Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

When there was no hope, I used my imagination to create it

Clarissa Schilstra
Patient
December 13, 2012
104 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

On November 17th, I celebrated the three-year anniversary of the end of my leukemia relapse treatment.  In going through the day, I thought a lot about what I went through.  I thought a lot about how I ever survived it all.   I remember so vividly those hopeless moments, hours, days, months of nausea, pain, and so many forms of discomfort.  What stands out to me was the hopelessness and the intensity of it all.  In such hopeless, negative, draining, horrible moments, how did I push forward?  How did I convince myself to keep going, to keep taking everything that was making me feel so bad?  Now, I know how I did it.

When there was no hope, I used my imagination to create it – I imagined hope.  I dreamt about going back to school, about dancing at senior prom, about going on my first date, about graduating high school, about going to college, about becoming a doctor, about getting married.  I dreamt about everything I wanted to experience in my life and it gave me hope, no matter how hopeless I felt in that moment of suffering.   I imagined how incredibly wonderful all those experiences would be and how it would not be long until I reach them … I just had to keep pushing through.  To really keep those ideas and dreams fresh in my mind, so that they could keep motivating me, I would often write them down in a journal or in the notes app on my phone.  Keeping them as written reminders made them even more helpful and I could keep looking back at them to remind myself of the good things that were ahead of me.

Looking back on it now, having lived out at least half of those dreams I had for myself, in more wonderful ways than I could have ever imagined, I can truly say imagining hope made a difference for me.

So, when you feel the worst, when you feel the most hopeless, when you are the most beat down, I encourage you to imagine your future.  Dream about the experiences you want to have and the things you want to accomplish, imagine the life you could have (I’m sure it’s going to be a pretty good one).  In doing so, you can force hope into your mind and heart, which can give you that extra push to get through the suffering you face and let you know there is an end to it and a bright future ahead of you.

Clarissa Schilstra is a student at Duke University who blogs at Riding the Cancer Coaster: Survival Guide for Teens.

Prev

Tiny threads hold a marriage together

December 13, 2012 Kevin 3
…
Next

Tips to examine the eardrum of the squirming, angry child

December 14, 2012 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Oncology/Hematology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Tiny threads hold a marriage together
Next Post >
Tips to examine the eardrum of the squirming, angry child

More by Clarissa Schilstra

  • a desk with keyboard and ipad with the kevinmd logo

    Both the scientific and the social sides of medicine are needed

    Clarissa Schilstra

More in Patient

  • There’s no one to drive your patient home

    Denise Reich
  • Dying is a selfish business

    Nancie Wiseman Attwater
  • A story of a good death

    Carol Ewig
  • We are warriors: doctors and patients

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Patient care is not a spectator sport

    Jim Sholler
  • Me is who I am

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Understanding reproductive rights: complex considerations

      Anonymous | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling excessive medical billing and greed

      Amol Saxena, DPM, MPH | Policy
    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • When physicians are disrespected [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Addressing dual diagnosis needs in addiction treatment

      Susan Hertz Berrick, EdD | Conditions
    • The essence of health narratives, including poetry

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Discover the power of patience

      Diane W. Shannon, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Doctors rediscover joy in practicing medicine, on their own terms

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • End-of-life ethics and antibiotic use [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Novavax's Updated COVID Shot Authorized by FDA
  • SBRT Noninferior to Conventional RT for Intermediate-Risk Prostate Cancer
  • Mixed Bag for Early Metformin in Gestational Diabetes
  • FDA Advisors to Consider DFMO Maintenance for High-Risk Neuroblastoma in Kids
  • Adding Tirzepatide to Basal Insulin Cuts HbA1c in Poorly Controlled T2D

Meeting Coverage

  • SBRT Noninferior to Conventional RT for Intermediate-Risk Prostate Cancer
  • Mixed Bag for Early Metformin in Gestational Diabetes
  • Adding Tirzepatide to Basal Insulin Cuts HbA1c in Poorly Controlled T2D
  • Low Relapse Rates With Twice-Yearly Schizophrenia Treatment
  • Menopause Can Negatively Affect Women's Careers
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Challenging the diagnosis: dehydration or bias?

      Sydney Lou Bonnick, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 unleashed an ongoing crisis of delirium in hospitals

      Christina Reppas-Rindlisbacher, MD, Nathan Stall, MD, and Paula Rochon, MD | Conditions
    • Air quality alert: Reducing our carbon footprint in health care

      Shreya Aggarwal, MD | Conditions
    • A teenager’s perspective: the pressing need for mental health days in schools

      Ruhi Saldanha | Conditions
    • Understanding reproductive rights: complex considerations

      Anonymous | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Medical gaslighting: a growing challenge in today’s medical landscape

      Tami Burdick | Conditions
    • I want to be a doctor who can provide care for women: What states must I rule out for my medical education?

      Nandini Erodula | Education
    • Balancing opioid medication in chronic pain

      L. Joseph Parker, MD | Conditions
    • The erosion of patient care

      Laura de la Torre, MD | Physician
    • Unveiling excessive medical billing and greed

      Amol Saxena, DPM, MPH | Policy
    • I’m a doctor, and I almost died during childbirth

      Bayo Curry-Winchell, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • When physicians are disrespected [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Addressing dual diagnosis needs in addiction treatment

      Susan Hertz Berrick, EdD | Conditions
    • The essence of health narratives, including poetry

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Discover the power of patience

      Diane W. Shannon, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Doctors rediscover joy in practicing medicine, on their own terms

      Kim Downey, PT | Physician
    • End-of-life ethics and antibiotic use [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

When there was no hope, I used my imagination to create it
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...