Can stealing in childhood be normal, and when should parents worry?

Parents are often worried when they catch their children stealing, or worse, shoplifting.

When it occurs in toddlers, it’s often phrased as “a child who doesn’t want to share.” But, if the behavior continues, when should parents start to worry?

That’s the subject of a recent article by pediatrician Perri Klass. She talks with a variety of child experts, who all say that most children under the age of 6 will try to take things that’s not theirs. What’s important is that parents realize that it’s a “teachable moment”:

It’s your moment as a parent to talk about standards and ethical behavior, and to make those concepts real by requiring that a child apologize and make restitution. “That’s really a great opportunity,” [childhood behavior expert Dr. Martin Stein] said, “and it does give the message it’s not proper behavior and it’s not something we condone.”

Stealing becomes worrisome when it’s for motives other than acquiring possessions, such as the desire to destroy them, or when it continues into the later years.

And certainly, “a pattern of stealing without any remorse can mark a serious problem — and that child needs help right away.”

Interesting piece.

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  • anon

    “Encounters with Children” by Dixon and Stein, comes to mind.

    I don’t know what “pattern of stealing without remorse” means. A child about age three, I’d say doesn’t yet have the concept of property rights. It’s attractive, take it. The child hasn’t yet developed the ability to understand things from another child’s perspective, or property rights in general. That doesn’t mean you don’t try to teach the child, but some sort of confrontation is counterproductive. The child sees something attractive in the store and you notice it in the kids hands outside the store, you say Uh, Oh, we have to put that back, or Uh Oh, we have to pay for that (candy that the kid chewed through).

  • http://vendorMD.com VendorMD

    Yeah I agree! This is a teachable moment. A child will try to push limits in all directions. Once he is told this is not acceptable he will most likely never do it again. Ignoring it will make validate stealing and make it worse.

  • http://momsithastethoscope.wordpress.com MWAS

    Parents often ask questions during check-ups about lying, too. My answer would be similar for both. Conscience and guilt or remorse are developing concepts for the five and under group. Euphemistically, stealing is taking something that doesn’t belong to you which is a common behavior for toddlers who are trying to tackle to concepts of sharing. So, taking what doesn’t belong to you can be normal behavior – the same behavior one time in an 8 year old would have different, more stringent consequences. The younger the child, the more “teachable moments” needed. The older the child, the more red flags emerge.

  • Mooie

    My sister was stealing when she was four, five and six… and my parents didn’t do pay much attention to it or they downplayed it: oh, she’s just a baby, she’ll grow out of it.

    And that’s why she’s spent a lot of time in jail/prison in the last twenty or so years…

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