A 93-year old blogger: "It bothers me that I have to go"

A touching entry about not wanting to die:

Nowadays, no matter how much I try to put off decisions until later, I must admit that everything seems to bother me. For example, my writing bothers me, because I have to be careful to be legible, even to myself. I am quite sure I have had a stroke (the final medical diagnosis is still pending), a small one I suppose, since I still drive a few weeks after my 93rd birthday. At this age, I must say that I do delight in people’s amazement when I tell them how old I am. But under all this is the knowledge that I am the oldest male on either side of my family, maternal or paternal, and I know I must go fairly soon. I just don’t like the idea.

(via Boing Boing)

Comments

Anonymous
I read many of the comments from your site and I had to post my thoughts. (I’m not a doctor) just the daughter of a father who you remind me of so much. My 96 yr old father passed away in Sept. of 2004. Yes that was a while ago, but I am still struggling with his death, mainly how he died. He too was full of life, as someone stated about you, that you probably have more “life” in your little finger than most of us. My dad was the exception to “box” that people want to place the elderly in. He was not frail, had a great appetite (weighed 160) and was happy and didn’t want to die. He died from what I know was an overdose of fentanyl from the Duragesic pain patch. What bothers me is he survived through the depression, hard times as an African American sharecropper in the South, raising 9 children along with my mother (who died a few years earlier at age 94), only to die from a negligent doctor prescribing a pain patch with fentanyl which is 80-100 times more powerful than morphine. What’s worse, he was not in any chronic pain, the doctor didn’t get informed consent to prescribe this SChedule II Narcotic, and was ignorant or simply ignored all the warnings concerning fentanyl and the elderly. No, we couldn’t find a lawyer to take the case,and there were those who even stated “how much do think a 96 yr old’s life is worth? (very hurtful, when we, his family, saw him almost daily, and was shocked when he died. He had all the symptoms of overdosing, depressed breathing, sweating, hallucinating and irritability, and he wasn’t an irritable person. Money?? I could care less, but doctors who act in a negligent manner, to me, should be sued. I filed a complain with the state medical board, only to be told, “the doctor did nothing wrong”. Funny, I notice on their website that one of the ten things a doctor can do to bring attention to the board is “misprescribing or overprescribing medications”. I read somewhere that a good doctor knows when NOT to prescribe. I will never find closure and to the people who say, he lived a long life, yes, that’s true, but he might have lived another 5, 10 or more years. A choice of having one million dollars or 250,000 or having my dad back, I’ll take my dad any day.
Anonymous
1215,
I am not a doctor but can’t you wipe or take a patch off if you don’t like the effect it is having?
Anonymous
You’re right, you’re not a doctor or you would know you can’t “wipe” the fentanyl patch off. The doctor (with all his knowledge) has the responsibility of prescribing only for opiod tolerant patients and MONITORING a patient with these patches, and he didn’t do it. Even after removing those patches, the strong fentanyl is still there for who knows how long, especially in elderly patients with slow renal functions.
Anonymous
The first poster is rehashing the same story again. Instead of coopting Kevin’s post to create your own forum, why don’t you keep on subject.
Read the article Kevin cites and comment on the article or Kevin’s remarks. As others post then a discussion on the topic can ensue. But please stop trying to turn KevinMD into your own personal blog.
Do try to be clear in your writing. “Money?? I could care less…” You could care less, or you could not care less? If you could care less, then we don’t know much because you care more about money than other things (which things not elaborated upon by you). However if you could not care less, then we know that money is your lowest priority. Your current post indicates that money is a priority.
Anonymous
UUgh, a patch can be taken off. Fentanyl has a very short half life.
Anonymous
I’m not trying to create my own forum. My post is related to Kevin’s and the 93-yr old blogger. I did read the 93-yr old’s posts, and I simply stated that his words reminded me of my 96 yr old father who was also not ready to die. So I omitted the word “not”- I think anyone reading the statement would understand what I meant. I was hoping that a doctor reading this would comment on why another doctor would prescribe fentanyl in this case, because I don’t think another doctor would have. What I know is that you don’t prescribe when there’s no reason to, and the doctor was ignorant (or ignored)the fact that elderly patients metabolize these strong narcotics differently than younger patients. I guess if I could find all the information that I have concerning fentanyl since his death, it amazes me that a doctor wouldn’t know a little more about how the fentanyl (patch) works differently in the elderly. I have had nurses, and a few doctors ask why he would be prescribed this patch when he was not in any pain and certainly not end stage cancer pain. Answer: A negligent doctor, a doctor totally unfamiliar with fentanyl patches, a doctor who allowed some drug rep to influence or whatever, all I know it caused my father’s death. I’m finished with this subject, sorry to “intrude” on this site.

A 93-year old blogger: "It bothers me that I have to go"

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