Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Trauma in an interview: a not-so-perfect personal statement

Anonymous
Education
February 19, 2023
1 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

I have to write a “perfect medical school personal statement.” I have to write about learning and growth. I want to show empathy and grit. Most of all, I must resonate with the medical school admissions committee reading my story.

The overwhelming consensus around Student Doctor Network, the forum of terrible but successful premeds, is: don’t make waves. Adcoms can be radical feminists or religious fundamentalists, born from wealth or recently sued out of their life’s savings, pro-life, gender skeptics, creationists, WASP or second-generation Asian-Americans or Sikhs, or anything under the rainbow. Theoretically, any topic would be allowed until I turn on the TV, flip through different news channels, and let the outrage pour in. I do not want my life’s traumas in the wrong hands, but this could happen.

These thoughts were a pressure-like sensation around my temples on the day of my interview. This is the most competitive organization on campus, largely because of the massive premed population at my college, so I was happy to get an interview. Even if that interview was on an upper floor of an empty medical building under renovation, the lengths of the entire hallways were covered by massive white tarps from the floor to the ceiling. I ducked through several tarps to find the elevator and followed an eerily quiet hallway, passing by many empty waiting rooms and almost missing the room. After thousands of steps in my heels, I could feel wounds forming at the back of both feet. I gingerly peeked at my feet. Ooh, they are bleeding. I tucked my feet back in and smoothed my pencil skirt. I was ready when they called my name.

A short Middle Eastern girl with long, curly black hair led me through the door. Upon entry, I was immediately struck by the dim, flickering overhead light casting an orange glow over the room. The girl sat down next to a tall Asian guy behind an average teacher’s desk that nearly filled the entire room. I sat before them and introduced myself, shaking both of their hands with a business smile. I handed them the required paperwork. The lights were flickering at an unpredictable cadence.

“Tell us about yourself,” the girl prompted me with a smile. Yes, ma’am. I am a junior biochemistry major. I commute from home, where mom cares for my grandfather with Parkinson’s, and my sibling and I help. He is not on hospice care yet. I am a certified nurse assistant and will be there for him when he is.

My interviewers took turns. The tall Asian guy asked me about my motivations to be in the prospective school. I discussed my interest in emergency medicine and my admiration for the emergency department. I first encountered it as a caregiver to a psychiatric patient and returned as a volunteer. It was part of my healing process, but I loved the department and took every opportunity to bleach every waiting room seat to maintain my excuse to be there. The guy interviewing me nodded with encouragement. I thought things were going well.

I was not prepared for the next question. The girl asked, “What is the hardest experience you’ve ever had?” I blinked. Are they allowed to ask me that? In my head, I raced through my most painful memories. I hesitated for a split second when I knew. These people were my age and probably liberal, but I hadn’t told many people, let alone know many people who would respond well. But one thing I knew was that as someone who had survived this, I could not lie about it. Part of me still felt shame, I was still having some difficulty sleeping, and loud sounds still made me skip a heartbeat, but most of me knew that my worst experiences were the only ways to explain the sense of strength I feel today.

“It would be when my XXX developed schizophrenia. He had no one, but it was alarming to watch as he would not allow anyone else to convince him to get help. I took it upon myself to keep an eye on him and help him get through the trial-and-error of finding the right meds. He went into psychosis one time and messed me up pretty badly. He raped me. My IUD became partially expelled through my cervix, and I could not stand straight and walk for a few hours. It had to be removed.

He was psych, so it wasn’t all his fault. But enough was enough. I made sure he had the psychiatric help he needed and walked away. But that was definitely an experience that taught me about my tolerance and ability to survive and flourish despite things I did not ask for and cannot control. I did not drop out when I cared for him or after everything. I’m here now, applying to your school.”

I saw their smiles fall as I sat in the flickering semi-darkness and told them the painful truth of my college life. The girl was gripping her wrist with her other hand, and I could see the Asian guy was at a loss for words. Abuse is an uncomfortable subject in general, let alone in an interview. It opens up many questions from the reader to the narrator. Some of these questions might feel insulting to ask, but they need to be asked so they can be addressed, and my interviewers would not have the time or nerve to ask. Because clarity was not sought, things remained awkward. Did they think I might be too unstable for emergency medicine? Did they think I needed therapy instead of a job? Did they believe me when I asserted my strength as a survivor? Did they blame me for getting in bed with crazy?

Awkwardness is all it takes. Maybe just a smidgeon of stigma. Needless to say, I did not get a second interview. The interrogation left me thinking about acceptable types of trauma for a while afterward. But as hard as it is for me to speak out, I am proud of my growth throughout the violence and throughout my recovery. It makes me feel brave and a little wiser to know who I am under immense pressure. I never again applied to the school.

The Student Doctor Network recommends avoiding discussing abuse in the personal statement and discussing a story of grit and empathy. But what is survivorship without grit and empathy? How can one possibly understand human nature without skin-crawling, hair-raising, gut-wrenching brushes with it? When asked about my hardest experience, they hoped I had already constructed a mythology about myself, canned and ready to go. A myth that follows all of the conventions. One that I could give in many different personal statements. But erasing my history is to perpetuate the silence around sexual violence. Avoiding my bravest, worst, and most formative moments in a conversation about empathy and grit is a denial of reality. Medicine is just a bunch of scientists facing the fragility of humanity. If a doctor does not know strength when they see it, they probably also forget to ask the patient for some additional history.

The author is an anonymous medical student.

Prev

The hidden illness: Understanding and overcoming depersonalization-derealization disorder

February 19, 2023 Kevin 0
…
Next

The cost of overpreparing: my experience with the USMLE and what I learned

February 19, 2023 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The hidden illness: Understanding and overcoming depersonalization-derealization disorder
Next Post >
The cost of overpreparing: my experience with the USMLE and what I learned

More by Anonymous

  • Do residents deserve the title of physician?

    Anonymous
  • Breaking down barriers: How technology is improving diabetes management in underserved communities

    Anonymous
  • The patient who became my soulmate

    Anonymous

Related Posts

  • The medical school personal statement struggle

    Sheindel Ifrah
  • Pause before writing your personal statement

    Ryan Karmouta, MD
  • How to develop a mission-driven personal brand

    Paige Velasquez Budde
  • When physicians are cyberbullied: an interview with ZDoggMD

    Monique Tello, MD
  • Getting beyond the numbers in your medical school interview

    Tiffany Ciolek, MBA
  • What this physician learned by helping a medical student write a personal statement

    Bruce Campbell, MD

More in Education

  • The secret to success in medical school: self-awareness and courage

    Kaelor Gordon
  • Is mandating pre-medical training widening disparities in the U.S. physician workforce?

    Deepak Gupta, MD and Sarwan Kumar, MD
  • Equalizing the future of medical residencies: standardizing work hours and wages

    Deepak Gupta, MD and Sarwan Kumar, MD
  • From studying to baby kicks: Navigating motherhood in medical school

    Natalie Eichner-Seitz
  • The power of advocacy: a medical student’s journey to helping an uninsured immigrant

    Fabiola Plaza
  • From AI to love: the key to a better future in medical education

    Stevan Walkowski, DO
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond pizza and pens: National Doctors’ Day should be about saving lives

      James Young, MD | Physician
    • Physicians are a finite resource we need to protect

      Jack Resneck, Jr., MD | Physician
    • From clocking in to clocking out: the transition to retirement

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • It’s time for C-suite to contract directly with physicians for part-time work

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking the cycle of failure in modern medicine

      Kortney West, MD | Physician
    • ChatGPT: the Napster of the AI world?

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The missing piece of physicians’ financial plans

      Daniel B. Wrenne, CFP | Finance
    • Counterfeit drugs: a hidden danger lurking in your medicine cabinet

      Emily Kahoud | Meds
    • How understanding cultural backgrounds can lead to better patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Is Surgery Riskier After a COVID Infection?
  • The Best Medicine for Healthcare Workers: A Living Wage
  • Meat Consumption and UTIs; Air Pollution's Effects on Health
  • 'Early Birds' With Sleep Apnea May Get More CPAP Benefits
  • Mental Health Care Goes Beyond Just the Patient

Meeting Coverage

  • VTE Risk in Recurrent Ovarian Cancer Increases With More Lines of Chemotherapy
  • Obesity's Impact on Uterine Cancer Risk Greater in Younger Age Groups
  • Oral Roflumilast Effective in the Treatment of Plaque Psoriasis
  • Phase III Trials 'Hit a Home Run' in Advanced Endometrial Cancer
  • Cannabis Use Common in Post-Surgery Patients on Opioid Tapering
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond pizza and pens: National Doctors’ Day should be about saving lives

      James Young, MD | Physician
    • Physicians are a finite resource we need to protect

      Jack Resneck, Jr., MD | Physician
    • From clocking in to clocking out: the transition to retirement

      Debbie Moore-Black, RN | Conditions
    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
    • It’s time for C-suite to contract directly with physicians for part-time work

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • The untold struggles patients face with resident doctors

      Denise Reich | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Collaborating with occupational therapists: a game-changer for behavioral health [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Breaking the cycle of failure in modern medicine

      Kortney West, MD | Physician
    • ChatGPT: the Napster of the AI world?

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The missing piece of physicians’ financial plans

      Daniel B. Wrenne, CFP | Finance
    • Counterfeit drugs: a hidden danger lurking in your medicine cabinet

      Emily Kahoud | Meds
    • How understanding cultural backgrounds can lead to better patient care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today iMedicalApps
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Trauma in an interview: a not-so-perfect personal statement
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...