Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

I have discovered the immense strength it takes to be vulnerable

Shweta Akhouri, MD
Physician
May 23, 2020
995 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

As I sit through another meeting discussing our facility’s preparedness for COVID-19, my mind circles back to my infant at home. Husband and I are both frontline physicians, fully aware we may need to take on more shifts and responsibilities. Do I have a COVID-19 preparedness plan for my family? What will I do if our baby’s caretaker doesn’t want to expose herself to our ‘high-risk’ home? Why isn’t anyone in these meetings discussing child-care options?

I go on to the hospital for rounds with the team, which includes a pregnant resident. When we get to the COVID unit, I ask her to stay out. She didn’t ask for this favor. Surely, she must worry about her exposure and long-term consequences for her unborn baby. Unfortunately, residency training, with all its rigidity, doesn’t leave her with many options. I need to bring this up in our next faculty meeting.

After lunch, I conduct my scheduled telehealth visits. My patients tell me the pandemic and the confinement to their homes is causing anxiety. I advise them on relaxation techniques and titrate their medications as needed. In between patients, my mind wanders. These days, I can’t ignore the pangs of panic that arise every time my baby coughs. I can’t quarantine from an 8-month old, who is exploring her senses and tries to use my fingers as a pacifier. The reports of a multi-system inflammatory syndrome in children are suddenly hitting too close to home. My phone beeps with a text from my husband, a hospitalist, about an outbreak at a local nursing home.

“We have to be prepared for a potential surge,” he says. I am thankful for the PPE we are provided every day, and pray it is protecting him. I admire his dedication to patients and our community, but I sometimes wish we could take time off and be safe within the confines of our home. It is a terrible feeling to know that the biggest threat to my child’s safety is her parents. I can feel my emotional resilience crumbling; I should take my own advice about relaxation.

Our small residency program always felt like one big family. Our office doors were always wide open, and group lunches were a common sight. There is an eerie silence now, with shut doors and hushed voices behind masks. We check-in with each other, but via emails and texts. We’re six feet apart, but might as well be on different planets. I should remind my colleagues and residents that I’m here if they ever need to talk.

I know I am not alone in my thoughts; I am just echoing sentiments of other female physicians. We are mothers, wives, patient advocates, and educators. And we’re all suddenly finding ourselves in unchartered waters. In weathering this pandemic, I’ve taken time to reflect. I wish I could say I emerged from this introspection having conquered all my fears. Instead, I have discovered the immense strength it takes to be vulnerable. I can admit I do not have all the answers, and the uncertainty of tomorrow gnaws at me. I also know that despite the upheaval, I wouldn’t trade my job for anything in the world.

Shweta Akhouri is a family physician.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

If you’re falling apart, should you still perform the pancreas biopsy?

May 23, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

A physician wedding in the age of COVID

May 23, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: COVID, Infectious Disease, Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
If you’re falling apart, should you still perform the pancreas biopsy?
Next Post >
A physician wedding in the age of COVID

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • When your first food allergy reaction takes place in the air

    Lianne Mandelbaum
  • Sometimes it takes more than asking, “Are you OK?”

    Anya Golkowski Barron
  • Coronavirus takes a toll on IMGs: anxieties over USMLE Step 1 becoming pass/fail

    Karolina Woroniecka, MD, PhD
  • A medical student takes a look into the abyss. Here’s what he learned.

    Evan Schauer
  • How to mitigate risk and foster resilience among vulnerable populations during COVID-19

    Darrell M. Gray, II, MD, MPH

More in Physician

  • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

    Kim Downey, PT
  • Inside the grueling life of a surgery intern

    Randall S. Fong, MD
  • The shifting landscape of gastroenterology manpower and compensation

    Brian Hudes, MD
  • Surgical procedures for inpatients: Addressing socioeconomic urgencies

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

    Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD
  • A message of hope for physicians

    Kim Downey, PT
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling excessive medical billing and greed

      Amol Saxena, DPM, MPH | Policy
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Dying is a selfish business

      Nancie Wiseman Attwater | Conditions
    • Navigating medical decision-making: Embracing limits and growth

      Benjamin Wade Frush, MD | Physician
    • Empathy and compassion in palliative care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Navigating the broken medical system: challenges faced by foreign medical graduates

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
    • The essence of medicine: genuine connections in practice

      Jennifer Tillman, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Why patients write: stress relief, self-care, and sharing experiences

      R. Lynn Barnett | Conditions
    • Inside the grueling life of a surgery intern

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Physician
    • Misinformed claims and the offensiveness of discrediting COVID-19 vaccine development

      Angel Garcia Otano, MD | Conditions
    • Bitcoin’s role in diversified portfolios [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • 1 in 5 doctors will become disabled. Are you prepared?

      Amarish Dave, DO | Finance

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Did Gabapentin Improve Post-COVID Olfaction?
  • Fentanyl Death Trends; Food Additives and Heart Disease
  • What If the Doctor Is Out?
  • Reduced Mortality Seen in Cancer Survivors Who Meet Exercise Guidelines
  • CDC Advisors Endorse Maternal RSV Vax to Protect Newborns

Meeting Coverage

  • Loneliness Needs to Be Treated Like Any Other Health Condition, Researcher Suggests
  • Stopping Medical Misinformation Requires Early Detection
  • AI Has an Image Problem in Healthcare, Expert Says
  • Want Better Health Outcomes? Check Out What Other Countries Do
  • ERS Roundup: Cell Transplant Boosts Lung Function in COPD Patients
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling excessive medical billing and greed

      Amol Saxena, DPM, MPH | Policy
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Dying is a selfish business

      Nancie Wiseman Attwater | Conditions
    • Navigating medical decision-making: Embracing limits and growth

      Benjamin Wade Frush, MD | Physician
    • Empathy and compassion in palliative care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Navigating the broken medical system: challenges faced by foreign medical graduates

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
    • The essence of medicine: genuine connections in practice

      Jennifer Tillman, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Why patients write: stress relief, self-care, and sharing experiences

      R. Lynn Barnett | Conditions
    • Inside the grueling life of a surgery intern

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Physician
    • Misinformed claims and the offensiveness of discrediting COVID-19 vaccine development

      Angel Garcia Otano, MD | Conditions
    • Bitcoin’s role in diversified portfolios [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • 1 in 5 doctors will become disabled. Are you prepared?

      Amarish Dave, DO | Finance

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...