Wednesday, February 21, 20077
The curse of praise
Studies suggesting how praising your kids can be harmful:
When parents praise their children’s intelligence, they believe they are providing the solution to this problem. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short.
But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.
Comments
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Timeless Boulevard
Hi, may I link your site to my blogsites? Thanks! :-)
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Kevin
Sure.
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Anonymous
New research? It is what has, for generations, been refered to in the south as the "plantation boy" syndrome. Or in other words "spoiled."
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Anonymous
The problem of course, is that after another generation of "self-esteemism" those grandmothers will be idiots as well.
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Anonymous
The problem of course, is that after another generation of "self-esteemism" those grandmothers will be idiots as well.
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Anonymous
The issue here is that the child is being praised for an achievement (valid or not, who knows).
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Anonymous
Being a nice person, friendly, and empathetic are achievements also--character achievements and therefore the best kind. Some people have such poor character that they simply have no positve value as individuals--and are not being served by being told that they do.
Post a Comment1:42 PM
2:19 PM
One thing mankind has done throughout his history is raise children, and folklore psychology with regard to that is not to be taken lightly. Most of it has stood up well over time against the self-esteem pop psychology of the last generation.
This takes a direct stab at one of the worst fallacies of pop psychology, the elevation of self-esteem to a central place. Ironically, Nathanial Brandon, who contributed to the popularization of self-esteem as a central concept, always emphasized that it must be earned through achievement, not inculcated by others.
People worry too much about their children. I never ever recommend child-rearing literature to my patients, advising them instead to call their grandmothers.
7:28 PM
2:31 PM
At least it provides all of us with entertainment when parents keep saying to talentless kids how well they sing or dance and then they are show up on TV auditioning for "American Idol", "So you think you can dance" and other shows and make fools of themselves.
11:38 PM
If that is all the praise they get, then perhaps they develop the sense that they are only valuable for the achievements, not as individuals.
So your worth as a child (seen by the child) is determined by how well you did on the test, not the fact that you are a nice person, friendly, empathetic etc.
12:39 AM
11:47 AM