I agree. We need to avoid any expression of our beliefs, unless asked by family.

It is difficult for many of us to realize how we express ourselves in ways that we are not conscious of, because it is so much a part of our lives.

Family, friends, neighbors, and others may be expected to express these views, but we are there because we were providing medical care.

Many hospitals have social workers, who can help with this. One of the mistakes we make is calling for social workers only after someone has died.

A social worker can be a priceless resource in providing information to the family and gathering extra information for the doctors and nurses, while allowing the medical personnel to focus on patient care and keeping the family from feeling like they might as well be on another planet.

What you describe is horrible. I was not suggesting that we be direct at the expense of compassion.

There probably is no good way to handle this over the phone.

One way to start telling someone about a death is by asking what the person knows about what is going on. By providing more information, paying attention to the responses, and finishing up with a clear acknowledgment of death, using the word dead.

Especially over the phone, it is easy to be misunderstood, but that does not make being blunt the right approach either. There are times when the ED is extremely busy and the living meed to take priority, but the doctor should consider asking to call you back at a time when some time can be taken to not be callous.

There are a couple of very well written posts from other bloggers that provide a slightly different perspective on dealing with death in the hospital.

Coffee

and

The Family Room

Thank you.

This was the conversation I had with an ER doc 345 minutes later:
Me: This is Paula Blah-Blah, Paul Blah-Blah’s daughter. I believe you’ve seen my dad tonight?.
Doc: Where are you?
Me: I’m in Massachusetts.
Doc: What are you doing there?
Me: That’s where I live. Um, can you tell me what’s going on with my dad? Did you admit him? I can get down there in six hours, if you think I should.
Doc: He died.
Me: (gasp) Oh! What happened? I mean, can you tell me what happened? Was he in any pain? Is there anything you can tell me? I’m sorry, I didn’t expect this and don’t know what to do.
Doc: I have no way of knowing if he had any pain or not. Uh, do you have any other questions, because I have to get back to work.

And so it went. Next!
Yes, the man was honest and direct, but I was appalled at this physician’s callousness. I’m not sure what he should have said, but this wasn’t the way I expected my father’s death to be handled.