My Klonopin withdrawal story [PODCAST]

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“Our relationship with Big Pharma is a dangerous, nasty, and abusive one, and it can prove to be fatal too. Benzos aren’t limited to a specific class, race, gender, creed, etc. Many stars have died from mixing benzodiazepines with opioids or illegal drugs.

It has been a little over a year that I have been off of Klonopin, and I’m happy to report that most of my withdrawal symptoms are gone. I handle stress better now, and I feel emotions more deeply and genuinely. Please be patient with the process and with yourself. It gets better, I promise.”

Bethany Silverman is a writer.

She shares her story and discusses her KevinMD article, “My Klonopin withdrawal story.”

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Hosted by Kevin Pho, MD, The Podcast by KevinMD shares the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from.

Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show, where we share the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from. My name is Kevin Pho, founder and editor of KevinMD. Today on the show, we have Bethany Silverman. She is a writer, and she wrote the KevinMD article “My Klonopin withdrawal story.”

Bethany Silverman: Hi, thanks for having me. It’s a pleasure.

Kevin Pho: So we’ll get into your article in a little bit, but first off, can you share your story and your journey to where you are today?

Bethany Silverman: I was always labeled a nervous person, even by the doctor who delivered me. And then on September 11, 2001, I was going through an exceptionally stressful time. I had a demanding boss with unrealistic expectations. My dad had been repeatedly unfaithful to my mom, and he was extra suicidal during this time, when she was out of state taking a breather from him. The building I worked in at the time had gotten an anonymous tip that we were a possible target for the terrorist attacks. And rightfully so, my mom was worried for me. I told my psychiatrist at the time all of this, and he put me on Klonopin, and every one of my psychiatrists continued to do this for about 20 years.

Kevin Pho: If you don’t mind me asking, what dose of Klonopin did your psychiatrist put you on?

Bethany Silverman: From what I remember, well, I’m going to take my most recent dose. I was on a higher dose originally, but the one that sticks out to me right now is 0.5. So I’m thinking it was 0.5 in the morning and the evening. And then I gradually got weaned down to 0.5 in the evening. I’m pretty sure it was more at one time, but unfortunately, I don’t remember what it was.

Kevin Pho: And you were on Klonopin for 20 years until you met your current psychiatrist. Tell me what happened next and what your psychiatrist thought about your use of Klonopin.

Bethany Silverman: OK. She was horrified that it was for long-term use this whole time, and she said, “You know, the laws in Maryland have changed, and not only are you not supposed to be on this long term, but they don’t like to prescribe this to patients anymore.” And she advised me to get off on a self-directed, pretty quick taper. And, yeah, I did that, and, well, it was brutal. It was brutal. It was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through, easily.

Kevin Pho: And exactly what were the directions of the taper?

Bethany Silverman: The taper was to basically finish what was in that last bottle in a self-directed taper for a little bit less than a month, and then that was it. No more.

Kevin Pho: And by self-directed taper, what exactly does that mean?

Bethany Silverman: So that means that, let’s say, I don’t want to do it too fast, but I still want it to be reasonable, but I’m not given many options. I’ll start with, probably, every day. I was thinking I was doing it every day. You cut it in half, right? And then every other day, it’s cut a little bit more. And you try to do this for about a month until there’s none left.

Kevin Pho: And during that month that you were on a self-directed taper, describe some of the experiences that you were going through.

Bethany Silverman: Oh, well, it was horrible. I was very, very anxious. All of my anxiety that I had been put on the drug to make better came back, and it came back strong. It was rough. You get very jittery. It’s almost impossible to sit still. It’s this very, very, almost unbearable restlessness. You really feel like you’re crawling out of your skin.

Kevin Pho: And how long do these symptoms last?

Bethany Silverman: These symptoms, because Klonopin has such a long half-life, longer than a lot of other drugs out there, even heroin, take forever. They say it can even take longer than a year, and I’m sure that’s possible if you’re on it for as long as I was.

Kevin Pho: And in your case, how long did it take before those withdrawal symptoms dissipated?

Bethany Silverman: It took about a year. The initial withdrawal, like I said, was one of the worst things I had ever experienced. And it got worse before it got better. You really have to keep the faith and stay very confident, and kind of do a lot of supportive self-talk to yourself: Look, you’re better off of this. And your worst off of this is still better than having gotten so sick on it when it stopped being effective and those awful rebound symptoms occurred.

Kevin Pho: And during this year where you were having these symptoms from withdrawing from Klonopin, what kind of support did you have from your psychiatrist or your primary care clinician?

Bethany Silverman: None, none. Mainly me, my research, and my boyfriend. My current psychiatrist does not understand the gravity of this whatsoever. And when I needed to see my doctor for something else, my primary care doctor, and I wanted to bring this up with her too, she was not available. I don’t know if it’s due to COVID, but she was incredibly unresponsive. So I kind of felt alone during this.

Kevin Pho: As you can imagine, we have a lot of patients who go through similar situations in terms of tapering off long-term benzodiazepines. Now, what kind of messages can you share with the medical profession to help improve these situations? And what are some of the things that you’ve learned that you could share with physicians like myself who are talking to patients in similar situations?

Bethany Silverman: I would say, in order to untangle the jumbled knot of the overwhelming feelings you’re dealing with, just write. I wrote and wrote and wrote to untangle that knot, and I know this sounds hokey, but writing really helped: kind of just banging out what I felt and getting those feelings out into pages and pages, as well as doing research.

There are some great sites out there. There’s Christy Huff, who I think you interviewed too, and there’s another one who, I think, is a PsyD. She mentors people who are going through these awful feelings, because she was on it for long-term use too. So it was good in my research to really realize that I wasn’t the only person out there who was suffering from these exact same feelings, if not similar ones, and that it does get better.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Bethany Silverman. She is a writer, and she wrote the KevinMD article “My Klonopin withdrawal story.” Now, for those other patients who are weaning off long-term benzodiazepines, you mentioned writing as an outlet to help during that process. What are some other pieces of advice that you could share with these patients who are undergoing something similar?

Bethany Silverman: No matter how overwhelmed you’re feeling, I think it’s good to feel these things, because you’re feeling genuinely in a way that you hadn’t done when you were on long-term use. There were so many things I was missing out on in life, because Klonopin dulls all of those good feelings, all of those normal feelings that you’re supposed to have.

And when you’re on it long term, it can get you so sick: frequent colds, from getting superficial, non-REM sleep. Your anxiety can get worse, you can throw up a lot from it, your judgment gets clouded, you make some of the worst decisions, and you can have some of the most frequent and debilitating migraines.

What I like about getting off of this is it really made me realize, again, how passionate I am about life, and things that I used to enjoy, that I took back up again, and that I enjoy now again. And it taught me to welcome every day, and that every day is a gift instead of something that should be dreaded.

Kevin Pho: You mentioned that Klonopin dulled things that you used to enjoy. Can you share a story where you felt that you couldn’t enjoy an event or an experience because you were on Klonopin?

Bethany Silverman: When you’re on it for long-term use, you kind of just stumble through life, half asleep. That’s no way to go through life. You’re just going through kind of half medicated, in this stupor. You’re not aware of everything completely or fully, because it’s a sedative. You’re being sedated throughout all of this.

Kevin Pho: If you were to go through this experience again, is there anything that you would have done differently?

Bethany Silverman: Yes. Don’t put patients on it long term. There are better coping mechanisms for anxiety that get to the root of the issue more effectively, such as antidepressants, natural supplements, cognitive behavioral techniques, meditation, and eating right. I would also urge the physician community to stop writing prescriptions of this for patient after patient. It’s one of the most overprescribed, dangerous, and fatal drugs.

And I would urge psychiatrists especially to listen to their patients and to understand the psychological, physical, and physiological effects of this drug and how addictive it can be. And it would be great if they preferably had firsthand knowledge, firsthand experience of this, to be more knowledgeable, understanding, helpful, and much more realistic in tapering long-term users, so the process won’t be so unpleasant.

Kevin Pho: And my final question: What’s your take-home message that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience?

Bethany Silverman: The withdrawal process does take time, but it does get better. Meantime, you just have to be patient with yourself. Your worst day off of it is better than your worst day on it, I promise.

Kevin Pho: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for being on the show.

Bethany Silverman: Thanks.

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