We do not have medical records or diagnoses. The news is filled with speculation. What we do know is that Miriam Carey’s one-year-old daughter lost her mother, and that because the incident occurred in Washington, DC in front of the White House, it is shining a spotlight on the subject of mental health and motherhood. And the message should be simple. Diagnoses don’t matter. As part of our nation’s health care system (another complex and fraught subject this week!) we must provide a safety net for mothers who are struggling emotionally in the weeks and months following the transition to motherhood.
Recently in my role as director of Newton-Wellesley Hospital’s Early Childhood Social Emotional Health program, I have had the privilege of participating in a mother-baby group on a regular basis. During the 90 minute session, as these moms share feelings about such things as sleep deprivation, navigating new territory with a spouse, and going back to work, the babies cycle through sleep, alert interaction, fussy periods, crying and feeding. These mothers, all of them doing this for the first time, intuitively guide their infants through multiple transitions while simultaneously engaging in meaningful conversation.
But it doesn’t always go well. Almost every session, there is a mother-baby pair who struggles. A baby may scream inconsolably, and his mother may leave, overwhelmed by helplessness and shame despite the reassurances from the other moms and group leaders. A mother may break down in tears as she describes the way her own family is not supportive, and how alone she feels. The contrast between the easy attentiveness of the rest of the group, and the pain these mother-baby pairs are experiencing is striking. We expect motherhood to be a time of falling in love; a time of joy and bliss. When it is not, the suffering can be profound.
There is nothing quite like the aloneness of mental health struggles in the setting of motherhood. I recall being startled by the story of one mother in my behavioral pediatrics practice who had struggled with severe postpartum depression. She told me that she had experience relief when her father died when her daughter was about a year old. It was not that she didn’t love her father. But in sharing the grief with her mother and siblings, she no longer felt so terribly alone.
The Massachusetts Postpartum Depression Commission, led by Representative Ellen Story, in collaboration with such organizations as MotherWoman and the Massachusetts Child Psychiatry Access Project, is working hard to provide a safety net for every mother-baby pair who is struggling in this way.
Through a combination of screening, support groups and a network of clinicians who are experienced in working with mothers and babies in the setting of perinatal emotional complications, the aim is to be able to identify and treat every one of these pairs.
This type of effort is also occurring on national level, through such organizations as the National Coalition of Maternal Mental Health. Perhaps the attention on the issue, due to the fact that an incident involving a car chase occurred on Capitol Hill, will give some meaning to Miriam Carey’s daughter’s loss.