Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Until next year, breast care center

Courtney Markham-Abedi, MD
Conditions
November 16, 2021
216 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

I enter the breast care center, check in, and take a seat. Though there are few people in the room; there is a sense of dread and trepidation that hangs in the air. It feels almost like a sacred space as I am acutely aware of all the prayers, meditations, and laments that have been spoken in this room whether aloud or silently. I can imagine behests to God, Jesus, Allah, Adonis, and more, some likely in languages I cannot speak yet somehow understand. Woven of angst, sorrow, and trepidation: I imagine them asking for more time, good news.

My name is called and I complete the mammogram: This is year two post-diagnosis.

In the weeks prior to these appointments, I find myself thankful for business at work and home leaving less time to catastrophize about potential results.  I consider myself lucky: DCIS stage zero. Though I am aware of the excellent prognosis the arrival of these exams finds me enveloped in unfettered fear at least for a period of time.

After the exam, I am escorted to a smaller room to await the results. The tiny room creates an almost claustrophobic feeling — though it isn’t the walls that appear to be closing in — more my own mind.  Anxiety reaches a fever pitch in these little rooms oft reserved for the telling of unwelcome news. I steady myself for what may come, both in the next few minutes, days, months, even years.

Superstition and pessimism do not allow me to expect good news. Rather I begin to grapple with the unknowns. I spit out my prayers in this tiny room each year and I imagine them adding to the cacophony of those before and after me. In this room, there is a more frenetic tone or at least it feels that way.  The last two visits my prayers have been answered but I always wonder about others who have shared this space.

I know I will be back the next year and the news may be different but I know that I cannot allow my mind to remain here in this space. So as I walk out I remember to feel the sun on my skin and shed some of the weight the weeks of anticipation have added. Until next year, breast care center.

Courtney Markham-Abedi is a psychiatrist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

New possibilities for pain management: the case for spinal cord stimulation

November 16, 2021 Kevin 2
…
Next

Black female physicians and the bias against them [PODCAST]

November 16, 2021 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Oncology/Hematology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
New possibilities for pain management: the case for spinal cord stimulation
Next Post >
Black female physicians and the bias against them [PODCAST]

More by Courtney Markham-Abedi, MD

  • Postpartum depression or psychosis: Understanding the reality behind Lindsay Clancy’s story

    Courtney Markham-Abedi, MD
  • Remembering Twitch: a star who shone bright

    Courtney Markham-Abedi, MD
  • It’s time for evidence-based change to reduce gun violence

    Courtney Markham-Abedi, MD

Related Posts

  • Prior authorization reform for health care coverage takes center stage

    Afua Aning, MD
  • How social media can help or hurt your health care career

    Health eCareers
  • Why health care replaced physician care

    Michael Weiss, MD
  • Turn physicians into powerful health care influencers

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Care is no longer personal. Care is political.

    Eva Kittay, PhD
  • Primary Care First: CMS develops a value-based primary care program for independent practices

    Robert Colton, MD

More in Conditions

  • Urgent innovation needed to address growing mental health crisis among children and families

    Monika Roots, MD
  • The importance of listening in health care: a mother’s journey advocating for children with chronic Lyme disease

    Cheryl Lazarus
  • The unjust reality of racial disparities in pediatric kidney transplants

    Lien Morcate
  • The surprising medical mystery of a “good” Hitler: How a rescued kitten revealed a rare movement disorder

    Teresella Gondolo, MD
  • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

    Kim Downey, PT
  • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

    Althea Halchuck, EJD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Healing trauma and reconnecting: Unmasking the impact of dissociation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why the WHO’s pandemic accord is critical for global health care

      Elizabeth Métraux | Policy
    • The revolutionary Kaiser-Geisinger deal: How health care giants are reshaping the industry and empowering patients

      Robert Pearl, MD | Policy
    • The escalating violence in health care workplaces: a critical problem facing the nation’s health care system

      Harry Severance, MD | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • A pediatrician’s journey into integrative medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Could Semaglutide Help Curb Addictive Behaviors?
  • 'If the Narcan Isn't Working, Give More' and Other Myths About Naloxone Use
  • CDC: Children's Brain Infections Rose Last Winter, But Remained Rare
  • Inside the Fight Against Burnout Amid the Chaos of War in Ukraine
  • Cardiovascular Risk Models Still Fall Short for Arthritis Patients

Meeting Coverage

  • Cardiovascular Risk Models Still Fall Short for Arthritis Patients
  • De-Escalated Surgery Suffices for Low-Risk Cervical Cancer
  • More Evidence Backs Gout Benefit for Gliflozin Agents
  • Reaction to FDA's Approval of Upadacitinib for Crohn's Disease
  • CDK4/6 Extends Reach Into Early-Stage Breast Cancer
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Healing trauma and reconnecting: Unmasking the impact of dissociation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why the WHO’s pandemic accord is critical for global health care

      Elizabeth Métraux | Policy
    • The revolutionary Kaiser-Geisinger deal: How health care giants are reshaping the industry and empowering patients

      Robert Pearl, MD | Policy
    • The escalating violence in health care workplaces: a critical problem facing the nation’s health care system

      Harry Severance, MD | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • A pediatrician’s journey into integrative medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...