If these are your final days, how do you want to spend them?

If these are your final days, how do you want to spend them?

When I first lay eyes on Marilyn, I don’t think she will survive another week. Eighty-nine years old with short, curly gray hair, she sits in a wheelchair in the examination room. According to the nursing sheet, she weighs one-hundred and nine pounds. She wears a bulky white sweater over a gray dress that seems too big for her tiny body.  Her ankles dangle below her dress, swollen due to worsening heart failure. Even though I can tell she is depressed, she manages a smile. Her daughter sits beside her, hands clasped in her lap as she awaits our team’s assessment.

Marilyn has been hospitalized four times in the past year for heart failure. She has had five chest x-rays, three transthoracic echocardiograms, one trans-esophageal echocardiogram, one coronary angiogram, one CT scan of her chest, and open heart surgery to replace her mitral and aortic valves. She has spent many weeks of the past year in convalescent homes. She has been seen thirteen times in the cardiology clinic. She he has not had the strength to walk for over a year.

In a different time, before the advent of modern drugs, tests, and procedures, Marilyn would have been recognized as a woman who is dying, a woman who had lived many years but had now reached the twilight of her life. She would have rested peacefully at home with her family beside her until she passed. Today, however, there is always more we can do. Because we can treat the pieces of Marilyn’s condition, we believe the whole may be salvable. Thus, despite all the care she has received, despite all the doctors and tests and medications, no one has told her she is dying.

My assessment that she is dying is based on a careful review of her condition and the treatment options available. Marilyn has advanced diastolic heart failure and stage III kidney disease. She has chronic anemia and recurrent gastrointestinal bleeding. She is frail, a well-described marker of poor prognosis, and has become more frail with each hospitalization. She frequently develops wet lungs and swollen ankles from heart failure, her condition unresponsive to oral medications at home. Treatment of heart failure for her requires hospitalization and many days of high-dose, intravenous diuretics. This tethers her to an IV pole, restricting mobility, shrinking her already dwindling muscle mass.

It would be very easy for us to tell Marilyn she can be treated. We could recommend a fifth hospitalization for the year, a course that would lead to more tests and medications. She would be unhappy but she would accept our recommendation. She trusts us and looks to us to guide her.

But I do not believe another hospitalization would improve Marilyn’s life in a significant way. I am aware of how costly hospitalization would be, not only in dollars but in time. If we accept that Marilyn has a limited number of days remaining, a fifth hospitalization would force her to spend some of those precious days among strangers, away from home in a sterile hospital room. She would have to remove her clothing, putting on a hospital gown. An intravenous line would be placed, a procedure that has caused pain and bruising for her in the past. Well-intentioned nurses and doctors would cause discomfort by prodding her belly and legs to examine her. In short, she would be dehumanized in her final days. During a time when her life spirit should be celebrated it would instead be marginalized.

We choose a different path. With kindness, compassion, and respect, we tell Marilyn that she is dying. We explain the multiple, advanced conditions affecting her body. We tell her that further curative treatment, while always an option, has a very low likelihood of meaningful results and may make her feel worse. We encourage her to think about her goals. If these are your final days, how do you want to spend them? We explain what hospice means. Although her condition may be terminal, her symptoms can be relieved. She does not have to suffer any longer.

As it turns out, Marilyn is not surprised by what we say. A sharp and intelligent woman, she knows that her aged body is nearing the end. She is thankful for our honesty. Turning from us, she looks longingly at her daughter. She clasps her daughter’s hand in hers and asks to be taken home.

Jason Ryan is a physician and a participant in the 2012 Costs of Care Essay Contest.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

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  • Wy Woods Harris

    I hope every one who reads this article will share it. It will be required reading in tne “Ministering to the sick and Chronic illness families and friends” that I facilitate.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_H3SO2JRBZPM3NNGE4MOZ7MHCUA greydoggrrl

    I will, indeed, pass this along. Either my friends ( 60-somethings) have lost parents, or are in the process of watching them descend into frailty, or some friends themselves are facing this. Would that all doctors were this compassionate and straightforward.

  • http://www.facebook.com/BartWindrum Bart Windrum

    I have to wonder, despite this touching-written article’s compassion, if perhaps the conversation ought to have been offered after the 2nd hospitalization…? 89 years is way long in the tooth for more than that in a short timeframe.

    • militarymedical

      Perhaps it wasn’t so obvious then. Hindsight is always 20/20.

      • meyati

        I’d prefer to have Bart as my doctor. I think that I’d quit trusting that doctor-a long time ago

  • LWG

    This is a very refreshing article and thank you.

    I am a hospice chaplain and have met with many patients who wish they could have heard the news sooner. Possibly to have avoided the last 3 hospital insults or to have maintained more of their dignity – even if life was a little shorter.

    I understand that this is a hard conversation for a doctor, and discerning the correct timing is critical. The approach mentioned here allows the patient to be the decision maker in choosing life directions. It is also a good scenario to consult with the chaplain – we are clinically trained for these conversations.

    A patient during my intern years said to me: “sometimes dying IS the healing”. As compassionate clinicians – it is our responsibility to recognize and allow the body to heal.

  • http://twitter.com/gcgeraci Gaspere (Gus) Geraci

    We always must offer the patient choices, it is their choice. One of the choices must always be to do less, and offer comfort care only.

  • Molly_Rn

    Most dying patients know they are dying. Many have asked me to let them go or to assist in their dying. They are worn out and we are only prolonging their agony. Dying is sometimes a blessing. Just because you can do something doesn’t always mean you should. We need a diagnosis of “dying” so that we put that front and
    center and then ask the patient what can we do to help them live the best last days they have on earth. Maybe some Beatles music, some daffodils and tulips, birds singing and flying about, trees just coming into leaves…..

    • militarymedical

      “Dying” as a diagnosis: what a brilliant concept. I mean that sincerely, not with sarcasm. Well said.

      • Molly_Rn

        The diagnosis of dying is more for us so we stop trying to save or cure them and help them spend their waning hours the way they want and die in peace.

        • militarymedical

          I understand that. Sometimes we need to be hit over the head with a 2X4 to get it.

          • meyati

            Doctors need to stop trying to be god. It took me 2 years to get a DNR. My PCP wouldn’t do it. people in this system think that they’re giving permission for a patient to commit suicide. I told them that I didn’t need their permission to commit suicide, as I have been and still am quite capable of doing it without them. Notice that I’m still alive.

      • http://www.facebook.com/BartWindrum Bart Windrum

        Ditto! on all counts. Sometimes the simplest aspect is quietly in front of us. Language is everything because it frames everything. A “dying” diagnosis would serve both providers and patient-families equally well. That said, were it adopted perhaps it’d be best presented always with the caveat, “as best we can figure.”

  • militarymedical

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! If this is a “death panel,” then we should all face one, since the ultimate choice to continue treatment or not is in our hands as patients and family members, not as providers.

  • petromccrum

    Excellent article. You should be commended for your courage to state the truth in a caring way. More doctors need to learn a lesson from this story.
    thank you.

  • meyati

    Today, a new doctor that I choose to be on my team, called me to make sure that I understood the nature of the cancer in the nose, and find why I chose my treatment. I didn’t tell him that I hate surgeons-to me it’s signing my name to a piece of paper that says 4 things- binding contract- on top, and at the bottom-name-date- and I pay with my body.
    Right now, I can smile- eat with my family-I’m going to the gun range next week, sleep with my dogs. If I’m lucky-one of 2 things will happen-the radiation will hold it at bay until I get shot or run over, etc, or it goes into my lungs, which would give me about 8 months. I told him that I might refuse radiation. It depends on how early it’s caught-if that happens.
    One doctor wanted to strip the flesh off of the right side of my face and cut out the nose. The stupid team leader wanted me to go to Houston and have the bones-nose, upper right sinus cavity, cheek bone, etc. The administration is so stupid and clumsy that it took me over 4 weeks from the second visit to get rid of this pompous rear-end. I don’t expect for my team members to agree with me, but I have a team that listens to me. The only promise I got from them is to realize that my family also suffers from this, and to treat me with dignity. I have atypical BCC, which is a painful slow moving bone borer, unless it goes into my lungs. We’ll see how it goes. I finished radiation treatments-tomorrow is my 4 week check up, and I feel good. Part of that feeling is that my doctors are honest and caring.

  • Molly

    I appreciate this article and the compassionate acceptance of the medical team. How would this be different if the PT is mid-50′s with an invisible chronic condition that has diminished a PT’s QoL to a similar level of meaningless medical PT shifting with no hope of recovering. How does that PT say to the Medical Providers, “Enough” either find out what is wrong or leave me be without being mistaken as suicidal?

    The distance between life and death is only one step, but the distance between death in chronic life without dying could be 30 more years of a few additional steps with no meaning in the suffering. Would a Physician misinterpret a personal written statement that says what that individual’s Spiritual or Philosophical beliefs about when to stop trying and start preparing for the their reality of the last days they must recognize? Most Patients are ready to accept this time of their life more than their Medical
    Providers, in my opinion.

    Historic Nursing Homes have become “step care” interventions in
    our modern day Skilled Facilities, Assisted Living, Adult Day Care and others. How does Hospice Care take a similar path for the persons whose Tx Plans are mere “palliative” with no 6 month dead line imposed? How does a younger person with no family, resources and a batch of idiopathic debilitating diagnosis’ develop an end of life care plan to live out their “natural chronic experience” with the honesty of their Physician’s such as described in this very well stated story?

  • Suzi Q 38

    Great article. Thank you.
    Some hospitals and doctors like pillaging the PPO insurance without regard to what that patient truly wants. I saw this with my BIL, who had end stage pancreatic cancer with mets. His wife, my sister, was too fearful of bringing him home and in denial of hospice. So, they tried to save him by more more treatment. Finally, my BIL said: “Suzi, why am I still here in the hospital??
    I want to go home.” Thank goodness he said that. Still, my sister was not ready. When it came time to discharge him, she just did not show up at the hospital to take him home. It was frustrating.

    My FIL, on the other hand, was ready. At 82, he had had 3 major strokes, a quad heart bypass, secondary infection to the bypass, could not do much for himself physically, and had lived this way, in and out of hospitals, nursing homes, senior living, and our home, for about 12 years.
    The latest was that his kidneys were failing. He needed dialysis.
    He refused. He was sick of it all.

    He told his doctor, and the doctor respected his wishes.

    We felt sad but relieved that we (his family) did not have to choose his fate.

    We decided to have a huge birthday party for him invited all of his friends and family. They came for a last visit, and everyone had a great time, savoring what was to be his last visit with many.

  • http://twitter.com/chauser827 Christine Hauser

    I have been a hospice nurse and I have been a hospital staff nurse. I have seen so many people over the years be subjected to test after test, unending uncomfortable and painful procedures, long hospitalizations, hospital acquired infections, insertion of feeding tubes, creation of ostomies, gaping stage IV decubitus wounds covering most of their bodies, fistulas draining, drains draining, wounds draining, foley catheters draining, NG tubes draining, or Corpaks being inserted over and over again into dying patients who do not want to eat! They are not suffering from hunger pangs. The are vomiting the tube feeding we continue to pour into their bodies. They are restrained because they keep pulling their feeding tubes, IV lines, and catheters out (we must PROTECT them from themselves, right?) They have severe and irreversible heart failure yet still we take them to surgery. The have COPD and the ensuing high anxiety states that come with the constant air hunger, yet we will not give them anti-anxiety drugs, narcotics (well, maybe just a little…..0.25 mg of Morphine IV every 6 hours, prn. ) But many nurses are uncomfortable giving the patient either of these medications for fear of suppressing their breathing and KILLING them. I have heard fellow nurses refuse to medicate a crying, pain riddled, anxiety filled patient because it is not their job to “euthanize patients”. I remember as a new nurse prepping a 99 year old patient who had inoperable end stage lung cancer for a colonoscopy with one of the huge jugs of golytely that we were pumping into her peg tube at 300 ml an hour. She was vomiting, had continuous diarrhea that was impossible to keep off of her skin for any amount of time so her skin was breaking down. She was in pain, she couldn’t breathe, and was suffering. Why were we doing all of this? Because the attending doctor consulted his GI doctor colleague to see if the cancer was also in her colon. WHY?? That was 20+ years ago and I still remember it. The woman had alzheimers and no living will so could not make her wishes known. Her two daughters wanted EVERYTHING done! I am so thankful that I refused to give the patient the prep in her condition and placed a call to the doctor stating my assessment of the patient and the reasons behind my not feeling comfortable with the ordered treatment. He asked for the nurse manager. After speaking with him for a very short time, she did not support me, and handed the patient over to another nurse to care for, who did administer the golytely. The woman died in the middle of the night, shortly after the prep had finished infusing. Did the daughters want their 99 year old mother to suffer? I am sure they did not. But, NO ONE leveled with them, sat down with them, guided them by giving them the facts about her condition and prognosis, the possible horrible side effects, continued pain and suffering she would be subjected to (for no gain in the length of her life and certainly no gain in the quality of her life). Everyone is so uncomfortable discussing end of life issues with their patients. WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. And we ALL know this… Give dying patients the respect they deserve. Tell them the truth. Give them choices about how they want to spend their last days.

    As a hospice nurse, I saw the flip side of this picture, but it was very often too late for them to enjoy the little time most of them had. Patients should be referred to hospice early when we still have time to assist them in enjoying some good days with their loved ones. Most of our patients were referred to us less than a week or two before death and all we could offer many of them is symptom relief. Instead of planning a family picnic for them with their children and grandchildren or bringing them a steak dinner while they still have a little taste or craving for one, we were pushing the morphine, ativan, haldol, etc.. every 1-4 hours until we could get a handle on their pain, anxiety, and suffering. The families were often not prepared. They were told the facts too late. They did not have a chance to have any quality time to really say “goodbye”. It is heartbreaking. As nurses and doctors, we are supposed to alleviate pain and suffering. We are supposed to be honest patient advocates. Why do so many struggle with that?

    We need to educate, educate, educate people on end of life issues. Living wills (that ARE followed, regardless of what a family member wants for the patient!) are a must for everyone. But we have to educate people that they need to fill one out. We need to help them. Give them the forms. Sit down with them. Explain it. Show them where to make their choices and sign their name. We need to educate about code statuses, long BEFORE a person’s death is imminent. We need to educate everyone, everywhere about what hospice care is, what it means. The philosophy is not a giving up with ensuing and quick deathbed vigil. It is claiming the months of life a person has left and spending the time in the way that means the most to THEM. It is about trying to fulfill any last wishes, something they want to do before they die, maybe helping them mend broken relationships before they go, providing visits for spiritual guidance if desired. Hospice is such a beautiful thing. Let’s get the word out, all of us, about what it really is!!

    Thanks for this article and giving me a chance to voice my thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

    Christine Hauser, RN

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