by Linda Lee, MD
Bob Hebert, in his column in The New York Times, recently wrote that, “Life in the United States is mind-bogglingly violent. But we should take particular notice of the staggering amounts of violence brought down on the nation’s women and girls each and every day for no other reason than who they are. They are attacked because they are female.”
As a family physician I can attest to the violence against woman both physically and mentally. The words, “they are attacked because they are female,” is especially haunting and disheartening to me. The one issue that this article did not address is the fact that the “attacks” start even from conception, in the “safety” of the womb.
I recently read an article entitled, “The Daughter Deficit,” which describes what happens when parents have a fervent preference for male offspring.
This article cuts to the core of my heart for several reasons:
1. I am of Asian decent and have witnessed the subtle bias towards boys and having sons in my culture
2. I am the mother of three beautiful daughters
3. I believe in the sanctity of life from the womb
Reading these articles reminded me of a patient encounter that I had during residency. An Asian couple came to my clinic for an office visit. The wife was around three to four months pregnant and they had come in to see me after they had just had an ultrasound.
The purpose of the visit was to find out the sex of the baby. After I happily told them that they were going to have a baby girl, they quickly shot a glance at one another and said, “We want to terminate the pregnancy.”
I was taken off-guard but even more shocked when they told me their reasons.
“We already have two girls at home and we want a son. We have too many girls.” My eyes welled with tears as I thought of the fate of this poor, helpless baby who had no voice, no rights, and who was about to be “attacked just because she was female.”
I pulled the ultrasound image from the chart and my heart quickened. The image was of the perfect outline of the precious little baby girl sucking her thumb. The timing of the ultrasound image was perfect.
I proudly showed them the image, and the look and emotion on their faces changed.
“That is our baby?” they inquired. “We didn’t think it had that much form, and she is sucking her thumb already?”
I explained to them that their baby was completely formed with a beating heart. And yes, she sucks her thumb and she can feel pain. As they left the office, I said a little prayer for them and the fate of the little baby girl.
Fortunately, there was a happy ending to this whole encounter. The couple, after they saw the precious ultrasound image, decided to keep the baby. I helped deliver the baby six months later and they added a third healthy beautiful girl to their family.
This patient encounter had a deep impact on me. By the grace of God, it was the power of a captured image, a baby sucking her thumb.
It was an image that saved her life.
Linda Lee is a family physician who blogs at Dr. Linda’s Life Lessons.
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I am having trouble with this post on a number of levels. This is a very complex situation. Yes, it is uncomfortable to have people choosing to abort a healthy fetus due to the sex of the fetus. But was it within the rights of this physician to say these types of things to these parents? “I explained to them that their baby was completely formed with a beating heart. And yes, she sucks her thumb and she can feel pain.” I don’t think a 3-4 month fetus is “completely formed,” nor can it “feel pain.” While I’m happy that this story has a “happy ending,” I’m not certain about the appropriateness of the actions of this physician.
Dr. Lee,
Thank you for such a moving post. As a medical student who is pro-life, I am frequently uncomfortable with the statements that I am asked to express under the guise of non-directive counseling that are not consistent with known embryology. It took a lot of courage to be honest with these parents and say something that they didn’t want to hear. I am also sure that you will get a lot of flack for your beliefs in the comments, but know that you’ve given a lot of heart to a medical student who wishes she could be as brave as you. You saved a little girl’s life and you should feel extremely proud.
Dear Dr. Linda,
Thank you for making those statements to the young couple and not compromising on your position of choosing life. It’s never okay in my mind to abort a baby let alone for convenience or because of a gender preference. Our nation needs more doctors like you! What joy it must have brought you to deliver this little girl and i’ll bet her parents have never regretted their decision!
As an Asian, i understand what this article means, fortunately, I grew up in a household where the women are equal with the men
( thanks to my parents).
As a woman who works in the medical field, I believe it is our duty to give choices to people, choices that support life. And we never force it to our patients. For in the end, it is still their decision that matters.
I think its terrible that we (as a society) ask for second chances, and third chances, etc…yet society aborts millions upon millions of babies. Souls that weren’t given their very first chance, that is wrong.
Well done Dr. Lee!
To Adena: Yes it is the rights of the physician to say those things to the parents. Doctors are promoters of life, wellbeing, fairness, and health for the betterment of as many people as medically possible. What was so inappropriate about the Doctor’s actions?
Adena,
It’s a completely formed 3 or 4 month fetus. It has a startle reaction if you use an acoustic stimulator on the mother’s abdomen. Can it feel pain? I don’t know. It was once common knowledge that newborns couldn’t feel pain. Thus circumcision was done without pain meds. We now know that that is wrong. Many people are completely unaware of how human looking their 12 to 16 week fetus is….
It is also completely inappropriate to abort a baby because of its sex. This smacks of designer babies.
I have refused to tell the patient the sex of their baby if I know that they plan to use that information to abort it if it is the “wrong” sex. (As if there is such a thing.)They can go and get one of those 4d us in the mall to learn the sex. I won’t help the executioner along.
So should abortions be illegal? I think that they should be legal until 12 to 14 weeks for normal fetuses, after that abortion should only be allowed for fetuses with lethal anomalies and to save the life of the mother. For example if the mother has primary pulmonary hypertension.
But they should be strongly discouraged as a method of fetal selection, and as a method of birth control.
Hmmm… thinking rationally, in an environment that prefers boys, a surplus of boys and shortage of girls is likely to result. In that case, it would be advantageous for the family’s genetic future to have girls, since when the girls grow up, they will find mates easier than boys will (assuming the child is not gay, but if the child is gay, then the child’s gender makes no difference in this respect).
Thank you, Dr. Lee for taking a pro-life stand and not being afraid to do what. May you be blessed for staying true to your faith and beliefs in your medical profession. How thankful that family must be, that you told them the truth!
How wonderful that there was a picture to show them – so that this couple had opportunity to make an informed decision, and that saved this precious girls’s life!
Abortion doesn’t just hurt little girls (and boys) but grown women as well.
Women were created – by nature – to carry life. (even if not all of us do – I have no natural children.) Although women and men are needed for reproduction, yes? (speaking to anonymous) It seems so incrediblly horrifying that we treat unborn babies as dispensible!
I – for one – am thankful for doctors like Dr. Lee who will speak truth so that her patients can make decisions they will not regret.
And, when that family suffers financial ruin or emotional disintegration due to the strain an extra child places upon it, where will Dr. Lee be?
alban, the family wasn’t planning to abort the baby because they couldn’t afford her; it was because she wasn’t the “right” sex.
Wow, I knew when this blog piece went live it would generate a lot fo discussion. Thank-you to all who have commented. I especially was touched by Becca’s comment ( the medical student). I am glad this piece encourages you. As I was going through my medical school training I too was “taught” by my attendings that I should never give my opinion when it comes to abortion. I was not to have any opinion that was relayed to the patient. To me- having no opinion or not saying anything and just giving them the referral to the abortion clinic, this is the same as giving an opinion! By not saying anything, you are essentially telling them that you are okay with this and approve of what they are going to do.
In my case, I was fortunate that I didn’t need to say much. I just showed them the ultrasound picture which spoke for itself, and they asked me questions. And i answered truthfully. I didn’t make them feel bad or guilty . I just presented the facts…the truth in love.
And to Alban: As I said in the piece, I delivered their baby and followed this family as my patients for a few years in this clinic. They ended up having a few more children after this- one was a boy and another girl I believe. I took care of their family had a great doctor/patient relationship with them. They were never left out in the cold as you suggest!
This is what good family doctors are suppose to do. I am sorry that you have this view of doctors who stand up for life ( that they only voice their opinion without loving action to follow up).
Thanks again for all the comments and insight!
Linda Lee,MD
Thanks Dr Linda Lee for this important post. It is written by a romantic feminine method.
Dr. Linda Lee,
Thank you so much for sharing this. As a young woman who believes in LIFE at whatever stage, as the Hippocratic oath states, “from fertilization to natural death”, I applaud your method.. both your truth and your love. Without passing judgment on the parents, you were a voice for one that could not yet speak. I would venture to bet that if the parents of this little girl were asked, they would be the most grateful to you of anyone for your gentle intervention.
This is a great story. Sometimes a picture is better than words.
Linda, you did the right thing. The family was not going to face financial ruin over the baby. From your story, they made it clear. If it were a boy they would have kept the baby. You told them the truth.
“…..But was it within the rights of this physician to say these types of things to these parents?…..”
Yes. Linda, you’ve got people here who think you don’t have the right to tell the family the truth. Amazing.
Although choosing to abort a fetus because of its sex is like unwise moral choice, and I would not want a society that chooses their family based solely on sex. It’s however the choice of the woman to do as she wishes with her own body. Dr. Lee you are not the one who has to pay for medical costs necessary to go on with this pregnancy, your body is not the one affected by this fetus. You are not the one who is going to raise this child. Your opinion should remain as what it is “An Opinion”.
I don’t think as a physician that we should hold our opinions to our patients, but one must be careful when giving opinions vs scientific facts or data. Dr. Lee as passionate as she is about her pro-life stance, she did give her patients false information about the fetus in order to achieve her “moral goal” which is that abortion is wrong.
And I am disturbed that she actually thinks watch she told them is “fact”. First off, a 3-4 month fetus (12-16 weeks) is far from being a fully formed fetus. A 12-16 week fetus has no chance of survival even with our great medical technology because many of its vital organs necessary for life are not fully formed. Second, the notion that “this fetus can feel pain” is not supported by any fact. This, Dr. Lee, is your opinion but you convey this to your patients as if it’s common medical knowledge. You made no clarification to them that this was simply just your belief, and that misguides your patients.
What Dr. Lee in effect did was make the parents feel guilty about their choice by making it sound like they were killing a human being that is fully formed and feels pain. This is in error in logic as your evidence has no support.
Please do physicians a favor, and keep pursuing truth by scientific data. Do not force your subjective beliefs by giving patients unsupported medical information as if it’s common knowledge. Your opinion is important and your refusal of a treatment is also your right, but don’t blur the line of fact versus opinion. Doing this is disservice not only to medicine but also to your patients.
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