Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The journey of being a parent in medical school

Amy Zhang, MD
Education
May 7, 2019
422 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

One big life event for me was having my son Matthew during medical school. It has been a fulfilling and interesting journey.

I met my husband Andrew during college, and we were lucky to matriculate together at the University of Minnesota Medical School. I decided to do a dermatology research year between the third and fourth years of medical school, and Andrew did a neurology research year at the same time. We decided that a research year would be a good time as any to have a kid, and so I gave birth to Matthew about five months into the research year. We have been very happy with having Matthew relatively early on in our careers. Our research year and fourth year of medical school have been fairly flexible, giving us some great quality time with Matthew. We also like the idea of not putting our lives on hold for the sake of medical training, and leaving ourselves space to have a big family later on.

The thing that has surprised me the most about being a parent is simply how difficult it is. I never gave my parents, or any parent, enough credit for all that they do. The learning curve of taking care of our son was so steep, with many books, audiobooks, and Google searches involved. There was often no correct or clear-cut answer to questions such as why is Matthew crying? And what should we do? Parenting takes an abundance of energy, time, and grit. It is essentially being on call 24/7 and is hands down the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, harder than medical school.

And when the responsibilities of being a parent are compounded with the realities of being a medical student, it starts to be too much. I typically start my “work” day between 5 to 6 a.m. when Matthew wakes up. I spend about 8 to 10 hours at my rotation site, and the workday ends around 8 to 9 p.m. when Matthew goes to bed. Then, after 8 to 9 p.m., I try to cram in studying, emails, cleaning, connecting with my husband, showering, decompressing on social media, planning for the next day, sleeping, etc., and it never feels like enough time. The weekends are busy as well with playing, cooking, cleaning, and everything that goes into caring for a little human who requires near-constant attention.

While 15-hour workdays are doable, when stacked day after day (weekends included so there is never a true break), for 18 months, with night awakenings at times, compounded by sickness every month from daycare, it really becomes utterly exhausting. The last time that I felt completely well rested and healthy was before Matthew’s birth, and I suspect it’s not going to let up anytime soon. I struggle constantly with the balance of spending quality time with my husband and son, trying to study and perform well as a medical student, and doing things for myself to maintain my sanity (for example, I love reading books for fun).

It probably comes as no surprise then, that being a parent has hurt my performance as a medical student. Factors have included decreased and fractured sleep, decreased time to study, needing to pump during the day, and getting sidetracked with mental to-do lists and pangs of mommy guilt. There is a definite tension between being a good medical student and a good parent. At times they are mutually exclusive, and sacrifice is needed. For example, if Matthew is still breastfeeding when I need to leave for work, do I wait for him to get his fill or leave so that I am on time to see patients? (I would typically leave for work.) If we are very busy in clinic, do I take my pumping break or do I power through and hurt my milk supply? (I would typically take a pumping break.) When my work is done, do I leave to pick Matthew up or stick around to see if anyone needs extra help? (I would typically leave for daycare.) My reasoning is based mostly on gut feeling, and I take each day and scenario as it arises.

Yet, being a parent has enhanced my medical student career in other ways. Although I am exhausted, I wouldn’t say I feel burned out. There are so many sweet, hilarious, pure, and fun moments sprinkled into each day that keep me refreshed. I love that Matthew is starting to form his own opinions, ideas, and jokes. Being a parent has taught me a lot of soft skills, including love, patience, and resiliency. I find that I connect better with others, including with patients. I have also learned to be more efficient with my time, and to prioritize the things that truly matter. And as a life philosophy, I have learned to go with the flow so much more. We just attempt to try our best every day, learning and having fun as we go.

There are many uncertainties about the future. I am most worried about how we will handle the challenges of residency. I worry that we will be subpar residents and that our bond with Matthew will weaken. But, I think we will be OK. I am proud of how we have handled things so far (so much credit is due to my super husband), and I know we will keep picking ourselves up during residency. At the end of the day, I try to keep the big picture in mind — as long as everyone is alive and loved, I call that a win.

Amy Zhang is an incoming dermatology resident.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Political games are destroying our national state of health

May 7, 2019 Kevin 10
…
Next

Physicians and patients must work together to improve health care

May 8, 2019 Kevin 3
…

Tagged as: Medical school, Practice Management

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Political games are destroying our national state of health
Next Post >
Physicians and patients must work together to improve health care

Related Posts

  • End medical school grades

    Adam Lieber
  • A young mother’s medical school journey

    Choryon Park
  • The medical school personal statement struggle

    Sheindel Ifrah
  • It’s them, not you: the journey of applying to medical school

    Vanya Vojvodic
  • Why medical school is like playing defense

    Jamie Katuna
  • Promote a culture of medical school peer education

    Albert Jang, MD

More in Education

  • Breaking the silence: the truth about mental health challenges among medical students and why medical schools must take action

    Erin Waldrop
  • Breaking the stigma: Encouraging mental health help-seeking in medical trainees

    Anonymous
  • I’m not so different from Lionel Messi – and neither are you

    Lauren Tien
  • 6 ways ChatGPT can help you succeed in medical school

    Drew Bergman
  • Is it time to say goodbye to medical school rankings?

    James Goldchild
  • The unintended consequences of ERAS: Are we losing unique applicants?

    Ank Agarwal, Aditya Narayan, Joshua Leaston, and Akshay Bhamidipati
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A patient’s perspective on the diminishing relationship between doctors and patients

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Unmasking wage disparity in health care: the truth behind the Elmhurst Hospital physician strike

      Kevin Pho, MD | KevinMD
    • Why affirmative action is crucial for health equity and social justice in medicine

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Policy
    • How electronic health records preserve patients’ legacies in the words of oncologists

      Marc Braunstein, MD, PhD | Physician
    • Unmasking the brutal reality of gun violence in America: a call to action for unity and meaningful change

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Policy
    • Emulating Michael Jordan’s winning mindset: a path to success for health care professionals and entrepreneurs

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The growing threat to transgender health care: implications for patients, providers, and trainees

      Carson Hartlage | Policy
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Raw humanity on night float: inspiring patient encounters and overcoming challenges

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Is AI the solution for the shortage of nephrologists? ChatGPT weighs in.

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Tech
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • Why HIPAA is failing and what you need to know to protect your data [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revolutionizing emergency medicine: Overcoming long-term challenges with innovative solutions for physicians and patients

      Anonymous | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • What Drug Did FDA Just Approve for COVID?
  • PET Scan for Alzheimer's Dx; Predicting Colon Cancer Survival
  • What Happens When We Classify Kids' Weight as a 'Disease'?
  • Sotagliflozin Gets FDA's Blessing for Heart Failure
  • Cardiorespiratory Monitoring Can Be Telling of Outcomes in Extremely Preterm Infants

Meeting Coverage

  • No Access to Routine Healthcare Biggest Barrier to HPV Vaccination
  • Trial Results Spark Talk of Curing More Metastatic Cervical Cancers
  • Cross-Border Collaboration Improves Survival in Pediatric Leukemia Patients
  • Monoclonal Antibody Reduced Need For Transfusions in Low-Risk MDS
  • Less-Invasive Surgery for Pancreatic Cancer Proves Safe, Effective
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • A patient’s perspective on the diminishing relationship between doctors and patients

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Unmasking wage disparity in health care: the truth behind the Elmhurst Hospital physician strike

      Kevin Pho, MD | KevinMD
    • Why affirmative action is crucial for health equity and social justice in medicine

      Katrina Gipson, MD, MPH | Policy
    • How electronic health records preserve patients’ legacies in the words of oncologists

      Marc Braunstein, MD, PhD | Physician
    • Unmasking the brutal reality of gun violence in America: a call to action for unity and meaningful change

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Policy
    • Emulating Michael Jordan’s winning mindset: a path to success for health care professionals and entrepreneurs

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The growing threat to transgender health care: implications for patients, providers, and trainees

      Carson Hartlage | Policy
    • Breaking point: the 5 reasons American doctors are dreaming of walking away from medicine

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Physician
    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • It’s time to replace the 0 to 10 pain intensity scale with a better measure

      Mark Sullivan, MD and Jane Ballantyne, MD | Conditions
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors aren’t to blame for the U.S. opioid crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Raw humanity on night float: inspiring patient encounters and overcoming challenges

      Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Is AI the solution for the shortage of nephrologists? ChatGPT weighs in.

      Amol Shrikhande, MD | Tech
    • Unlocking the secrets of cancer conferences: an end-of-life counselor’s journey among pharmaceutical giants

      Althea Halchuck, EJD | Conditions
    • Why HIPAA is failing and what you need to know to protect your data [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revolutionizing emergency medicine: Overcoming long-term challenges with innovative solutions for physicians and patients

      Anonymous | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...