Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

More than three hours late, but somehow still on time

Tasia Isbell, MD, MPH
Education
August 28, 2019
6 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

The sound of a clock, hung haphazardly on a colorless cold wall, ticks repetitively — tick, tick, tick. Time continues to pass as my appointment scheduled for three hours ago seems like it will never come. I scheduled this appointment three months ago, and here I sit three hours later. The irony bounces around the room to the sound of the clock ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick.

A door squeaks open.

Just my luck, it’s not the doctor. She introduces herself to me as a medical student, but I want to see the doctor. Here she goes asking me why I am here in the clinic today. Did you not read my chart before you came into the room? Time swirls around the clinic room as I wait for the real doctor to speak to me. Tick. Tick. Tick. I am here today because I had a stroke last week and I need to get that situation taken care of. Here she goes again asking questions.

Muscle weakness. Check.

Vision changes. None.

Numbness. Tingling. Yes, and yes.

When will she stop asking me questions? When will she let me see the doctor, the real doctor? Time continues to laugh as fifteen more minutes go by with no answers. She continues asking me questions and tells me she wants to do a “neuro exam.” I don’t know what a cranial nerve is, but I oblige — maybe the doctor will see me soon. Time continues to slow. Tick. She asks another question. Tick. Tick.

Headaches. Yes, duh.

She continues like this for another five minutes. She asks one last question.

How is your mood?

I can feel myself unraveling at the thought of responding to her question. I had no trouble answering her questions about my muscle strength and speech, but my mood. Can I trust her and we have only been talking for twenty minutes. She slides a box of Kleenex toward me in anticipation of a waterfall of emotions. Hesitantly, I respond. I cannot sleep. I have no appetite. I think the last time I ate was a few days ago — I think, maybe, I’m not sure. I feel guilty about not being able to take care of my children; my relationship with my fiancée is suffering. I feel my self withdrawing. I’m not social anymore. I want to be left alone. All of the time. I’ve been smoking more — two packs a day. I used to only smoke half a pack. I can’t tell if I am freaking her out. She looks calm; I continue. I was diagnosed with depression in 2014 and have been uninsured until a month ago. I haven’t had my antidepressants in over five years. I am desperately trying to be happy. Is it bad I can’t remember the last time I was happy? I have no reason to not be happy, right? I continue. I have thought about killing myself. I tried before when I was younger — cutting and pills. What would keep you from trying again she asks. Of course, she asks.

My children. My grandchildren. I start to laugh thinking about my three grandchildren, I think about the years that passed without a glimmer of happiness. Oh, how I forgot what it felt like to genuinely laugh, to enjoy someone’s company. She’s not the doctor yet, but she’s a listener, now. The sound of the clock continues to tick, tick, tick. I have lost track of time. The doctor enters the room. More than three hours late, but somehow still on time.

Tasia Isbell is a medical student.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

No, phones don't cause horns to grow on skulls

August 27, 2019 Kevin 3
…
Next

Why physicians should have golden parachutes

August 28, 2019 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
No, phones don't cause horns to grow on skulls
Next Post >
Why physicians should have golden parachutes

More by Tasia Isbell, MD, MPH

  • Be the Simone Biles of health care

    Tasia Isbell, MD, MPH
  • 7 reflections on grief and personal loss as told by a medical student

    Tasia Isbell, MD, MPH

Related Posts

  • Finding happiness in the time of COVID

    Anonymous
  • It’s time to focus medical education on training the whole person

    Tracy Asamoah, MD
  • Doctors: It’s time to unionize

    Thomas D. Guastavino, MD
  • It’s time to abolish the MCAT

    Inginia Genao, MD
  • The next time you see a medical student, give support

    Gurbaksh Shergill, MD
  • It’s time to end the USMLE Step 3 exam

    Madeline Wozniak

More in Education

  • The secret to success in medical school: self-awareness and courage

    Kaelor Gordon
  • Is mandating pre-medical training widening disparities in the U.S. physician workforce?

    Deepak Gupta, MD and Sarwan Kumar, MD
  • Equalizing the future of medical residencies: standardizing work hours and wages

    Deepak Gupta, MD and Sarwan Kumar, MD
  • From studying to baby kicks: Navigating motherhood in medical school

    Natalie Eichner-Seitz
  • The power of advocacy: a medical student’s journey to helping an uninsured immigrant

    Fabiola Plaza
  • From AI to love: the key to a better future in medical education

    Stevan Walkowski, DO
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • The struggle to fill emergency medicine residency spots: Exploring the factors behind the unfilled match

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Healing the damaged nurse-physician dynamic

      Angel J. Mena, MD and Ali Morin, MSN, RN | Policy
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond the disease: the power of empathy in health care

      Nana Dadzie Ghansah, MD | Physician
    • Deaths of despair: an urgent call for a collective response to the crisis in U.S. life expectancy

      Mohammed Umer Waris, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • The hidden dangers of the Nebraska Heartbeat Act

      Meghan Sheehan, MD | Policy
    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The vital importance of climate change education in medical schools

      Helen Kim, MD | Policy
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Breaking free from gaslighting [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The pros and cons of using ChatGPT for your health care needs

      Liudmila Schafer, MD | Tech
    • Dr. Glaucomflecken for president!

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Amy Bissada, DO & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Do residents deserve the title of physician?

      Anonymous | Physician
    • A new era of collaboration between AI and health care professionals

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • How Did Pulse Oximeters Perform in Black Kids?
  • Coffee and Heart Function; Ionizing Radiation and CVD
  • Health Inequity Should Be Labeled as a 'Never Event'
  • Healing the Damaged Nurse-Physician Dynamic
  • Doc Moms, Mind the Gap -- $3M Earning Difference by Sex

Meeting Coverage

  • Switch to IL-23 Blocker Yields Deep Responses in Recalcitrant Plaque Psoriasis
  • Biomarkers of Response With Enfortumab Vedotin in Advanced Urothelial Cancer
  • At-Home Topical Therapy for Molluscum Contagiosum Gets High Marks
  • Outlook for Itchy Prurigo Nodularis Continues to Improve With IL-31 Antagonist
  • AAAAI President Shares Highlights From the 2023 Meeting
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • The struggle to fill emergency medicine residency spots: Exploring the factors behind the unfilled match

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Healing the damaged nurse-physician dynamic

      Angel J. Mena, MD and Ali Morin, MSN, RN | Policy
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Beyond the disease: the power of empathy in health care

      Nana Dadzie Ghansah, MD | Physician
    • Deaths of despair: an urgent call for a collective response to the crisis in U.S. life expectancy

      Mohammed Umer Waris, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • The hidden dangers of the Nebraska Heartbeat Act

      Meghan Sheehan, MD | Policy
    • The real cause of America’s opioid crisis: Doctors are not to blame

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • Nobody wants this job. Should physicians stick around?

      Katie Klingberg, MD | Physician
    • The vital importance of climate change education in medical schools

      Helen Kim, MD | Policy
    • The fight for reproductive health: Why medication abortion matters

      Catherine Hennessey, MD | Physician
    • Resetting the doctor-patient relationship: Navigating the challenges of modern primary care

      Jeffrey H. Millstein, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Breaking free from gaslighting [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The pros and cons of using ChatGPT for your health care needs

      Liudmila Schafer, MD | Tech
    • Dr. Glaucomflecken for president!

      Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Amy Bissada, DO & Corinne Sundar Rao, MD | Physician
    • What is driving physicians to the edge of despair?

      Edward T. Creagan, MD | Physician
    • Do residents deserve the title of physician?

      Anonymous | Physician
    • A new era of collaboration between AI and health care professionals

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today iMedicalApps
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...