Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The fifties woman has many reasons to get better

Greg Smith, MD
Physician
December 20, 2011
54 Shares
Share
Tweet
Share

“51-year old female presents today with …”

Funny, the vast majority of my clinical notes last week began with that phrase, give or take a year or two. Women in their fifties who saw me in the clinic, who I spoke to via television in my telepsychiatry practice, or who I interacted with in some other way. It struck me as odd that so many women of similar age came to psychiatric consultation. Mental health practice is funny that way. Groups of people, age clusters, diagnostic groups-they all tend to show up in bunches and herds and gaggles. Could be the full moon. Could be environmental toxins. Could be nothing.

At any rate, I have some thoughts about this whole woman in her fifties thing.

Fifties women are caught squarely in the middle of I’m-grown-and-I-don’t-need-you-to-take-care-of-me-any-more children and I’m-old-and-I-need-you-to-take-care-of-me-constantly parents. They are conflicted. They want to be mothers to their children, who they see slipping away into adulthood and not needing them any more. They want to be adult children to their parents, not quite ready to take on the mantle of the oldest generation themselves but knowing that the time to do so is rapidly approaching. They are worried about empty nests and nest eggs and quiet and emptiness and nights with worries about globetrotting children and parents who left unattended will walk out the front door in nightgowns and slippers. They are the glue that holds their world together, acting as a resonating resin that is pulled and stressed and taken to the limits of its ability to bend but not break. They are stressed, but they feel that this is the place they must be. If they let themselves be pulled too far in one direction or the other, someone they love will be short changed. The only option is to plant both feet firmly on the ground, stretch each arm out, and hold on tight until something gives.

The problem is, the thing that often gives is the fifties woman herself. She suffers from it all, sometimes quietly, sometimes noisily, but she suffers just the same. She has the OCD that has never been diagnosed. She has panic attacks every time she sets foot in Walmart. She has the wild mood swings of bipolar disorder, making the best use of her mania while trying not to kill herself when in the doldrums of a deep depression. She is the mother who never gets over the baby blues and feels uncomfortable every time she picks up a kitchen knife when her baby is within arms reach. She is the closet drinker who could never drink anything but the best wine and the most expensive liquor, though more of it than anyone in her family ever knows. She suffers from unprocessed guilt and rage and disappointment and sadness that her busy life affords no time to deal with.

The fifties woman feels guilty for being ill, so she tells nobody. She constantly tells me that she is the rock of her family, the matriarch, the strong one, the one that everybody else comes to when they need help or solace. She washes the clothes and cooks the meals and bakes the cookies and drives the car pool and goes to the appointments with her frail parents. She keeps her schedule in her head. She is a caretaker, a people pleaser, a model woman, at least in the eyes of the world. In her own eyes, in her own heart, she is a miserable failure. This makes her go faster and try harder and take on more. This eats at her and erodes her physical and mental health.

The good news?

The fifties woman has many, many reasons to get better. She has the love of her children and her parents, who may not tell her often enough but feel it intensely just the same. She has grandchildren coming, or maybe already here, and they open up a whole different world of love and reason for being. She has a home that she has worked on and built and crafted for years, a place of comfort and safety for her and her family that anchors the emotional lives of almost everyone she loves. She has the rest of her life ahead of her, a whole new chapter of being a woman who has run the race, stayed the course, and is now ready to learn new skills, experience new things and find out who she really is.

I’m always glad to see these women.

They know where they’ve been, they know what they’ve accomplished, they know what stands in their way and they are ready to take the next step and grow.

Greg Smith is a psychiatrist who blogs at gregsmithmd.

Submit a guest post and be heard on social media’s leading physician voice.

Prev

Show doctors the value when it comes to social media and EMRs

December 20, 2011 Kevin 3
…
Next

Vaccines, preventable disease, and the nature of risk

December 20, 2011 Kevin 9
…

Tagged as: Patients, Primary Care, Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Show doctors the value when it comes to social media and EMRs
Next Post >
Vaccines, preventable disease, and the nature of risk

More by Greg Smith, MD

  • The psychoanalytic hammer: lessons in listening and patient-centered care

    Greg Smith, MD
  • Clinicians are diamonds in the rough

    Greg Smith, MD
  • Shelter in the age of COVID

    Greg Smith, MD

More in Physician

  • A tense family drama unfolds as a young daughter pursues unconventional career path

    Osmund Agbo, MD
  • Decoding the brain’s decision-making: insights for medical professions and strategies for success

    Harvey Castro, MD, MBA
  • Unmasking the truth: the shocking reality of the opioid epidemic and who’s really to blame

    Jay K. Joshi, MD
  • Discover your true north: Navigating life’s confusions and embracing your path to success

    Tyler Jorgensen, MD
  • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

    Anonymous
  • From journalism to medicine: Unveiling the untold stories of patients’ medical conditions

    Veronica Bonales, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • Proactive risk management: a game-changer in preventing physician burnout

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • A tense family drama unfolds as a young daughter pursues unconventional career path

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Physician
    • Decoding the brain’s decision-making: insights for medical professions and strategies for success

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Unmasking the truth: the shocking reality of the opioid epidemic and who’s really to blame

      Jay K. Joshi, MD | Physician
    • Discover your true north: Navigating life’s confusions and embracing your path to success

      Tyler Jorgensen, MD | Physician
    • A revolution in patient empowerment: Working together to save our medical system [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 6 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

CME Spotlights

From MedPage Today

Latest News

  • Full-On Reversal of Cardiac Amyloidosis Possible With Antibodies
  • Spell Check-Up: Do You Have the Skills to Pass This Spelling Test?
  • For Some, Sex Is Better Sleep Aid Than Pill, Small Survey Finds
  • Even Healthy People Should Minimize Exposure to Wildfire Smoke, Experts Say
  • Nails or Sliding Hip Screws to Repair Trochanteric Fractures?

Meeting Coverage

  • For Some, Sex Is Better Sleep Aid Than Pill, Small Survey Finds
  • Skipping Radiotherapy 'Seems Safe' for PMBCL Patients in Remission
  • Promising Gene Therapy for Overactive Bladder
  • Shotgun Sequencing of Small Intestine Reveals Species Tied to GI Symptom Severity
  • FGFR Inhibitor Stakes Claim to Post-Anti-PD-1 Role in Advanced Bladder Cancer
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Is chaos in health care leading us towards socialized medicine? How physician burnout is a catalyst.

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Boxing legends Tyson and Foreman: powerful lessons for a resilient and evolving health care future

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • A physician’s typical day, as envisioned by a non-clinician health care MBA: a satire

      Jennifer Lycette, MD | Physician
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The tragic story of Mr. G: a painful journey towards understanding suicide

      William Lynes, MD | Physician
    • Decoding name displays in health care: Privacy, identification, and compliance unveiled

      Deepak Gupta, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • “Is your surgeon really skilled? The hidden threat to public safety in medicine.

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
    • Revolutionize your practice: the value-based care model that reduces physician burnout

      Chandravadan Patel, MD | Physician
    • Breaking the cycle of racism in health care: a call for anti-racist action

      Tomi Mitchell, MD | Policy
    • Unveiling the hidden damage: the secretive world of medical boards

      Alan Lindemann, MD | Physician
    • An inspiring tribute to an exceptional radiologist who made a lasting impact

      Kim Downey, PT | Conditions
    • Proactive risk management: a game-changer in preventing physician burnout

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • A tense family drama unfolds as a young daughter pursues unconventional career path

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Physician
    • Decoding the brain’s decision-making: insights for medical professions and strategies for success

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Unmasking the truth: the shocking reality of the opioid epidemic and who’s really to blame

      Jay K. Joshi, MD | Physician
    • Discover your true north: Navigating life’s confusions and embracing your path to success

      Tyler Jorgensen, MD | Physician
    • A revolution in patient empowerment: Working together to save our medical system [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Revealing America’s expansion: the dark truth of Native American suffering and unjustified abuses

      Anonymous | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

The fifties woman has many reasons to get better
6 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...