Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Infertility: Where uncertainty is the only thing that is certain

Kate Hoppock, DO
Conditions
October 6, 2020
81 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

Physicians love to feel in control. We thrive in environments where we feel we can predict the outcome.

Do well in medical school and on boards—you will get into a residency.

Take the statin—it will improve your cholesterol.

Do the screening colonoscopy—it will improve your chances of catching cancer early.

I think most of us can agree we would give these recommendations. But certainty, the foundation of predictability, is not a given.  We know the chances of good outcomes are likely, but not 100 percent.

This is why we discuss risks and benefits with our patients.

As physicians, we are able to take a step back and help guide our patients through their uncertain times.  We can comfort them with statistics, experience, and expert opinions; while at the same time acknowledging that we cannot guarantee every result.

How did I forget that when I started my infertility journey?

How did I forget that uncertainty is part of the package?

How did I forget that I cannot control the outcome?

How easy it is to forget, when you become the patient.

I was anxious and overwhelmed.  And I didn’t have the control I had become accustomed to.

I had successfully predicted and achieved most of my life goals: College degree, medical school and board certification, marriage, a good job at a good hospital.

What I could never have predicted was how difficult it would be to get pregnant.

I couldn’t guarantee that I would ever have a biological child.

I couldn’t control how I would respond to medications that were recommended.

I couldn’t predict how I would become a mother: Give birth? Have a surrogate? Adopt?

I was desperate, to restore a sense of predictability, some sense—any sense—of control over the things that promised help.

Researching every diagnostic test, medication, procedure. Surely there was something I missed.

Arranging additional consultations. There had to be a doctor or clinic with answers.

Changing my diet and exercise routine. Maybe that would improve my fertility.

But the more I tried to control, the more I actually felt out of control.

I was searching for something that didn’t exist—a guarantee of a certain outcome.

I was arguing with a reality that I couldn’t change.

Lightbulb: I didn’t have control.

Using my mental energy to try to exercise control was exhausting.

I finally saw clearly that once I stopped trying to control everything, I was able to open space in my mind for so much more.  I could focus on thoughts that re-energized me. I could choose how to feel as each obstacle approached.

Old thought: If I research the data, get five consultations, eat the “fertility” diet—I will get pregnant.  What an immense amount of pressure.

New thought:  I trust myself to make the best decisions with the information I have.  I don’t need to know the how, I just need to know that I have the strength to get there.

The freedom this created in my mind was transformative.

What I’ve learned: I may not have control over how I become a mom.

But I do have control over my mind, which will help me get there.

You have control over the quality of life you’re living moment to moment.

If there is any certainty to be found on this journey, it will be found inside yourself.

Kate Hoppock is an internal medicine physician.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Patient advocacy is more important now than ever [PODCAST]

October 5, 2020 Kevin 1
…
Next

The science of compassion

October 6, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: OB/GYN

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Patient advocacy is more important now than ever [PODCAST]
Next Post >
The science of compassion

More by Kate Hoppock, DO

  • Normalizing infertility conversations in the workplace

    Kate Hoppock, DO
  • Infertility as a physician: the gift of perspective

    Kate Hoppock, DO

Related Posts

  • Communicating honestly with patients about uncertainty

    Kunal Shetty
  • The hidden costs of fully covered infertility treatment 

    Stephanie E. Moss
  • In the face of uncertainty, choose hope over fear

    Shreya Kumar
  • Hormone replacement therapy is still linked to cancer

    Martha Rosenberg
  • Qualifying conditions for medical marijuana

    Patricia Frye
  • Settlements in the opioid cases need these non-negotiable conditions

    Rosanne Aulino, RN

More in Conditions

  • Proposed USPSTF guideline update: Advocating for earlier breast cancer screening at age 40

    Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian
  • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

    Alice S. Y. Lee, MD
  • Urgent innovation needed to address growing mental health crisis among children and families

    Monika Roots, MD
  • The importance of listening in health care: a mother’s journey advocating for children with chronic Lyme disease

    Cheryl Lazarus
  • The unjust reality of racial disparities in pediatric kidney transplants

    Lien Morcate
  • The surprising medical mystery of a “good” Hitler: How a rescued kitten revealed a rare movement disorder

    Teresella Gondolo, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Empowering Black nurses for lasting change [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Master time management with 7 productivity strategies for optimal results

      Farzana Hoque, MD | Physician
    • Proposed USPSTF guideline update: Advocating for earlier breast cancer screening at age 40

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Novel Anti-HER2 Drugs 'Impressive' in Advanced Biliary Cancer
  • What Was Tied to Lower Long COVID Risk?
  • Chemo-Free Approach Works in Subset of Patients With HER2+ Early Breast Cancer
  • Two-Drug Combo Wins for Refractory Gout
  • First-in-Class Sjogren's Drug Passes Mid-Stage Test

Meeting Coverage

  • Novel Anti-HER2 Drugs 'Impressive' in Advanced Biliary Cancer
  • Chemo-Free Approach Works in Subset of Patients With HER2+ Early Breast Cancer
  • Two-Drug Combo Wins for Refractory Gout
  • First-in-Class Sjogren's Drug Passes Mid-Stage Test
  • Pricey Drug Combo Boosts PFS in First-Line Advanced Ovarian Cancer
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The power of coaching for physicians: transforming thoughts, changing lives

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • The hidden factor in physician burnout: How the climate crisis is contributing to the erosion of well-being

      Elizabeth Cerceo, MD | Physician
    • Physician entrepreneurs offer hope for burned out doctors

      Cindy Rubin, MD | Physician
    • We need a new Hippocratic Oath that puts patient autonomy first

      Jeffrey A. Singer, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
    • Empowering Black nurses for lasting change [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Master time management with 7 productivity strategies for optimal results

      Farzana Hoque, MD | Physician
    • Proposed USPSTF guideline update: Advocating for earlier breast cancer screening at age 40

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
    • The rising threat of lung cancer in Asian American female nonsmokers

      Alice S. Y. Lee, MD | Conditions
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...