Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The simple question that can save the lives of physicians

Maiysha Clairborne, MD
Physician
November 12, 2016
98 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

Yesterday I woke up to a startling realization: Like the dozens of women I treat, I will soon be entering “the change” as they call it, and I instantly was catapulted on to the other side of the exam table.  While all the symptoms are not present, I’ve been noticing the signs, and when I reviewed the blood work that was done last week, it was clear. The “M” word is coming soon.

I’ve never been one to fight the biological clock, but yesterday I found myself in a state of frustration, fear, and sadness.  “I’m only 42.  I don’t even feel 40. I don’t want to deal with all of the implications that come with the depletion of hormones.  So, I pull from my own integrative knowledge, and frantically go online to find the supplements I know will enhance the little bit of oomph my ovaries still have. I do the exact thing I often try to discourage my patients from doing. Go figure.

We are facing the same things our patients are in our own lives every day.

We as physicians are faced daily with the effects of illness, death, dying and the aging process through our patients. We also deal with relationship problems, divorce, financial strain, challenges with our children and aging parents just like our patients do. So, what happens when we begin to experience the very thing that we advise and treat our patients on daily especially when it is difficult for us to bring ourselves to be the patient.  We may sometimes forget that we are not beyond the physical and emotional ups and downs that we treat in our patients, we as physicians must face that we are human too. This is why we must take care of ourselves as a community by taking care of each other.  Say what?  “Don’t I take care of enough people already?”  The answer to that is yes, and that is precisely why we need to take care of each other.

What exactly do you mean by that?

When I am feeling sad, hopeless, scared about my own mortality, the last person I’d feel safe to call is a colleague. We as a community do not make it safe to open up to each other when we are in distress.   In fact, we either largely avoid our colleagues when they are in distress or worse we try to diagnose and treat them … label them as we do our patients. Even though we are doing the latter in an attempt to be helpful, this approach can cause further isolation and ultimately lead to a darker fate.

Research shows that approximately 400 physicians commit suicide each year.

We know that the prevalence of depression and suicide is widely under-reported. In my residency program, I was moments away from swallowing a bottle of Percocet after a knee surgery, and I had been depressed for months. Up until that point, I had told no one that I was suffering.  And while I did something most doctors don’t (I asked for help), a good friend of mine didn’t and only six years later, he shot himself.

It’s often a detrimental surprise to the colleagues of the doctor who had seen him or her daily, often with no awareness that there was even a problem.  

We are conditioned to push on when we are struggling.  We are taught from the time we enter medical school to never show weakness.  It is so ingrained that even we forget that we are human, and not the robot, lone ranger, superheroes that others sometimes see us as.  How, then can we take care of each other?

We can start simply by asking “How are you doing?”  I don’t mean that fast walk by type of “how’re you doing” while barely stopping to hear the answer. I mean a genuine stop, look them in the eye, “how are you doing, really?”

The answer may be “fine.” Whether or not they are fine is not the point (remember, your colleague is just as conditioned as you are), the point is someone took the time to care enough to ask in a way that begged for a real answer. You have planted the seed that you care. The more we do this for each other, the more we will connect. Connection leads to authentic conversation, and that could save your colleague’s life.

Is that it? Are you saying that asking how someone is doing will solve this enormous problem?

Of course not!  We are only at the beginning of creating solutions to this insidious disease of our culture that leads to physician burnout, exhaustion, depression, and suicide.  It’s a mountain with no top.  We must start with ourselves. Recognizing that you are human is first.  Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Create a strategy that has your life really work.  As you work your own plan, then and only then will you begin have the space to connect with your colleagues in a way that makes a difference.

Believe me, whether your colleague admits it or even recognizes the impact, by making repeated attempts to connect, you are speaking to the unconscious mind. You are telling them “Hey, you are not alone.”  Perhaps if someone had been asked the question “How are you doing, really?”, I would not have found myself staring down the barrel of that bottle of Percocet 14 years ago. Perhaps if someone had taken the time to ask, my dear friend and colleague that same question 8 years ago, he’d be alive today.

Maiysha Clairborne is an integrative medicine physician and can be reached at TheStressFreeMD.  She is the author of The Wellness Blueprint: The Complete Mind/Body Approach to Reclaiming Your Health & Wellness. 

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Instead of repealing the Affordable Care Act, strengthen it

November 12, 2016 Kevin 9
…
Next

A physician's poignant election thoughts

November 12, 2016 Kevin 43
…

Tagged as: Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Instead of repealing the Affordable Care Act, strengthen it
Next Post >
A physician's poignant election thoughts

More by Maiysha Clairborne, MD

  • From solidarity to co-liberation: Understanding the journey towards ending oppression

    Maiysha Clairborne, MD
  • How deep mindset work helped me find the courage to make my career transition

    Maiysha Clairborne, MD
  • The mindset of an entrepreneur: Why failure is an option

    Maiysha Clairborne, MD

Related Posts

  • A question to ask physicians: How much is tough enough?

    DrizzleMD
  • Are patients using social media to attack physicians?

    David R. Stukus, MD
  • The risk physicians take when going on social media

    Anonymous
  • Beware of pseudoscience: The desperate need for physicians on social media

    Valerie A. Jones, MD
  • When physicians are cyberbullied: an interview with ZDoggMD

    Monique Tello, MD
  • Surprising and unlikely rewards of social media engagement by physicians

    Lisa Chan, MD

More in Physician

  • The erosion of patient care

    Laura de la Torre, MD
  • Navigating adulthood in the digital age

    Eleanor Menzin, MD
  • The power of business knowledge for medical professionals

    Curtis G. Graham, MD
  • Using the language of art to create work-life balance

    Sarah Samaan, MD
  • Lively communication in the service industry

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

    Kim Downey, PT
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
    • I’m tired of being a distracted doctor

      Shiv Rao, MD | Tech
    • Inside the grueling life of a surgery intern

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Physician
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Balancing motherhood and medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Misunderstandings about opioid use disorder

      Amy Baxter, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Debating the role of psychiatric assessments in medical decisions

      Christian Youssef & Francisco M. Torres, MD | Conditions
    • Navigating adulthood in the digital age

      Eleanor Menzin, MD | Physician
    • 5 things to know about weight from a bariatric surgeon

      Maria Iliakova, MD | Conditions
    • Out-of-office infusions in oncology care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of business knowledge for medical professionals

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • New Cardiology Board to Come; 2nd Pig-Heart Xenotransplant; Uric Acid as Stroke Tx?
  • Postmenopausal Fracture Risk for SGLT2 Inhibitors Similar to Other Diabetes Drugs
  • Record-Breaking Obesity Certifications; 365-Day CGM Data; Med Spa Mounjaro Lawsuits
  • When Screening Guidelines Collide, Who Wins?
  • New Schizophrenia Treatments Are Coming: Don't Panic

Meeting Coverage

  • New Schizophrenia Treatments Are Coming: Don't Panic
  • Loneliness Needs to Be Treated Like Any Other Health Condition, Researcher Suggests
  • Stopping Medical Misinformation Requires Early Detection
  • AI Has an Image Problem in Healthcare, Expert Says
  • Want Better Health Outcomes? Check Out What Other Countries Do
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
    • I’m tired of being a distracted doctor

      Shiv Rao, MD | Tech
    • Inside the grueling life of a surgery intern

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Physician
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Balancing motherhood and medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • Mourning the silent epidemic: the physician suicide crisis and suggestions for change

      Amna Shabbir, MD | Physician
    • Reigniting after burnout: 3 physician stories

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • Misunderstandings about opioid use disorder

      Amy Baxter, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Debating the role of psychiatric assessments in medical decisions

      Christian Youssef & Francisco M. Torres, MD | Conditions
    • Navigating adulthood in the digital age

      Eleanor Menzin, MD | Physician
    • 5 things to know about weight from a bariatric surgeon

      Maria Iliakova, MD | Conditions
    • Out-of-office infusions in oncology care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The power of business knowledge for medical professionals

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...