Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A physician in denial after being diagnosed with COVID-19

Alen Voskanian, MD
Conditions
December 11, 2022
20 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

Over the last three years, we have faced the original COVID-19, followed by Omicron, Delta, and monkeypox.

It is apropos that on the third anniversary of COVID-19, we are facing the tripledemic of COVID, influenza, and RSV.

After almost three years of not getting COVID-19, I started believing that my childhood fantasies about me being superman were true and that my immune system was superpowered with bullet-proof antibodies that would keep me safe.

Wrong!

Over the weekend, I was diagnosed with COVID-19.

First, I was in denial. “It’s just a cold,” I said. My husband insisted on me getting tested. I kept refusing. Finally, he inserted the testing swabs into my nostrils when I was too tired to resist. The test immediately turned positive – unlike the pregnancy tests from years ago when we were going through IVF.

Then, I was angry. “How can this be?” “This is the worst timing!” “I have to fly to Atlanta tomorrow.” “Who gave this to me?”

That is when the bargaining kicked in. “What or whom could I have avoided?” I started thinking about all my interactions. Like a game of Clue, I started ruling in and ruling out possible suspects who could have been guilty of infecting me. I reviewed all my in-person interactions. I jotted down the names of people who had runny noses or had coughed in my presence. I eliminated most of the people on my list except for one.

  • Who did it? The taxi driver.
  • What was the weapon used? COVID-19.
  • Where did they do it? Inside the taxicab.

On a recent taxi ride, I heard the driver cough as soon as I approached the taxi. For a brief second, I considered asking for another cab, but then I felt guilty about hurting his feelings, so I entered his car.

I kept my mask on. He did not.

He kept coughing during the 30-minute ride. Every time he coughed, I held my breath, almost to the point of suffocation.

The truth is that I don’t know how I got COVID-19, but like many others who had COVID-19, trying to guess how you got it is a mental coping mechanism that somehow gives you a level of control.

After bargaining, I started feeling guilty about the possibility of exposing my family to COVID-19. I insisted on getting a hotel room but finally decided to isolate myself in one bedroom of our house.

What is troubling to me is that I avoided seeking medical care despite being a physician. I didn’t want to send an email to my PCP because I know how challenging it is for PCPs to receive hundreds of messages from their large panel of patients. I also did not want to ask my physician friends for advice because I am not a big fan of “curbside consult.”

My only worry was getting better so I could go back to work. I was concerned about all my patients that would need to be rescheduled. I was worried about all the emails and in-basket messages I could not respond to promptly.

Finally, when a physician colleague called to check on me, he made me promise to reach out to another physician colleague for an official consultation. He noticed my shortness of breath and asked me to make the call immediately. It was 8 p.m. I thought it was too late to bother another physician, so I promised to make the call the following day. I am happy that I finally gave in.

I realize now that I was refusing to be a patient. Like many other physicians, it is tough to accept that sometimes I also need medical care. It is hard for many of us to prioritize our wellness. Even worse, when seeking care for mental health, we also face stigma and shame.

My career and my patients are essential to me. However, this week I was humbled and learned a lesson.

I need to focus on my wellness first.

For now, I plan to avoid taxis. What do you recommend, Uber or Lyft?

Alen Voskanian is a palliative care physician.

Prev

Perfectionism will kill you

December 11, 2022 Kevin 0
…
Next

Communication protocols exist for a reason

December 11, 2022 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: COVID, Infectious Disease

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Perfectionism will kill you
Next Post >
Communication protocols exist for a reason

Related Posts

  • How to get patients vaccinated against COVID-19 [PODCAST]

    The Podcast by KevinMD
  • COVID-19 divides and conquers

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • State sanctioned executions in the age of COVID-19

    Kasey Johnson, DO
  • A patient’s COVID-19 reflections

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Starting medical school in the midst of COVID-19

    Horacio Romero Castillo
  • COVID-19 shows why we need health insurance

    Jingyi Liu, MD

More in Conditions

  • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

    James Whitlock, MD and Ann McColl
  • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Embracing life’s purpose in the face of inevitable death

    Michael Brant-Zawadzki, MD
  • From ICU to kidney mass: a nurse’s journey of fear

    Debbie Moore-Black, RN
  • Intravenous immunoglobulin for gastroparesis: What happened to me

    Maria Jay
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • Decoding AI hallucinations in health care: Embracing a new era of medical innovation

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      James Whitlock, MD and Ann McColl | Conditions
    • How generative AI will upend the doctor-patient relationship

      Robert Pearl, MD | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • What we have to gain from weight loss drugs

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      James Whitlock, MD and Ann McColl | Conditions
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions
    • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Breaking free from metric shaming [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • FDA Inspections of Foreign Drug Manufacturers Haven't Bounced Back After Pandemic
  • Is Omitting Radiation Therapy in Low-Risk Breast Cancer a Good IDEA?
  • Kidney Disease in Pregnancy Often Overlooked for Care
  • Got Raw Milk?
  • ChatGPT Takes on the Neuro Boards

Meeting Coverage

  • Is Omitting Radiation Therapy in Low-Risk Breast Cancer a Good IDEA?
  • Study Supports ADC as a New Option for Endocrine-Resistant Metastatic Breast Cancer
  • Maintenance Pembrolizumab-Olaparib Fails to Boost Survival in TNBC
  • Mobile Unit Preferred for Buprenorphine Access
  • Study 'Underscores' Value of Early Fertility Counseling for Breast Cancer Patients
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • The dark role of science, medicine, and tasers

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Physician
    • From fishing licenses to gun control

      Mitch Bruss, MD | Policy
    • Decoding AI hallucinations in health care: Embracing a new era of medical innovation

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      James Whitlock, MD and Ann McColl | Conditions
    • How generative AI will upend the doctor-patient relationship

      Robert Pearl, MD | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medicare coverage saves lives. Enrolling shouldn’t be this complicated.

      Catherine L. Chen, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Emergency department burnout: a cry for change

      Anonymous | Conditions
    • The erosion of compassion in medicine

      Daniel Luger, MD | Education
    • Health care’s hidden problem: hospital primary care losses

      Christopher Habig, MBA | Policy
    • Pain medicine realities: beyond the opioid crisis

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD and Stephen E. Nadeau, MD | Conditions
    • What we have to gain from weight loss drugs

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • A complex patient interviews a retired physician

      James Whitlock, MD and Ann McColl | Conditions
    • Navigating life’s crossroads: Change, accept, or leave [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • A doctor struggles to provide mental health care in Appalachia

      Ryan McCarthy, MD | Physician
    • Burnout on the U.S.S. Enterprise

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Conditions
    • The toll of health care: suicide risk among professionals

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Breaking free from metric shaming [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...