Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A physician’s story of survival: the importance of seeking help

Samantha Benjamin-Allen, DO, MBA
Conditions
January 18, 2023
77 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

“Remember, today you could be standing next to someone trying their best not to fall apart. So whatever you do today, do it with kindness in your heart.” – Unknown

Today, I want to talk personally from the perspective of a Black, female, physician. I have a confession, I struggle with setting boundaries. I did not know how detrimental this challenge was until I started studying it more deeply. Did you know that being unable to set boundaries can put you at risk for suicide? Let me explain…

When we don’t have clear boundaries, we often say yes to things out of a feeling of obligation or our own negative perceptions about what people will think of us. This often leads to anxiety and depression as we become overloaded with too many burdens and stressed out. Eventually, if no intervention is had, we find ourselves in a hole too deep to get out of, and our brain capacity to utilize our own agency gets destroyed in the process.

I think as physicians, we often find ourselves working in environments where our self sacrifice is honored and applauded at our expense in a profound way. Let’s be honest, it is worse when you are a female physician who feels the pressure to prove yourself even heavier, as thoughts that intrude your desire to seek self-care are laden with feelings of guilt or fear of what people will think or say about you.

I recently was engaged in a conversation with a physician (Dr. Michelle Chestovich) who shared that her sister who was a radiologist, mother of 3, and wife to a supportive husband committed suicide. She shared pictures of her sister, which included one picture of her sitting in the radiology reading room pregnant a day before she was induced. Little did anyone know how burnt out she was, while seemingly holding it all together. Those long and stressful work hours, endless call shifts, home responsibilities, and family commitments accumulated into a sea she was trying to tread in for too long until her legs got too tired to tread anymore. Funny thing is, she was the beautiful, sporty, intelligent, nurturing, outgoing one quick to defend those she loved. No one had a clue! Her colleagues all loved her, and after the fact said they would have done anything she needed. The problem was that her ability to defend herself was being diminished slowly. She asked to explore alternatives to the way the call was scheduled, which was met by ignorance. She even expressed guilt over not wanting to take her baby on vacation because the thought of vacation itself was no relief or escape worthy enough of living another day internally dying.

This story touched me in many ways. Here are some things I took from that conversation as I reflected. I remember in residency when I returned from an exhausting trip for a medical conference, then attended a family funeral, got a UTI which was likely from my neglect to hydrate from being so busy that I fell ill with a fever of 104. I went to the ER, and they sent me home with oral antibiotics. I returned to clinical rotations the following week and went to use the bathroom, only to realize that I could not urinate. A feeling of impending doom hit me like a ton of bricks as I began to feel sick to my stomach and broke out into a cold sweat. I sent a quick text to my colleague to come to the bathroom because I felt something was deadly wrong. I fell to the floor. My colleague and my attending came to the bathroom to help me get into an exam room so I could lay down. Within a matter of minutes, I developed explosive diarrhea and had to be brought into the ER with sepsis from pyelonephritis! As we know, sepsis can lead to organ failure and death if the source of infection is not treated.

Only my close friends and family know this because the story is quite embarrassing, but I’ve decided to shed guilt and shame because I now realize that our stories can save someone else, literally.

I remember doing patient notes while being induced for labor, working through the grief of countless losses, and almost not taking a personal retreat from the madness I was experiencing in life because I felt guilty about what I was leaving behind. I remember the day I had an epiphany of how disconnected I had become from myself that I could not even cry when I wanted to. This came from years of ignoring my feelings and needs in favor of others.

I’m here to tell you, self care is not selfish. You must show up full, rather than empty, to give your best. Otherwise, you will be fighting to survive. I sought counseling for myself when the anxiety and fading hope started to rise within me, and it helped me to identify the underlying issues that caused me to make decisions that were not in my own best interest. Sometimes, we cannot see this on our own.

I am here today to encourage you that counseling is not beneath you. Your brain is a complex organ that can have neurochemical imbalances that cause things to go awry, and in some cases require pharmaceutical help to bring this imbalance back in order. If you were having a heart attack, you would have no problem seeking help or taking the medication necessary to ensure blood flow was getting to this vital organ that was going through a crisis. Your brain is worthy of the same respect, and when it is in crisis, intervention is necessary. We must fight the stigma of seeking help for our brains when we don’t stigmatize help for your heart or intervention for a broken leg.

If your mental reserve is running low, speak up! I give you permission to take time away for yourself, schedule an appointment with a therapist, and take prescribed medication if you need it. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your life matters, your story matters, and what you are going through matters. If you feel like it doesn’t seek help!

Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988). You can also contact the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741).

Samantha Benjamin-Allen is a physiatrist.

Prev

A mundane ultrasound? The emotional weight of diagnostic tests.

January 18, 2023 Kevin 0
…
Next

Creating a trauma-informed society: the role of government policy in reducing adverse childhood experiences [PODCAST]

January 18, 2023 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
A mundane ultrasound? The emotional weight of diagnostic tests.
Next Post >
Creating a trauma-informed society: the role of government policy in reducing adverse childhood experiences [PODCAST]

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • The story of how this physician started her blog

    Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD
  • Why everyone needs a six-word story

    Alexie Puran, MD
  • The story of a heart transplant in a 1-year-old, as told by his mother

    Susan May
  • When you’re a physician, you’re a detective

    Lauren Joseph
  • A story of a good death

    Carol Ewig

More in Conditions

  • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

    Ann McColl and James Whitlock, MD
  • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Embracing life’s purpose in the face of inevitable death

    Michael Brant-Zawadzki, MD
  • From ICU to kidney mass: a nurse’s journey of fear

    Debbie Moore-Black, RN
  • Intravenous immunoglobulin for gastroparesis: What happened to me

    Maria Jay
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • 3 key things to do before year end to reduce taxes

      Amarish Dave, DO | Finance
    • Tips for success as a plastic surgeon [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physicians turn feelings of frustration and powerlessness into purpose and hope

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • When medical protocol meets family concerns

      Richard Young, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Tips for success as a plastic surgeon [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why write? Physicians share their stories of healing through writing.

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      Ann McColl and James Whitlock, MD | Conditions
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Less-Frequent Surveillance Mammo Feasible in Older Breast Cancer Survivors
  • AI and Breast Cancer Screening; Cancer After Treatment for Sickle Cell
  • Yes, Conversion Therapy Efforts Still Exist in Medical Practice
  • Bilateral Mastectomy Not Tied to Better Survival in BRCA1-Positive Breast Cancer
  • FDA Inspections of Foreign Drug Manufacturers Haven't Bounced Back After Pandemic

Meeting Coverage

  • Less-Frequent Surveillance Mammo Feasible in Older Breast Cancer Survivors
  • Bilateral Mastectomy Not Tied to Better Survival in BRCA1-Positive Breast Cancer
  • Is Omitting Radiation Therapy in Low-Risk Breast Cancer a Good IDEA?
  • Study Supports ADC as a New Option for Endocrine-Resistant Metastatic Breast Cancer
  • Maintenance Pembrolizumab-Olaparib Fails to Boost Survival in TNBC
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • 3 key things to do before year end to reduce taxes

      Amarish Dave, DO | Finance
    • Tips for success as a plastic surgeon [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Physicians turn feelings of frustration and powerlessness into purpose and hope

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • When medical protocol meets family concerns

      Richard Young, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Tips for success as a plastic surgeon [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why write? Physicians share their stories of healing through writing.

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      Ann McColl and James Whitlock, MD | Conditions
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...