How much we should try to help patients who do not want our help?

I recently completed a long stretch of night shifts in the emergency department. I have done a myriad of things – spent over twenty minutes trying to convince a patient to take a pill that she needed to treat her psychosis, sutured a facial laceration for a young gentleman who kept insisting that he wanted to leave AMA (against medical advice) and just place a band-aid on it, called a stroke code, and intubated a young gentleman who was very sick. The list goes on.

This brings me to the question: how much we should try to help patients who do not want our help? EMTs and other first responders often drive by in their ambulances and pick up patients they know well if they are lying on a park bench and are “less responsive” than usual. And their intentions, just like ours, are good – to save lives and to care for our brethren.

But patients have their own perspectives on this. I recently met a woman in her 90s who made a purposeful decision not to tell her physician or family that she had bloody stools for several months – she had lost so many people, friends and relatives, and had lived through so many decades, that she had decided she was ready to die. I met another gentleman who had lost his wife several months ago, after being married for over 60 years, whose primary diagnosis was a broken heart and a lack of will to live.

The older patients are, the easier it is for physicians to understand these death wishes. The younger they are, the more difficult it becomes. Children and young adults are always resuscitated longer than the guidelines dictate, as compared to older adults. There is a prevailing belief among physicians that age justifies death, at least to some extent. The young should not die, and the old – they shouldn’t either – but if they do, it isn’t quite as heart-wrenching.

I still remember the first night a baby died on the labor and delivery floor. I had seen older patients die in the hospital – in the emergency room and on the internal medicine floor. But the death of the baby was unlike anything I had ever witnessed. Everybody – technicians, nurses, residents, and attendings – passed the entire evening in silence. They wept behind closed doors and remained solemn, as if it were their duty, until fresh morning faces came in to replace them. I also remember the first deaths I experienced on the pediatric floors – the tears, the overwhelming grief. It is only during these moments of great, unexpected loss that time stands still in the hospital.

This brings me back to the question: how much should we try to help our patients, even if they are refusing our help? Physicians are inclined to go the distance with every patient, especially the young ones. But should we be the judge of their wishes? If someone who wishes to die is not considered a “competent” decision maker by the very nature of that wish, should we consider re-examining our definition of the term competent? And if their wishes are less dramatic – they simply do not want to take their medications or get a facial laceration sutured – how much time, effort, and energy should we spend trying to convince them otherwise?

Sometimes physicians insist upon giving care to these patients, partly because they want to help, and partly because they believe so strongly in medicine that they cannot let themselves – or their patients – stray from what they regard as the “best” care.

Yesterday evening, I gave these patients my entire effort – I spent the better part of half an hour convincing this woman to take her medication, and I spent the better part of another half hour trying to calm down the gentleman whose face I was suturing. Will they benefit? Possibly. But I will never know – this is one of the ongoing frustrations of providing care in the emergency department.

This anonymous medical resident blogs at A Medical Resident’s Journey.

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  • PAULMD

    Excellent, well written and thoughtful post. Thank you. You seem so caring as to make me feel worse about my opinions and policies. In general, I don’t waste my energy on people that don’t want to help and/or don’t want to help themselves. I find so many other folks that want to be helped and want to contribute to their own good outcomes that the others seem like dead weight to me.

    Regarding the elderly and their wishes….you cannot template your wishes on their personal desire construct. Empathy dictates truly walking in their shoes, not just levying your own opinions and dictates. This is especially true when considering non life threating surgeries and exposure to risks.

  • http://Pensivepediatrician.com Dr_som

    How do you make time to write in residency? Wow. As a resident on medicine years ago, I took care of a 40 yo guy with lupus who left AMA after he returned from the ICU after pulmonary hemorrhage. He said he had no insurance, talked to financial counseling and thought he felt well enough to leave. He could not afford to stay. I see patients in primary care who follow up but never heed my advice. In the context of a clinical relationship with less of the medical legal issues of the ER, the visits are more tolerable. There will always be difficult patients. It is not you. I don’t spend extra time if other compliant patients are waiting, and I tell difficult patients as much and invite them to wait until I see folks who want my help. Everyone wants something but they don’t always know what that is. Frustrating and time consuming. Thanks for the post.

  • Greg Smith MD

    Excellent heartfelt post. I have worked in mental health for almost thirty years now, and I have learned a few things that help me as I get older:
    1) I have a lot to offer patients, in that I have a certain level of competence and knowledge in the field that I am more than willing to share with them.
    2) Some of my patients will not want to hear from me at all or listen to any of my proffered advice. That’s okay. I give it anyway, and document that I did so.
    3) The patients who do work with me and get better keep me coming back to work every week. I love to see that what I do makes even a very small difference in someone’s life.

    I now do primarily Telepsychiatry, which is basically an emergency room job when you get right down to it. Like you, I often get frustrated that I don’t see the tangible fruits of my labor. Sometimes the simple thank you from the ED doc who read my consult has to be enough. I trust that I am indeed making a difference in some small way.

    Never lose your compassion and that willingness to go the extra mile. Anyone can learn the mechanics to be a doctor, but it takes a special, dedicated person to use those tools to become a dedicated practicing healer.

    Greg

  • CHris

    I too get frustrated with my patients. But the thing is, you never know. After I started into primary care-if you work at it, sometimes, not always, but enough to make it worth it, someone just turns around.
    I have a lot of 85-90 year olds with a good quality of life, and a lot to offer to their grandchildren and great grandchildren. When I have seen them in the hospital,they are not the same people, and I might have given up on them too, and never understood as a resident why my attendings bothered,
    And the reason why we should try-you never know. You just never know.Medicine is also about tiny miracles, a bit of kindness, and sometimes a click that turns someone’s life around.
    Medicine is also about the emotional exhaustion that makes you wonder why you are bothering. Night shifts are isolating. Just a thought.

  • http://www.movingforwellness.com Bobby Fernandez

    One of my mentors told me the most serious symptom a patient can express is the inability or unwillingness to listen. This puts it in to perspective for me as a healer. Their ambivolent attitude needs to be treated in the most subtle of ways before you can treat their body. There is no study in any journal to refer to for this aspect of medicine. It must be learned through experience and introspection.

  • pj

    others have expressed my thought quite well above, so I’ll add this- We (society) place WAY too much emphasis on quantity of life without regard to quality…

  • Molly Ciliberti, RN

    The one thing you can always do for patients is be kind and non-judgmental. Having fought disparately for the life of a new born or a young child in NICU or ICU, I know of the grief that washes over everyone in the unit. We all need time to grieve and to recoup from that loss; it isn’t supposed to happen and we try everything to keep it from happening. Ultimately it is all about kindness and compassion because that reaches the hearts of our patients and helps them to heal (sometimes healing isn’t getting well but being able to deal with the illness and the consequences of that illness.)

  • http://www.talktoyourunconscious.wordpress.com BobBapaso

    Don’t believe what people tell you. Few know their own minds. The patient who fights you when out of his mind will thank you when back in it.

    No one wants to die, no matter how old or how many losses. But if they lose sight of their purpose they may give up hope and stop trying to live. Give them a purpose and they will fight to live. If no purpose can be found, then their time has come.

    • http://myheartsisters.org Carolyn Thomas

      “No one wants to die, no matter how old or how many losses….”

      Not necessarily. It’s not death that frightens us, it’s the “dying” part.

      During a decade working in hospice palliative care, we regularly encountered patients who are lucid, quite comfortable, their symptoms well-managed, yet overwhelmingly exhausted and emotionally worn down from “fighting” so hard for so long, often because of determined family members or well-meaning staff urging him/her: “Hang on! Don’t give up! You can beat this!” even as their quality of life declines dramatically and irrevocably.

      Such patients are often quite open about asking for (and even begging for) a quick and merciful end to such prolonged dying.

      And nobody can “give them a purpose” to live, as you claim. To believe that a perfect stranger can do so is, sadly, delusional thinking. Can you imagine the results of such attempts to convince the 90-year old woman mentioned in this essay? Few could really listen respectfully to such a patient and announce that she is merely “out of her mind”. Far from it.

      • http://www.talktoyourunconscious.wordpress.com BobBapaso

        “No one wants to die,…” “Few know their own minds.” Give any of them a purpose and they will want to live. Don’t you go to the movies and see the mortally wounded cowboys keep on shooting?

        “If no purpose can be found, then their time has come.”

  • Chris

    There are 90 year olds who are having a hard time with their dying (as a process) , spouses who can”t let go (here it becomes who is really the patient ) There is superbly done palliative care, and overly aggressive hospice.
    There are elderly people who are dying of loneliness, but are healthy.There are elderly patient out there who are incredibly sharp and have a good 5 or six years of good quality life. ( I remember a patient who insisted on an emergency visit at age 88 – forgot a bridge hand for the first time in his life., and was sure he had alzheimer’s.Now, at 95, his quality of life is not so good, and we are about to have some hard discussions.But if I had followed stereotypes, he, and a large community of seniors who he helped would have lost a great deal.
    We need to listen carefully to what the questions are.Is it,” I am afraid of the needle you are about to stick in me,so I won’t let you suture me but I am pretending it’s something else”, or I am a belligerent alcoholic.. Either could be true.
    The point-what is the patient’s real question? It is not as easy as you might think…..And that is the art of medicine.