room for abscesses. She was in the emergency room for self-harm issues. So unfortunately, for not great reasons, we had a lot of interactions with clinicians.

And I always feel like I want to point this out. It’s been a long journey, but I don’t think that we have, I can honestly say this, I don’t think we’ve never, ever met anybody throughout our journey who really wasn’t there for the right reasons, who wasn’t, whether they be doctors, nurses, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, you know, MDs, DOs. Everybody was there for exactly the right reasons, and we always felt that embrace from them.

Kevin Pho: Now, tell me a little about Natalie’s medical team. Can you tell us about the various clinicians and nurses and social workers and case managers that were working with her?

Christine Naman: Yeah, I mean, she had, I mean, like I said, she had all of them. And, you know, you need a team. You definitely need a team, because there are so many parts to it. We have been everywhere for help. We’ve been everywhere. We’ve had the hands-on care of nurses and addiction specialists, and then we’ve had the mental health care, and, you know, we’ve had everybody.

Kevin Pho: Through all those interactions with our health care system, what would you say are some of the biggest challenges, speaking as a parent, and of course on behalf of Natalie?

Christine Naman: It’s very challenging for all of those helpers to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Natalie, nicely, is gratefully, thankfully, blessedly doing pretty well right now. She has been clean for almost two years, but it wasn’t until she really wanted it herself that we were able to take advantage of all of those resources and all of those people and all that help that was out there for her.

But I think part of what got her to the point of wanting to help herself was, first, all of those people wanting it for her when she didn’t know to want it for herself. So the support of all those people led her to the right place, even though all those people were probably there ahead of her.

Kevin Pho: Now, is there anything that you think that the health care system could have done better or differently throughout Natalie’s journey?

Christine Naman: The only thing that I think, sometimes, you know, it takes a lot of patience. It takes time. And I think that sometimes there’s a little bit of an urgency and a rush to get through those steps. I think we had our most success when there was that extra little bit of time given, maybe like an extra day or two in the hospital, an extra day or two. I mean, because sometimes, you know, the time frame doesn’t work for everybody. But I think just the time and the patience is key.

Kevin Pho: Now, speaking from the standpoint of a parent, I’m sure there are so, so many difficults, not even a word for it, like so many challenges when experiencing a situation like this. So speaking as a parent, can you share some stories and really illustrate to my audience some of the challenges that you face during this difficult journey?

Christine Naman: Well, I mean, as a parent, it’s, as you said, I mean, it’s nice of you to understand. It’s a monster of a problem. And, you know, you go everywhere from, “Oh, well,” you know, I mean, there’s the embarrassment, the shame, the isolation. There’s all of that. You go into, at least I did, you go into that denial: “Oh, not us.” You know, we know that this happens to other people. This happens in other areas. That was a very, you know, a very big challenge.

But as a mom, you come to terms with, you know, that it is us. And, you know, I think that we really struggled with the idea of getting help at first, because we thought, “We’ll just handle this very quietly on our own, and, you know, we don’t, we’re not bad enough to need all those people.” And then you find out that you can’t do it alone, and that’s how we ended up, you know, finally getting the help that Natalie needed.

Kevin Pho: At what point did you realize you guys couldn’t do it alone and you needed a team, you needed help? Was there a singular event that led to that decision?

Christine Naman: Well, probably, I mean, probably a series of small events, but I have to say that, you know, the first time she overdosed in our home, in her bedroom, you realize that this is bigger than you. And we had a little bit, this could probably sound a little strange to say, but we had a little bit of an obstacle. My husband is a physician. Natalie’s dad is a physician. And I think we very wrongly felt like, “You know, we can do this. We can do this, and he can help extra.” But when it comes right down to it, you know, he’s the dad and I’m the mom, no matter what his profession is. But probably the biggest moment was when she was overdosed in her room and unresponsive, and then, you know, you’re just like, “OK, this is too big for just us.”

Kevin Pho: You did mention that Natalie’s father was a physician. So did that change the dynamic of the situation during that journey at all?

Christine Naman: I think we got the care that everybody gets. I mean, I think we got the care that everybody gets, and no, probably not.

Kevin Pho: And I guess from your standpoint, what kind of support did you have, what type of guidance, what kind of information was given to you in order to help Natalie during her journey? Because I’m sure this isn’t something that a lot of parents just know how to do. So speak to the support and guidance that you got going through this journey.

Christine Naman: Well, I had a lot. I had a lot of support. I mean, like I said, I haven’t met anybody throughout our journey that I don’t feel was in there for the right reasons. They were as equally supportive to Natalie as they were supportive to us.

I fell short on educating myself. I was not the most educated mom. I wasn’t an educated mom at all. I didn’t educate myself as to, you know, the signs, the warnings, that kind of stuff. And the people that surrounded us helped educate me as to what I was looking for and what I could do to help, because, I mean, I’m a mom, which, you know, makes me an enabler, you know, as I start off. But they educated me into how maybe I could change some of my behaviors to help Natalie. And like I said, they were so supportive to me, and they pointed out that self-care for me was vital in order to help her.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Christine Naman. She is the author of the book About Natalie: A Daughter’s Addiction, a Mother’s Love, Finding Their Way Back to Each Other. Christine, for those other families who unfortunately may be going through a similar situation, what kind of advice can you share with these families?

Christine Naman: Educate yourself. I mean, I did not know what I was, I mean, I came across the paraphernalia. I came across, you know, some of the drugs. I came across things, and just, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was looking at. So, I mean, if you’re not, if you just don’t want to go to a class or a group or whatever, you know, even if you don’t feel that this is touching your life, I would, you know, do a Google search. Look, and, you know, set eyes on some of the things that you’re looking for. Just read a little bit about maybe, you know, their behaviors. I would do that.

And then, as basic as it sounds, it’s wearing, and it’s wearing on the entire family, especially the parents and the siblings. And I would say don’t hesitate to take care of you a little bit, because you have to be well in order to take care of them, because, you know, they’re not well.

Kevin Pho: And what would you say are some of the major themes that you want my audience to come away with when reading your book?

Christine Naman: Well, I mean, I wrote the book for just a couple reasons. One is that, I don’t want, I want people to know that they’re not alone. That was an overwhelming feeling of isolation for us, and the shame, the guilt, “You know, we’re alone in this.” And I wanted other parents to know, other families to know, “You know, you’re not alone.” I mean, it’d be better if we, I was alone. I mean, you know, but you have so much, unfortunately, you have so much company.

I wanted to write about Natalie because, like I said, as I started off, she’s amazing. She’s beautiful. She’s brilliant. She’s just, you know, a great person, and I wanted people to see that. I mean, addicts really are, they’re not other people’s children. They’re sons, daughters, grandchildren, nieces, nephews. They’re little girls next door. They’re the little boy you see at church. They are not monsters. They are just unwell.

Kevin Pho: And perhaps, can you share a story about Natalie that my audience can remember her by?

Christine Naman: Just that she’s the good person that she is, and she is now trying to embrace others that have suffered from addiction. She’s in there trying to help, she’s in there trying to help, on her own. And I think that’s a great thing to be proud of.

Kevin Pho: And my final question: What’s your take-home message that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience?

Christine Naman: If you’re a clinician, if you’re in the health care profession, thank you. Thank you, thank you, because you’ve helped us. And even when you think that you’re not helping, you are helping, because there are so many times that your kindness, your words, that extra little touch on the shoulder, maybe it’s not acknowledged at the time because you’re so overwhelmed with, you know, the patient, and the patient’s family is so overwhelmed with the experience. But when you go home and you reflect, you remember those things. You remember that extra word of kindness. You remember that extra minute in the room, that extra word of support. It’s not falling on deaf ears, and your beautiful touches are being felt. So thank you.

Kevin Pho: Christine, thank you so much for sharing your and Natalie’s story, and thanks again for your time.

Christine Naman: Thanks for having me.

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