Parenthood.  It has changed everything.

Snot on my sweater goes unnoticed.  Hobbies gather dust in the closet.  Kissing away the boo-boos and wiping away tears become daily ritual.  Screams, laughter, tantrums, and toys crashing to the floor become the household white noise.  All my Facebook status updates are about my kids.

Some people manage to continue their lives with style.

Me?  I’m just tired.  And I need a haircut.  Smartypants would say I need a lot of other things too …

It used to make me sad how much life had changed from back when it was just Smartypants and I.   Exploring hobbies and interests at our whim.  Working on DIY projects at home.  Volunteering our time and dreaming big.  Planning trips that were off-the-beaten path.  Cooking gourmet meals and eating together leisurely.  Staying up late to eat ice cream and play board games.

I used to mourn our transition to parenthood.  I tried to hold on and continue our lives the way we wanted, with the addition of little Momo.   It kind of worked for the first 6 months.  Then Momo walked at 8 months and we’ve been chasing after him ever since.  Then Tigerlily was born and we have since shifted into survival mode.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love being a mommy.  Despite some of his laments, I know Smartypants adores being a daddy.  We wouldn’t want our lives any other way, except maybe with more babysitting and housecleaning help.

But there is a sorrow that comes with saying goodbye to something.  For me, it was the freedom to just do whatever I wanted, on my terms, on my schedule.  I never realized how much I loved and took pride in my independence and self-sufficiency.  I never realized how much I simply lived for myself, no matter how generously I thought I gave of my time and energy to others.

I mourn a teeny bit still.  But with time, I’ve become comfortable with this stage of life.  It once felt like a new skin, foreign and constricting.  Now it fits like a glove.  I’ve realized that I haven’t actually changed much – I still have the same dreams and hopes,  I still love working as a pediatrician, I still love ice cream, and pajamas are still my favorite outfit.  But my priorities have dramatically changed, and that makes our life change.

This stage of parenthood is our reality.  But it doesn’t mean we stop dreaming and hoping.  I just do it a little differently now.  The kids are part of our lives, and I want them to be part of our dreams and hopes too.  I want them to shape us just as much as we shape them.  Because this is family — we’re in it together.

So I’m starting a Family Bucket List.  For now, Smartypants and I can add to it.  As the kids grow older, they can add their ideas.  I hope we learn to share our dreams and hopes in the process.

The only criteria to the Family Bucket List is that we do it together.

It doesn’t have to be an expensive trip that creates more headaches than actual memories.  It doesn’t have to be glamorous or hip.  I doubt our family could be glamorous or hip even if we paid someone to make us over.  The key to making a Family Bucket List is keeping things real.  Whether it’s as ambitious as volunteering together in a foreign country or as simple as a water balloon fight, it has to be all about who you really are as a family.

Sometimes a Family Bucket List is just a reminder to have fun together.  To make the time and the plans to do something special together, off the beaten path of our schedules.  To be intentional.  One day, we won’t be together like this anymore.  This stage will pass and far too fast.

One day I might return to making a personal bucket list of my own and pursue all sorts of adventures.  I might just become independent and spontaneous again.  Yet, here’s the beautiful irony…  I can’t think of anything on that personal bucket list of mine that could possibly come close to the joy of having loved my children.

Yolanda Wong is a pediatrician who blogs at Well Child Chats.

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